The fragrance of Respect

#148

Trust me, nobody loves a friend or relative in our times; our digital minds in 2019 timelines have narrowed down to “ME, My Wife, and my Children.” And in my case: I, me, myself. But respect is a very important thing, I explore what it means to have earned respect or notoriety in this post.

            Dr. Kiruba is a dentist and I have been his patient for a decade now. Each time I am on the dental chair we have a nice banter; he is a FB friend and he does read these blog posts once in a while. He treats me with a lot of respect; showers free medicines and mouthwashes after consultations that the medical representatives leave him with as samples. As for me, I like this flow of bonhomie and any time I visit his clinic, it feels like re-connecting with a long lost friend which does my poor ego a lot of good. Like the good doctor, these days I earn the respect of my fellow beings from the vegetable grocer, waiters at Vishranti, regular beach-goers and generally wherever I frequent. I have long realized that words and even body language don’t endear one to the rest of the world as much as an ability to trigger good vibes – a simple smile and few words of assurance is more than good enough if you know how to add a listening component to it.

            There were two incidents last week that got me feeling great. I sent “Happy Saraswati puja” greetings to a dozen friends on Whatsapp. One fellow blogger from Rediffiland wrote: Thanks for the wishes, Goddess Saraswati has blessed you in abundance.  The next day I was chatting with my cook as the conversation veered towards how I employed Meera, as I reminisced, “First she never wanted to work for a bachelor. I had to cajole her saying that I will keep the pressure cooker with rice and dhal and all she had to do was 20 min of work. But once she understood me, she was the first to pay me a compliment that she felt totally secure and safe working for me.” Thangam is a woman of few words as she spontaneously said, “Anyone who doubts your character must be a sick person.”

            Let’s see how lack of respect works. My house-owner is a Sindhi woman who has 8 houses in the city for rental incomes. The house I am staying resembles more a candle palace that Duryodhana conjured for the Pandavas – the roof leaks to rains, the tiles are 4 decades old, the doors are fragile flimsy. Everyone from the street vendor to the laundry man to the milk maid told me when I shifted from M90 to M91: My god, it’s a pothole of a house and terrible miserly house-owners. All of them cannot resist this byline: they are Sindhis and what better can you expect?? Within three months I realized that I was sold a dummy. I made a spare-key for my cook which costed me Rs. 500. I vacate this premise next month and do you know what I will do with the spare key? I will just wash it down the flush or fling it from the terrace; even if I had a barely handshaking relation I would have volunteered this key to the owners. This is what disrespect is – they don’t get anything friendly from me.

            Again for the opposite: I sold M90 to Mr. Pandian who is one of my most reliable of friends. I called him today saying, “Sir, I am planning to buy an apartment in Palavakkam. But before signing the deal I want you to take a look and advise me since you are a lot smarter.” He said, “Sathya, I am in Guwahati now, back to Chennai on Sunday. Meet the builder and negotiate but don’t sign on till I give you an approval. We will go to the premise on Wednesday.”  

Life on a fast lane

#147

My life is that of a constant star or a planet on a cosmic timescale where nothing happens  except the regular course set for it. In my case it’s a mishmash of SPARRC, guitar, Vipassana, and stock market activity. But this fortnight changed all that.

            First I was laid down with a stubborn fever. I have so many doctor friends that I get free online consultation. Vivek gave a prescription for the fever & terrible coughing that seemed to abate before physical exertion stirred it up for the second time. This plays into my territory for it gives me a guilt-free cozying up in the bed; I am truly one of the most lethargic biped in creation. The weather is changing, we had the first spell of North East monsoons yesterday and so I can attribute my fragile immunity on the weather elements. But it does look a straight road to the doctors this time, some blood test and things like that.

            But illness thing has not got me down at all; in spirits this is my brightest moment of the year. For starters, I am taking to Future & Options trade as a fledgling duck to water. These four months of cash market experience and I am discovering a lot about myself in these F&O trades. It does help when your first FO trade in Hindustan Unilever fetched me a 12 k profit, ACC looks like a 40-50 k, Infy is always a stock where I have never lost money. Seriously it’s not the money that gets me excited as a peacock in rains, it’s the excitement of planning a trade. My mind is swimming on “Call” or “Put” options (should I buy CE or sell a put) even in sleep or what strike price to choose for ITM or OTM at target. Unlike cash market where you don’t watch your stocks for days and weeks except for a passing glance, the first week of FO trades saw me glued to my screen. My instructor advised, “Sathya, you seem to be having a ball of a time but please be careful for naked positions are dangerous.” I thank him profusely on the phone but keep asking myself, “Why begin a trade with a hedge option; I will have a hedge only when things don’t go as per my plan.” I seem to developed a gut feel for a dozen stocks. To my exaggerated self-belief my trade management skills is among the best in the universe. So far so good, this stock market activity is so consuming that it’s slowly replacing my time to write these silly blog posts. It’s then you realize how much of a gift writing is, it needs a mind to curate thoughts before it flows on paper like an easy flowing stream.

            Gopalan is a good friend and he wanted me to look at a “buy a small villa in Kumbakonam in a Brahmin agraharam.” I went to look at the place which is 320 kms from Chennai and loved it. The major attraction is availability of quality tambrahm food. So I am investing in this property, purchased land and the construction will be complete in June. This looks ideal for a week’s gateway from Chennai with the excitements of a monthly train trips, good food and wholesome company.

            The trigger for the post is Raghu who I met in Kumbakonam. Rarely have I warmed up to a person at first sight, he vibrates cheer and friendliness. He’s purchased a big villa at the premise, he advised me on the best site for my land (this is a gated community with individual houses replete with restaurant for three squares a day). In fact, I was to stay there for three days but since he was going to Chennai in his car, I joined him in a blink of an eye. The 6 hours car journey got us bonded as I gave him a synopsis of my life: lousy parents, heart surgery at 28 that reduced my career options and how stock market activity is consuming my days.  I said, “Sir, I go without opening my mouth for days and weeks, I am the definition of a recluse. I have a mother and siblings but not one cares a whit.”  The next day he called saying, “Sathya, I am going to disturb you as frequently as possible. I consider you as a little brother, it’s sad that there are so few to engage a brilliant conversationalist as you.” Those words of concern melted my heart, this is a start of a friendship and looks a good harvest already. He visited my place the next day, insisting on my inspection of a new apartment at Palavakkam which is 4 kms from my place. If everything goes well, I should be buying this place in a fortnight’s time. So immediately within a fortnight I am owner of one plot of land in Kumbakonam and likely owner of an apartment in Chennai. This is entirely the gains of mindfulness for nothing was planned, rather I was hesitant to own a property but when it comes my way, I am agile enough to change my mind and go for the fruit. One of the reasons I signed for Kumbakonam apart from good food is friends like Gopalan and Raghu in the same compound. Both these gentlemen have large hearts, they care and they treat me with affection which adds up very well to my credit side of life.

            This fortnight also had a couple of surprises. First, my Pozhichalur uncle prised-out my postal address with a fib saying, “I may be passing that way, so please dish out the address,” which I smsed. Couple of months later, I see the wedding invitation of his grandson. The undercurrent of such a ruse was clear: He wanted to send me an invite and not want me there. I thought without an outrage, “The old man looks a moron but what devilish cunning,” as I tore out the wedding card for a trivial amusement. That it finds a space in my blog post is only to remember the devilish wit of the whole thing. The second surprise was Ashish Bansal visiting Chennai and I showed him the Theosophical Society lawns. We had a great time catching up and a good dinner at Ratna Café. Ashish is one of those blokes who has the temperament of a test match opener, forever patient and composed with as few demands to those around. I surprised myself limping 5 kms in one my rare trips to TS, just showed that a stroll with a good companion makes you forget your arthritic pains. These look like the best of times for me, let’s hope that bird flies from the cage this time.

The ex-PW club

#101st POST:

I wrote this story almost a decade back. This is one of the 30 stories I wrote that felt intuitively a movie script. I tried marketing it on Twitter by writing to Tamil and Hindi movie production houses but nothing transpired. I showed it a half a dozen friends and they also felt: This looks a movie script.

           “The ex-PW club” is a story of a model who is a born survivor and reaches the pinnacle of glamour world through grit and smart networking. I based this story from pUsHpA my sole date in life so far – this model Pushpa (the fictional one) had four lovers and this I conjured from my own Sindhi tryst. Bits and pieces of her past lovers and oodles of imagination and this story felt tailored to a cine screen. But I never had the energy to chase any director or production houses. Last month I sent this tale to my IMT friends on Facebook:  Smita, Anu, Deepak, Ashish, Lakina and Darbari.

            Smita is turning out to be a great friend. Now back in London she called and she got my life tale out of me. I spoke to her twice in the last fortnight and these felt more affectionate than I ever had with my own two sisters. She knows how to connect, something we all saw even at IMT, Ghaziabad during the 1990-92 days.

            Darbari is in Los Angeles and he writes: Sathya, this is a professional work and I am sure you will hit the headlines big in a while. But the best value I got was from Deepak  who is  a banker in Dubai.

Dear Sathya,

Loved reading the story. It is fast, racy and gripping. Four episodes of Pushpa’s life.

Frankly, both the climaxes do not do justice to this lively and entertaining narration. I would possibly take a cue from what you have mentioned in the last line; about the doctor. Maybe, the climax can be about a secret that Yadeesh is hiding from his wife all this time – about his affair with Pushpa. But even this fifth episode of Pushpa’s life would not be unexpected. Climax should have a twist in the tale – somehow!!

Best regards,

Deepak Mehra

One thing led to the other as I explained that the third character in the story, “Surya” was me and Deepak wrote a great mail which I immediately saved it in a special folder so as to preserve it. 

Dear Sathya,

Let us be clear, you want a wife not a high-maintenance girlfriend. Please define this as your goal.

I just hope you get a simple, homely Tamil girl who is culturally and socially compatible with you, who will look after you, make your home, raise your children and be a good wife. She will look up to you and respect you for your wisdom and kind heart. You will never have to prove yourself in front of her, you will not have to bother about how you look, what you wear or what you do. You will not be smitten by her beauty at first but over time you will fall in love with her beautiful heart.

If I were in Chennai I would have gone asking all elders in my social circle and would have found a wife like this for you. There will be so many good girls like this in Chennai.

As your friend, who feels that you deserve the best in life, I have to say that the core issue is that if you don’t know what you are looking for, you are unlikely to find.

Happy to hear your views on this.

Best regards,

Deepak Mehra

I replied and it came almost as a flow:

Deepakji, you are truly great.

Yeah, I never articulated with that much clarity on a woman. 

LOVE is so difficult to predict. In my life, I felt drawn and attracted to many but anything with a staying power were only KIRTI, who was my classmate during graduation (for one of the hottest infatuation known to man!!! I did not even introduce myself to her though we were only 8-9 students in the class). Then Madhulika Vajpayee when I was 34 and Pushpa when I was 38. Both M and P were women I was drawn into by their writing. In fact with Pushpa, we were exchanging "I love you's" even without a photograph being exchanged (just reading and talking on the phones led us to that point).

I still remember praying at a Besant Nagar temple, “God, let Pushpa be beautiful,” on the day when our photos were exchanged." 

I really think every man and every woman is LOOKING for UNDERSTANDING in a relation. Words that bind and soothe. Seriously caste and language are secondary. 

Pushpa was very brave to LOVE me and then almost put a seal as it were. Look, I was 38; just starting at TOI, my salary was 50 k while she was twice that. Mine was very, very short careers (I would average less than 5 months of work each year) while she was climbing up the ranks. She had built a house, owned cars and a manager for over a decade. But where she failed was SHE INSISTED ON THAT BARE MINIMUM of a TOI job. Once that went off, it made no difference to me for I was OBSESSED WITH WRITING and never to a job. So my inference of her was: Brave enough to explore a romance with a writer, chickened out at the last minute.She failed as a LOVER in 2008, failed as a FRIEND in 2009 and failed as a HUMAN BEING ever since. 

I loved your definition of a wife; companion with a great heart where love grows by the day. I also loved the part of not bothering about how much I make as earnings or what dress I wear. This is really amazing even for a concept. Certainly, there is no need for a high maintenance girlfriend (I loved this part). 

You are right. How would I imagine a future wife for me? YOUR DESCRIPTION IS BEAUTIFUL and if there is one editing I would do, I would remove the word TAMIL from that. You want a UNDERSTANDING person and she can be from anywhere even if her past were like Vivian in PRETTY WOMAN. 

I also learnt so many things from Pushpa's encounter: WE LOVE A WOMAN ONLY AS LONG AS SHE LOVES US. Once that love is removed then the entire edifice falls down. My mistake in this relation was:

- I should have WALKED OUT the moment she refused to learn a smattering of Tamil and show any interest in my cuisine

- I should have walked out every time she kept postponing the wedding.

- Certainly I should have walked out when she converted a love and romance thing to a friendship.

Next time I will never give such a long rope to a woman if I am caught in the vortex of romance. 

We are just tennis balls to be played by gods in areas like a lover or a spouse, one's job and earnings and also one's children. These are things which no one can fix; they are given to you by nature. 

Love between a man and a woman is the grandest emotion on earth. It even beats the mother and child relation. And if anyone were to trivialize this emotion, then the society gets corrupted. This was also Pushpa's error. My most charitable explanation is that she lost that innocence after her first break up. 

I certainly would like to love a woman if only to erase this scar. It is also important to die in the arms or company of a loved one. Being alone or living alone is really not the way nature intended of a man or a woman. I think romance or marriage is about one long conversation where you would love to talk and love to listen. This is just one parameter that I will abide by when I fall again. 

Deepak, thank you so much for your friendship. No one ever said, "Sathya, I will search a woman for you so far." I will try my best to meet you next week in Dubai. I get the dates tomorrow and then the process of Visa and tickets start straightaway. I would love that interview to click. But in my heart, I feel no sense of anticipation or excitement. I really was thrilled on the Bangalore thing; it almost was a sealed thing. That job was managerial in terms of supervising others; that rejection did hurt me a while. 

As I keep saying: Career and earnings as also love and romance is God's territory and largess. I love this definition: any person who gives you understanding and unconditional love is GOD and anywhere you find them is HEAVEN. So a good marriage is like meeting one's god and one's home can be heaven. Every being looks for God to love and a heaven to reside. 

Regards
Sathya