Rewriting January Memories

I am learning a lot on MINDFULNESS lately.  Mindfulness has never been a theory for me to flaunt but something to practice; a THOUGHT tool to REWIRE the mind circuitry. This month I got to hear a lot of Rick Hanson’s 12 pillars of resilience and I have gained a few insights foremost of which is “our brain are wired to sense danger, we are genetically predisposed to mistrust and be suspicious of others motives. It takes a conscious learning to imbibe the values of love and faith in the mind circuitry.” You do that by landing the positive experiences long enough on your mind. 

            That really got me acting as I attempt writing my January memories in the light of this premise – let me record POSITIVE experiences in the month, let me stay in that feeling so that the psyche records it and learns to build mental reserves of patience and faith. These are big words and so let me simplify: when you have a positive experience, stay with that feeling longer so that it records in the mind.

            So much for introduction and now let me start working.

T H Iyer mama had advised that I should light a lamp before 10’o clock on 1^st January at the new house. So I hurried my cook at 9:45 to the new place. I placed a couple of God’s statues and frames and flowers and agarbathi and all that. I tried lighting a lamp but the wind was a bit strong and got nowhere despite two strikes on the matchbox. Thangam mami made one attempt and she got the flame long enough to light the lamp. I felt thankful that such a morally scrupulous person was there for the occasion and I closed my eyes for this prayer: let this new home bring happiness that M90/4 denied. Lord, I am a small fly and desperate for tailwinds. Let my life be blessed with your grace – better earnings and maybe romance for my life could do with some drama. Otherwise this is getting to feel like a monastery.

            Shifting took its toll. I rang Ranga in panic saying, “I desperately need a drink.” He said, “Come to Maris on 5^th January on a Saturday. I am free that day.” That drink at Maris not only quenched my thirst for whisky but also smoothened a lot of nerves after the shifting headaches.  We also had a drinking session at the new residence where Ranga dished out a startling definition of life: It is an opportunity of a journey to test out your beliefs with no promise of a reward.  I loved the words: OPPORTUNITY, JOURNEY, TESTING YOUR BELIEF, NO EXPECTATIONS OF REWARDS. No wonder I rate him so high for an original thinker. Then on the following weekend he narrated the story of AHALYA and RENUKA (mother of Parasurama who killed his mother on his father’s commands). He said: Ahalya was vain about her beauty that even Indra lusted for her. Despite her marriage to Gautama Muni, she was proud and arrogant (two qualities a woman must never imbibe for they drown them in the river of life to a mathematical certainty). When Indra violated her, she played along but she realized after the act was done: what have you done? You have completely destroyed me, nay I have destroyed myself totally. She did not offer any excuse, rather submitted herself to her husband’s curse. Gautama Muni was so forgiving as he said, " What you have committed is indeed a grave sin. I will show the way to penance and purify your past. You will turn to rock and be undisturbed in your meditations without having to hear to the viciousness of the world. Meditate in solitude and in time you will be purified and I will accept you.” What a husband for magnanimity!  With Ranga, one picks up so many things in a conversation.

            In January I spoke to Ashutosh for a rich harvest. His movie “Ganga’s first born” was truly an amazing piece of work. Vikas Bagga reverted to my call, got to speak with his wife Sabina (our batchmate) and Deepti (they are neighbours in Gurgaon) in decades. Neetu is caring and friendly on the phones and mails. I get a lot of warmth from IMT friends and I make a conscious record of them given that I circulate with so few here in Besant Nagar. Now that I have stopped going to the beach for the morning walks on the advice of SPARRC, I appreciate with gratitude any friendly vibes I can collect.

            Once Dr. Nandakumar (my only acquaintance to him is in the Beach) who saw me smoking, he urged me in a strong tone, “Sathya, smoking is no good. I would not interfere if you are addicted to alcohol or go weak in your dalliances with women. Of all the vices, this is just not on. Promise me not to touch this nicotine stick again.” I promised mentally saying,” Let me try out a TOBACCO FREE February before I can take long term resolves. So far, clean and I hope to be clean for the rest of the month. I see this advice coming from an unexpected quarter as a divine message, so let me pay heed here.

            This Sunday, 3^rd February, I met Dr. Rajaram who really has a key to my laughter bones. I was telling him about my learnings from Rick Hanson’s book that he heard in silence, actually I was shooting him with a machine gun on these insights. I am so excited in his company that I share all my learnings with a dog’s enthusiasm and he is quite patient and forgiving. He introduced me to this friend who said, “I am a professional gambler at the horse races. In my youth I used to own horses but now I restrict myself to betting. I do earn quite a sum considering that I have spent most of life on the turf.” I ejaculated with a gusto,” Gosh, please take me to the course. I want to have a feel.” He said, “Certainly but on one condition; you will not place a bet. This is one place I have seen many lose their mental bearings.” Rajaram said, “Sathya, he considers himself a mindfulness guru, will not descend to betting. He is there to absorb and write a blog otherwise I will cut his balls.” No wonder I love this man and his banter.

            I also made a list of all the happy events of 2019 so far and there are 7 listings and from now my blog posts on Dauntlesssathya would try to capture that positive feel. So there is some massive learning here. As a writer I try to balance between experience and learning and also watch out for "is there anything for a reader to pick up on."  So let me stay POSITIVE on my writing at least in 2019.