COMMENTS

#169

There were 85 comments as entries on DAUNTLESSSATHYA- there are some where I keyed in from Whatsapp and Facebook and these were 2-3 messages pooled in one - and featured here are the ones I treasure. Why compile? It makes you feel good on a rainy day!!!! The first nine featured here are from OBSERVESATHYA while the rest are from this blog DAUNTLESSSATHYA. There are over 700 comments from THINKSATHYA, OBSERVESATHYA, SPIRITUALSATHYA, and WRITERSATHYA and I will tabulate them more as morale boosting exercise. 

ShivajaJune 29, 2008 at 10:21 AM

May you find more things each day to keep you whistling.....after all every thorn filed rose bush has sweet smelling pretty flowers too. Cheers! - Shivaja

Life flows like a river. Even the mightiest dam( read Geisha or Diva or whatever)can stop the flow for only so much time. The water will find other channels and flow in some other direction. Forgiveness is like these channels which help us find new directions and move on with life. on A new mind sans Geisha memories     Ben (1/11/2009)

A.SathyanarayananOctober 21, 2010 at 6:41 PM

I visited his office 10 years after his death. They were still using my father's letters as template (no wonder where I get my writing skill from). The bank manager lamented how the business of the firm has gone down. Even NTR remarked on hearing my father's death," Arunachalam garu was a good man".

Year end quote from our friend Kanchan Bhattacharya ( not necessarily a personal observation on you but about geniuses in general) Life is sad- from heights they fell so much, some into melancholy, some into penury, some just in the clutches of the God of Cirrhosis, or even worse, into the demon, narcotics! Creativity takes its toll... the genius has a fear of never being understood! on 2010 Experiences – reality bites

A.SathyanarayananJanuary 26, 2011 at 9:42 AM

Yesterday, the doctor's son was telling the steward serving coffee," Not in those steel tumblers, we prefer paper cups". I said," These are very special people. Oblige the doctor for he will give you free service if you are ill". The doctor laughed his heart out on a possible free case

tymkynFebruary 8, 2011 at 12:32 PM

Hi satya,

u took me by surprise in getting our yesterday's conversation on to the blog this fast.Satya despite ageing (me not u) u can be rest assured of lighter moments every time you interact with me.

Keep smiling and laugh 2 yr heart's content.Its sure to make you feel younger and realize that life is worth living.

bye dude
sdp

ambrosiaJune 16, 2011 at 2:24 PM

wowow I am inpressed. am reading it again. too many hometruths to take in one go

AnonymousAugust 29, 2011 at 11:14 AM

That's lovely... Orthoptists rarely get any praise these days. The ophthalmologist is usually the one viewed as doing all the hard work.

Venkateswaran1/29/2011 5:20 PM

I just stumbled upon this today, the 29th Jan 2011, after nearly two years of posting by you. For some time I didn't recognise myself in this. Anyway, thanks for all your ++ things said in this.
By the way, you do write very well. It has goven me an appetite to read your book. You promised me a copy but have forgotten about it. Otherwise, please remind me the title and where it is available?
Venkateswaran

A.SathyanarayananOctober 10, 2011 at 7:29 AM

Start again. Start with a calm and quiet mind. Start with an alert and attentive mind. Start with an equanimous and tranquil mind. (Then there would be instructions for the session). Goenka would end by saying: Work patiently and persistently. Work ardently and diligently. (this can be a mantra before starting any task. It is best mental preparation I find).

T.H.Iyer1/31/2014 8:42 AM

A remarkably frank and well worded description of your life in Abu Dhabi. Take things in your stride.

We miss you. Varadan has gone to Pondicherry for few days.

Mami and I send you our love and good wishes.

tymkyn2/27/2014 3:36 PM

For once you have found your happiness Satya. Happy for u. For sure it's going to last several years. God bless.

Ben2/26/2014 5:07 PM

Good to see you back to writing. Be happy and stay blessed.

T.H.Iyer7/27/2014 4:57 AM

Amazing style of reporting. Your self confidence level has increased and you are becoming more and more sober and self erasing.

You will succeed in your endeavours. It will happen exactly when you need it.

Soul Searcher7/27/2014 9:10 AM

Very nice narrative and a very positive way of moving on to whatever adventures life offers next. Look forward to the next episode from Chennai. Good luck and God speed in whatever you do...

Soul Searcher8/03/2014 12:21 AM

Quite a turnaround from your earlier piece.The writing is reflective and poignant. But dark and beautiful Melancholy is back. Whats' up Bro

Soul Searcher9/02/2014 11:15 AM

I was shocked at Robin Williams suicide too. Sometimes one just cannot understand the burdens which bring people down. You need not worry, you have 25 years to complete what you need to. Currently most people are productive till 70. :-)

As Robin would say in Dead Poet's Society "Carpe Diem"

tymkyn6/28/2017 4:25 PM

Heart rending. I wouldn't wish even my bitterrest enemy to experience this living hell. There's always light at the end of the tunnel.I hope and pray you find peace and happiness.As a literary work it's a masterpiece.

Siddhan7/13/2017 8:56 AM

Touching - Mother only as a biological one is not easy to imagine,. She not only give the elements of your body but contribute in the making of he psyche. What you describe makes one feel sad - It should not happen to anyone. But as long as you carry the hurt, it is not her problem but just "YOURS" alone. Throw this behind and walk out of the shadow.

T.H.Iyer7/07/2017 11:58 AM

You have indeed passed through tough times Sathya. Now the light can be seen at the end of the tunnel.

Siddhan7/13/2017 9:01 AM

The heat zone you have traversed could char many. Light at the end of the tunnel is seen by you still as a train coming to mow you down is incorrect - you are getting out of the dreary and dark phases two women tested your times. But movement like Tolle puts it and knowing that you have the treasure of redemption within you. No age and no time is inapt as there is life to be lived to the full - best wishes and love - Siddhans

My precious brother,
I'm deeply moved into tears after reading your post. Believe in the Lord and he will change the MESS in your life to a MESSAGE. You have gone through what many in fairy tales don't. Hang on, brother. I will cheer you even if no one does.  Suloch

A.Sathyanarayanan9/01/2017 5:46 PM

Take care and don't indulge in self-pity. Satya, you are a guy with class and brains - a rare commodity nowadays. SD Prabhakar

A.Sathyanarayanan10/01/2017 1:05 PM

Why do we hold on to a relation that gives pain? We are scared of loneliness and so any relation will serve even if it brings only sorrow to the heart. This post argues against such self-destructive attitudes

Narayanan Subramanian on Whatsapp: Sathya, if you have forgiven then you must forget too. She belongs to your past; you have so much to look forward to in your life. Better watch the road in front than have your sights on a rear view mirror.

A.Sathyanarayanan8/07/2018 11:11 AM

Mani Sir on Whatsapp (6th Aug): Yes you need to get up and pick up the pieces. Dismiss what happened as a bad dream though it cost you a lac. Hope cyber crime chaps nab this Uma Gayathri. You have my best wishes and prayers. Chennai probably did not deserve you and let's hope that Gurgoan benefits.

Ashish Bansal Great to note that you are signing up for soft skill company. Well written again though feel sad after reading what you have gone through and are still facing. Your strength is remarkable and your constant growth in all these adversities is humbling

Nandha12/18/2019 8:39 PM

I'm from Malaysia, planning to visit Kanchi mahaperiyar samadhi for blessings. Hope I get his blessings too 🙏 Thank you for sharing this insight.

Anonymous11/03/2018 9:33 AM

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A.Sathyanarayanan11/23/2018 3:57 PM

I wish to record these two compliments here. Anurag Gupta, my batchmate in another context wrote: These are powerful words spoken by an excellent writer. Not many can match you in your abilities. Another was Lalit Matai's "Sathya, there are lots of people in our batch who care for you. Don't feel lonely." Again in a different context but I want a place to store these and this is as good as any.

A.Sathyanarayanan12/14/2018 5:16 PM

Sathya,

You are on the right track and your greatest achievement in 2018 is to conquer yourself and build sufficient self confidence for achievening a lot in 2019

Lots of love,
T H Iyer

A.Sathyanarayanan12/29/2018 5:27 PM

On whatsapp (28/12)
T H Iyer: Well done Sathya, you are a great compiler

Arunanjali: Great wrap up- let bygones be bygones and start 2019 with zeal and joy! Life is about cause and effect. Everyone makes their own causes and live those effects. We make our own choices and see its manifestation. Good cause makes for good effect. Happy healthy and victorious 2019.

Dhamma Mani Sir: Read your blog on 2018 memories and very much liked the 10 k fine you promise to pay up in case you badmouth the bad 4. I would prefer a caution deposit instead> Should I send my bank account details? :)

Neetu: I am quite perturbed. You talk of FORGIVENESS and not practice at all. Just let it go. I prefer to read your posts on Guruvayur and Madurai which are bereft of this bitterness.

A.Sathyanarayanan12/29/2018 5:32 PM

Dhamma Mani Sir on Whatsapp: Hope this is your last post and this one resolution will surely take you forward. You will move from self-pity to earning the respect and attention and love from others that you yearn for. This is just the negativity that is denying you these gains. Now that you are resolved to shed your negativity, you will see a positive difference in your life. I pray 2019 will usher in happiness, peace and harmony. Concentrate on your writings positively and money and honour will follow. Good luck

Sailesh2/05/2019 8:51 PM

Glad to see a positive beginning in 2019 in your new home and may the happiness and good cheer continue.

Sanskrati4/03/2019 5:46 PM

Very informative post really appreciated your efforts. Also do visit.
Mcx tips

Shivaja6/02/2019 5:14 PM

Reading through felt like listening to you talk. And this friend of yours..Ranga, he has put the points aptly. Never thought of it that way. Yes if you had recorded would have illuminated the world, but then you have conveyed the gist of it and I liked it.

Ashish Bansal on Whatsapp (30/6): So well written. Your personal progress, your happiness quotient just keeps through. Your description of Chennai rains is fantastic - so relatable, so human. And finally tieing the laces with PUMA acquisitions. Feel very happy for you, my friend.

Shivaja: ...ur writing is effortless and natural. We the readers feel part of your life as we read.

giridharan7/08/2019 9:54 AM

I would suggest better try to travel somewhere until your mind says to stop. Then experience the climate and culture. And then comeback to home.

Ashish Bansal: Saying it again "very human" "very real" and it egged me to read on. It was humbling to know that our call meant so much to you. You are a wonderful person and "very human". Cheers to your lovely writing. Carry on.

Dhamma Mani Sir: Vipassana will give the mind the protective coating needed to prevent it from going to rust and ruin.

A.Sathyanarayanan11/08/2019 8:43 AM

Ashish Bansal on Whatsapp: Wonderfully written. Even through the roller-coaster of thoughts, I sense your mindfulness which is great achievement. You are aware of what is going inside and outside, despite the busyness that you have not experienced in a long while. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

RV Rajan: Excellent post. All the best in your new home. God bless!

Unknown12/02/2019 9:41 AM

Very nice post. Congratulations. May the Almighty bless you to complete registration of Green Park as scheduled.

Gopalan

RVRajan-Celebrating Life2/09/2020 9:05 AM

Sathya- I learnt very early in life that love, affection & respect have to be commanded & not demanded. I am delighted to learn about the initiative from your mother & sister. Reciprocate it with all sincereity. You will be a happy man. Remember the age old Tamil saying- Kutram parkil chutram illai. God bless.

A.Sathyanarayanan4/13/2020 8:50 PM

Dhamma Mani Sir on Whatsapp (13/4): Glad to note that you have begun to love and repose trust in yourself. Everything has a time and I reckon yours will come sooner than later. Take fresh guard and be on the mark, get set and go....

Shivaja4/14/2020 1:27 PM

Musings Sathya style. Original always

I’m alive!

My favourite profile: no dye, no pretense

“Can I speak to Sathya?” as I held the landline arm to the ear.

“Yeah, speaking!”

“Thank God! You’re alive. Am I really speaking to Sathya. You are not dead right.”

I don’t get flustered as I gently plod:  You ask for me and when I identify myself you want a confirmation I am alive. Not fair. Who is this?

“I am Arijit Manna from Kolkata.”

This intellectual from the great land of Bengal was a Facebook contact as he complained with just reason: no blog post in years, Facebook account deactivated. I was fearing the worst.

            It made me happy for a while; that someone takes the time to ponder on me. Next week another call and this time from Mumbai: Sathya, I am Siddhan.  It’s been more than two years since I heard from you or about you. I keep enquiring about you with T H Iyer mama. It seems you have evaporated into thin air.”

            It is not that I get a stream of such calls. Only these two to be honest.  Yeah, I am very much on the planet earth and very much alive.

            After my return from UAE in 2014 I went through prolonged blues. I lost all zest of writing and living. It would not be an exaggeration to say that I went to the depths of hell only to realize that earth is not such a bad place at all.  But more than that, I lost the writing twitch. From 2006 onwards I have been very prolific on these blog posts before realizing after UAE sojourn I had nothing new to write: unremitting and unrelenting loneliness stretched for eternity as the Sahara, miserable job experiences, and agonies of world-class cribber of a touch-me-not oversensitive soul.

            One of the best things of life is nothing is permanent; not even my sufferings.

            It’s came as no surprise that both my sisters reached out in my darkest hours.  For months I stayed put in Adambakkam, my eldest sister’s place.  After 10 years of lonely living in Besant Nagar I lost all joys of the Eliot Beach, Theosophical Society and weekend Upanishad lectures.  My second sister would invite me to her place in Kodambakkam and drag me to temples or entreat for Ayurvedic treatment for my arthritis.  They advised in different words, “Sathi, things are bad but you’ll bounce back.  Just persevere. Keep a little faith.”  

            There is miraculous pattern repeated time and again in my life: Balakanth became a friend soon after my father’s death. Manisha in 2006 when my boat was sinking.  Vivek is another friend who lavishes warmth and a human connection. I offer nothing in return but I get so much. I get free medical consultation from depression to arthritis to migraines from doctor friends: Manisha, Vivek, Rajaram

           

With Mr. and Mrs. Iyer at the beach

The miracle this time was Mr. T H Iyer mama.  I have known him since 1998 when I first started walking in the lawns of TS.  He is by far the wisest man I have known. He is an engineer who spent 4 decades in Germany in executive positions of MNCs, every great spiritual leader of our times – Sai Baba, Swami Chinmaya, Swami Dayananda – have been personal guests at his residence and they interact with him on an one-to-one “equal” basis. His wit is spontaneous and world-class. We are oceans apart - Iyer mama is the best advertisement of a human being while I have never deluded myself other than a failed writer, failed human being, broken spirits and now in free-fall.   

            One day he said: Sathya, Lord Guruvayoorapan came in my dream and asked me to keep an eye on you.

            Had any person said this, I would have shrugged it off.  In fact, it was his suggestion that I would daily chant “Kanakadhara slokam” in the years 2011 and 2014.  He would say: chant “Vinayakar Agaval” and I implicitly comply.  Another time he would suggest a “Sudarshana Homam” at my place or a visit to Kanchipuram for Mahaperiva’s blessings. Anything he said; I follow without questions.

            My redemption came in the most unlikest of ways. I started with Louise Hay’s affirmations 30 minutes morning and night from the youtube and her magnificent book “You can heal your life”.  At first the affirmations felt as distant from another galaxy but I persisted in absorbing the ideas and psychology.  That led me to Jon Kabat-Zinn’s MBSR – a free online 8 week course on Mindfulness.  Within two weeks I was hooked; I ravenously read “Buddhist” literature for 7-8 hours in a day.  Every idea felt the bars of the mental jail opening.  When I first heard “The Power of NOW” as audiobook on youtube before ordering a hard copy, I found a guru in Eckhart Tolle.  Swami Paramarthananda’s talks would take me to Himalayan heights in an experience of timelessness. Eckhart did likewise but one difference: each sentence in the book felt like it was written specifically for me.  "The Power of Now" became a practical guide to handling a tumultuous mind.    

            For the first time in life I felt: reading this book was worth all the trouble in my life starting from a sick mother used to banging the head of a one year old to the wall in 1970.  The belief system of such a child growing in such venomous hostility is fundamentally antithetical to peace and joy.  Having such a cannibal at home meant I never grew wings to fly.  
           One of the first lessons of spirituality is SUFFERING is not such a bad thing. In fact in Buddhism it is the starting point of liberation. You have suffered so much that you don't want to suffer any more.  

            My mind cluttered with so much negativity - with more than half a mind to escape the pains of earth - now found new energy fields in the mind. Transformation is a supercharged heavy word; it simply means re-wiring the mind. I became an alchemist changing my fears, resentments, hatred, and insecurities to GOLD in the form of healthy love and respect for myself and my life situation. We improve by degrees so whether the transformation is 10 % or 90% is good enough as long as the mind is set on the road to peace and happiness. In other words, being transformed simply means: I am willing to change to these wholesome thoughts!

            Mindfulness is my new buzzword.  My twitter handle is full of posts and interactions on mindfulness.  I listen and read the greatest teachers of MINDFULNESS of our times to savour and course correct: Tara Brach on Radical Acceptance (I loved her jargon on “trance of unworthiness” “constant war with oneself” “definition of prapancha” RAIN meditation. Again every sentence of her talks and writing is pure gold).  Jack Kornfield on Forgiveness, Dr. Kristin Neff on Self-compassion, Thich Nhat Hanh (loved his “ringing the bell” and “no mud, no lotus”), Byron Katie’s The Word in the form of 4 questions for replacing a negative thought into a positive, and so many really. This is no place for name-dropping but listening and reading these teachers has immeasurably enriched my life.

            Gautama Buddha asks: “If you get struck by an arrow, do you then shoot another arrow into yourself?” I spent over 47 years of my life shooting a second arrow with my cribs of lousy parents, genetic predisposition to moodswings, monster bosses, footloose romance, and growing old to loneliness and misery. Just 4 months of Mindfulness I see new hopes; new energies and a possibly that I can still make something useful with my life. 

            I think I lost that writing twitch for good which is vitally important – the love to communicate (its actually more a flaunting), addiction to words and thoughts and an endless and tireless labour to shape words into visual imagery.  I don’t foresee I will ever hit those peaks of 2011-2014 as a writer.  But writing is something I can't totally eliminate from my world. There are some topics I want to record like my uncle's sudden passing away last year. Besides "mindfulness" serves me so many lessons. These potentially can make for good reading as Rocky says: When I can change, you can change then everyone can change. Come to think of it, capturing a change process in the mind is why writing is embarked upon in the first place. 

            I am totally indebted to T H Iyer mama for hauling me up to this side of life. 

            I am still very much alive and kicking and in Besant Nagar and God in his rightful place and everything perfect in heaven and earth.  Life is a journey and it will have its ups and downs. But I’ll survive and maybe even surprise myself. 

Laughter yoga

I’d like to get in at least one blog post a month, writing is as much a habit and it can get cranky too. There are moments when the hands itch to write and there are moments when the mind goes dumb to blankness. Most times I find myself coaxing or compelling the mind to pore sweat over a sentence. Only then you realize: writing is a gift, it does not normally flow like the river but you keep digging the well. This post is hard labour.

            I realized so many things this year. I have skills in a vocation that nobody really wants. But somehow I have been able to earn my keep – the Bangalore assignment gives me almost as much as the day job in India Cements but I need to find people around to liven up a day. But today let me elaborate on “laughter yoga”.

            Eliot’s beach is a favourite walk path; it is close to my house and the beach is always a welcome sight especially on high tide and foamy waves. I used to spot a “laughing group” at 6’0 in the morning about four or five years back. I was too shy and self-conscious, I knew it would do me some good but I felt those devilish laughter shrieks would do my image no good. So I restricted myself to walks on the rose coloured pavements, watch sunrise to a crimson ball as it quickly climbs to the horizon, and gossiped on the day’s news with friends and other co-walkers that one gets to know if regular.

            Last week, a friend said,” Sathya, do me a favour. Can you step into the beach and alert my son?” The drizzle was getting stronger and clouds dark and heavy, it felt a downpour any moment. In a beach there are no shelters to run when caught in rain frenzy. I saw the son enjoying the “laughter yoga” practice with couple of others and it got me interested. I got to speak to them and I said,” I wish to try. Would you accommodate me in the group?”

            Today I joined them at 6:15 near the Kaj Schmidt memorial (you will find this white monolith structure in almost every song sequence of a film in the seventies and eighties before Indians got richer and started going to Switzerland and other places). We were just the four of us – two males and two females and I relished every minute of the 30 minutes regimen.

            We start with the “Om” chants, I found it a good feel to the nippy November misty winds against a full ball of crimson son. Then we start from the heels and toes and work every part of the body. You squat, turn your shoulders clockwise and counter clockwise, eye balls flit to the sides, the face muscles, cheeks, chin, neck, abdomen, ankles - no joint is ignored. After each area is worked, the instructor says “here we go” and we clap hands in front. The lady explained,” These energize the acupuncture points of the palms”. This is a harmless clap and swinging in harmonic motion of a pendulum clock.

            You stretch your knees, your eyes get a lot of exercise and even the facial muscles. For thirty minutes I forgot my miserable existence and copied others in the act. They were considerate to explain when my moments were getting a bit gawky.

            We ended the session with “Asathoma Sadgamaya…” and three rounds of “Shanti”. There is a section where we say,” I forgive anyone who has hurt me.” Then a couple of more exercise before we face the sun and declare,” I am the happiest person in the world” and "I am the healthiest person in the world" break into a large laugh.Before that you gather all the worries in the mind and cast it into the sea symbolically saying," No more worries." While exercising the forehead, we say," No more headaches." There's a lot of positive reinforcement at every stage.

            I am too much of an introvert and laughing got my face a lot of glow. The eyes shone like stars and I found myself light on my feet (with all those walking on the heels or toes on clumpy rain soaked sands of the beach) and my mind felt a smooth stroke of caress. I thanked the group and said,” This is too good to miss out. I will be regular.”

            Notice another thing: the best things in life are always free.  Look at another lesson that flows through almost unobtrusively: forgiveness and peace of mind are related. A daily dose of practicing laughter relaxes the muscles to laugh more spontaneously. Laugh without reason, it gets easier to find anything to cheer the grumpy mind. Better to go with the flow than resist, has been my learning these days. 

August, 2013 notes

Writing is the greatest gift and most transparent. There is nothing simpler on the globe than “evaluating a writing style”. I’ll even say how: grasp on words and control over a sentence. Read any paragraph of any writer and either he wins respect such that you would go slow on your reading speed or you fast read if it tastes like burnt coffee without sugar (in that case you would more likely fling it out of the window and find better use for your time). A good writer is one who has the ability to translate a mental imagery into words such that you laugh when he wants you to, or weep. A good writer is in control like a child torquing the screw of a doll; the doll has no choice but to play along when fully coiled and released. But Indians don’t get it and I remain undiscovered and rusting up on a seashore beach. 

Now my diluted resume goes around – I found couple of interviews in ages. I praying to join the work force with such fervor that if a crackpot says,” Go to the terrace at midnight and shout like a owl or hang upside down like flying jackals” and I would comply in all sincerity even if that were to improve my odds by less than 5%. 

The best part of August was reading Ravi’s dad’s manuscript. Here is a very accomplished marketing man (he has worked in Fortune 100 companies heading their marketing function over the last 3 decades). He read “O my darling India” and that gave him a mind to record his experiences for an autobiographical account. This is a mighty rich life and holds lessons at every corner. Mr. R Ramakrishnan is one of those gentlemen who you don’t forget in life – throaty, infectious vivacity, full of good sense and his humour is spontaneous. More than an interesting company, he has a sharp mind that cuts the maze for astounding clarity (Sarada Mami is my idol on "mind as sharp as rapier" - the pointed end for an incisive quality). Reading 34 chapters of his mss was the best thing I have done in years. It traced through his growing up years in Calcutta and meeting life’s challenges square-on. What makes any writing readable is honesty, this one had that ring throughout and that made it edifying.

August saw me interacting with the great man on gmail and it felt an invisible hand of destiny. Every mail of his is worth preserving and I add a “star” to retain it and come back to it for reading it again. He writes at a juncture: Dear Sathya, No one can , I am sure, tell a self-story so poignantly as you have, in less than a page . What a writing skill you have! Even a working tap connected to the tank full of water or any other source with a prime mover for support would clog up or spew out air only but not your language flow. It is amazing to see such a word power at work. I am also saddened that such a thinking and keenly perceptive person should be perpetually finding himself looking for job and therefore, some earning for sustenance. Trust me; I am not capable of laying it so thick and such class. Mr. Ramakrishnan is a marketing person; I find his writing more insightful and a verve I would be hard pressed to match. I have had my share of compliments but this one is special. 

I saw “Zero dark thirty” at USIS. I went into the auditorium in a sour mood but two and half hours later found a lot of uplift. This is certainly my best Oscar movie of 2013. The Americans are patriots; they will not allow anyone to kill 3,000 of their citizens and allow that depraved to go scot-free even if that blighter is a needle in a haystack and placed on the ocean floor. Jessica Chastain as an obsessed investigator and Jason Clarke as a ruthless interrogator were brilliant. The torture scenes including water boarding was spine-chilling and very graphic and damn real. The movie flowed without a kink, a tale told with a lot of honesty and painstaking research. It certainly towered over Argo, this movie deserved the “best picture” to me. What is hallmark of a good movie?  You watch a movie or read a book and you suddenly find a lot of inspiration to handle your worries – your problems look small as though you are put in an airplane taking off and the land mass shrink rapidly. Watching this movie got my mind a lot of oxygen and a new resilience to face up to my troubles in life: piece of cake as the American idiom goes.  

As for me I find my heart racing to a panic attack and I determine myself each day for two hours of Vipassana medicine. I manage my troubles with a lot more grace. I realize one thing: India is no place for me. For the first time since I started my innings as a writer in early 2007 I feel lost. This Indian CALLOUSNESS and MEDIOCRITY will certainly drown my puny talent. The rains have started and mind feels vulnerable in high doses. I serve my God, waiting, waiting, waiting....