Friends matter

The last one month has been good on the friends’ front for they gave me wonderful memories to store. By blogging I am storing these fragrances for a later day reading and reliving these moments.

Ganesh Shenoy: I was gripped in a wave of frustration by the middle of May. After Vipassana B’lore, I resumed my smoking with zest and that’s a recipe for a disaster and lay the mind soaked in gloom. I was weary and listless that nicotine brings in its wake. I called Ganesh Shenoy out of the blue for just this reason: he has a sunny disposition, he has a high energy tone of voice that makes for an instant cheer. He did not disappoint as he advised, “Sathya, don’t ever go to an old age home. I know managing the kitchen for over 13 years is bad enough. Can I suggest something? You should join a social club or something where they play cards or pool or any place that brings lonely chaps together.” I thought it was a fabulous suggestion. Ten minutes of Shenoy and I was back to my shouting best.

Manikandan: Mani is special. I had not seen my mother in six months and this was giving a guilt feel to the mind. My fights with both my siblings were like the World war kinds; I wrote to the entire circle of relations about what I felt. Like no involvement for thirty years and the very definition of SELFISHNESS and SELF-CENTREDNESS to their sons and even daughter-in-laws apart from influential relations whom they value so much. This provocation warrants stabbing a knife on my chest; this is my Caesar’s act of burning the boats.

            My mind felt and cried, “As a son, I am pathetic. The old woman could die any moment and that will add to guilt trip. I must visit her soon.” Another part of the mind said, “Not in the presence of the elder devil of a sister” I want to go through life without seeing and hearing from them; I have had enough.  Mani solved this issue for me today, “Sathya, I will accompany you to ensure that you don’t open your mouth even if they should drag you to the streets with abuses.”
            Today I met my mother; just had a glimpse of the elder devil and all was well. I spoke a few paragraphs of concern to my mother and came away. I wouldn’t have done this of my own steam, Mani plodded me along. This was a huge huge favour.  

Ashish Bansal: When the luncheon party got over on 18/5, Ashish offered to drive me to Huda City Centre metro station. On the way I said, “My moodswings abated after my heart surgery. I was so starved of basic physical contact that when I found professional nursing, say they used to take my blood pressure or change the mop on the forehead to arrest a rising fever I got better with my moods. That sort of stabilized.” He immediately said, “It is affecting me,” as he controlled his own emotion. I have said this tale to quite a few but none fetched such a connection. That was the best moment of the DLF luncheon by a mile.

Vivek Banerjee; He hosted a bout of whisky at Saharanpur Club on 23/5 after I had a wonderful holiday moments in Haridwar, Rishikesh and Mussoorie. We were to celebrate Modi’s big win but I was attacked by a wave of self-pity. I told Vivek, “At times I feel that this is the last decade of my life, left to myself I would do myself this very year. My life never enjoyed a basic rub of the green. My siblings could have shown some connection,  woman in 2007 was a disaster and now my knees are all but worn out. I don’t see one positive reason to live. Anything that could go wrong, they have spectacularly gone wrong  in my case.”

            Vivek has this prescription for this kind of outburst, “Sathya, you must go to Thailand and screw day and night.”
            I slept in his guest room and hit upon this great insight, “I can only love myself if I love the activities of the day. That I must like or begin to see value in the daily SPARRC rehabs, swimming at Raj Sundar, and trading activities, guitar and writing these rambles.”  Once I grasped this thought I instantly felt a bit of healing. It may be true that one day I will blow my brains but for the moment let me enjoy these moments.

Ranga: On Wednesday, 29/5, we went to Maris. Of all my friends, Ranga is the most detached. I am sure he won’t call me in decades unless I call him which sort of devalues our entire relation. He is like Sherlock Holmes to my Watson and trust me, I hate to be fawning and obsequious.  That day he was in roaring form and we had a conversation that if recorded could have illuminated the world.

            I asked him, “How do you rate Gandhi as opposed to a Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and Aung San Suu kyi?”  He said, “I will not. Sathya, if you observe closely we are not reacting to a personality but we will be debating about our sources of information. Only Gandhi’s parents can have view of him and to everyone else he is just a story we have read. So any argument is “your story of Gandhi” versus “my story of Gandhi” and yours and mine depend on our sources of information.

            Then I told him about the power of vibes and how some people have charisma. Ranga said, “Nature does not give anyone charisma for it needs two people to create it. It needs an object and then it needs a foolish Sathya.” I told him about a physio therapist at SPARRC who was charismatic and I realized the wisdom of Ranga’s words: Nature does not confer charisma on anyone, it is always the person perceiving who does it.” With Ranga, you see so many subtleties.

            I was telling him, “Be it Bill Gates or Steve Jobs or Narayanmoorthy; nature produces its winners”. He said, “Wrong again. Nature may have a say on survival issues but the success of these blokes is determined by human nature - which is greed, avarice, talent, gumption for hard work, opportunity and how anyone defines success and the price they are willing to pay - and not Mother Nature.” Right again.

            On opinions Ranga said, “Every motherfucker is entitled to an opinion but if you are cultured you will examine them regularly saying it is merely your point of view. If you are cultured, you will listen to other’s who has invested more in their opinions though you don’t have to swallow anything lock, stock, and barrel. We form opinions to make sense of the reality that is unfolding, if you are aware that it is limiting point of view then you are getting somewhere.”

            Then he said, “You must know to differentiate between teachers and experts. Issac Asimov (he rattled many names) are born to teach but they are not the last word of the subject.  Of course as a teacher they are brilliant but Sathya learn to differentiate between teachers and experts.”

            I came home feeling this regret, if only I had recorded this chat it would be a treasure for the entire world. Ranga is as dry as Sherlock Holmes but he is that level of a genius too. Even scraps of his brilliance like this post will do. Fortunately he does not read these spaces and I am saved.