Busy as a bee

#153

These are fast-paced crazy times. Too many things happening and I am just waiting for this week to lapse to get my breath back.

            Buying an apartment is as tough as getting a daughter married is an age-old Tamil proverb that I am now facing the full brunt of it. I have just the money for the purchase but some of it is locked up in Fixed Deposits (one is maturing this month-end and I hate to lose out on the interest part especially when it on the last month of the finishing line). A friend once insisted that I handle 75 lacs of his money after realizing that I am going at A+ levels in the stock market. A month back I was cavalier and dismissive for it is “infinitely better to win or lose one’s money than play with the trust of a client. But now on the last stretch of an apartment buy I reverted back to him, “I can’t handle 75 lacs but I can promise you 20% return for 25 lacs which is a mental pressure I can handle without changing my trading style.” If he agrees, I get the apartment without any overdraft or loan otherwise I empty out my pockets for the GREEN PARK apartment at Palkalai nagar. This week should answer that question: whether I go for an overdraft or being an investment specialist for a neighbor.

            I don’t really fare well under any kind of pressure. I am like an African native who does not mind waiting for a bus in a bus stop for two days. I want time to pause, reflect, masticate. It’s not in my grain of genes for a thoughtless, heedless rush of time where I am simultaneously doing two dozen things in a moment and tick-off items of a checklist kind of living.  It’s fun for a month or so beyond that I can’t take that load of baggage.

            Tirupati trip was a miracle thanks to Thirumalai the driver. I also learnt that I talk too much in a coach kind of setting. We were 10 of us and I was sizing them up to the extent of doing a blog post on each one of them. But yeah there is too much noise I bring to the atmosphere and there’s no excuse. But my only weak defense is I rarely venture out of my apartment and so make the best of a talking opportunity. But when I do an overdose of it, I end up educating others. I see myself as a sage and philosopher by accident, my life is so far removed from the usual humdrum. I also feel so much superior in the midst of people when I see moans and groans of “I did not get the promotion I deserved” or “I cannot afford French perfume or the latest winter collection” or “I am having a tough time deciding on the curtain’s colours” kind of lifestyle living when I am very comfortable living without power supply for hours of a hot humid Chennai skies or warding off mosquitoes that has drawn first blood on my skin. Life the eternal courtesan, I find it attractive and drawn to it like iron filings to a magnet. Life as it falls on me and others. Everyone I meet is a puzzle my mind wants to crack (I have this ingrained Holmes streak since childhood!!!), each one of us have whales of stories to tell. There is no such thing as normal which is what you will find in a TVC where a happy couple is selling insurance with a playful boy and an aspiring girl all doing aerobics in the living room. Life for most part is tough, not at all easy in our times.

            Then I had a three days Vipassana which one would have thought was a breeze. We had the biggest rains of the season and “how I managed to reach Besant Nagar in one piece after being stranded for three hours on the road in the middle of nowhere” is enough material for a blog post by itself. Point is, each time I go out of my house, there is a story that descends on me.

            2019 has been a fabulous year – possibly my best. 1998 was a great year where I had a heart surgery that led me on a journey of wastrel idleness through weekend Vedanta talks and a king’s walk on the Theosophical Society lawns. These were the main courses in the day and I loved it without the pressuring of earnings or placating irate clients or fire-fighting or any stupid glory at the corporate.  Then 2007 everything seemed to fall in place; my first writing job and my first & last tryst at romance. But 2019 is special because this is the first time I was not short of money and I made the best use of it – four trips to Mumbai by flight, a holiday in Delhi, Vipassana courses in Igatpuri and Banglore and now these short trips to Kanchipuram and Tirupati. This year I had a lot of outdoors and they have definitely impacted my mind on how others cope with a witch called life.

            My mind is so full of trading that I am having little time for these blog posts. I wanted to write “Adventures in Trading” for sharing my experiences on Tata Steel and Bharti Airtel. I also have a pending blog post on “Vipassana @ Chennai” which I should fit in by this week. I record my thoughts on a mobile so that I don’t forget the raw data as it were of life memories and that’s when I realize the power of a written word. Nothing comes close to writing, not even a high quality audio recorder.

            2019 gave me a glimpse of life that I have chosen after trading. There will be more trips and even monthly 3 days Vipassana breaks in 2020 from the stress of the stock market. I am planning a weekly planner where I can jot down the daily BPL (Booked profits or loss) and total MTM (Market to market) gains on a day. Then have a schedule of 3-days retreats at BLORE, HYD and MAA (Chennai code is MAA in Airlines book) for a monthly Vipassana break and weekend travel in South India to compensate for the stresses of the week.

            I am thankful to Ganesh Shenoy for his boisterous cheer, Raghu, Gopalan, Iyer mama, Manisha, Yohanan give talking and listening pleasure. Yesterday I got home with a heart as excited as a formula-1 car driver after battling the rains and spoke to Ashish Bansal for a sounding board. He really is wise beyond his years; each time I speak to him I am richer with an insight. Said he, “Sathya, you seem to be living without any baggage of past while most us are limited by our experiences.” That, my friend, is due to the daily practice of mindfulness. In the end nothing counts as much as love and trust you confer on yourself. You are indeed the hero and villain of your life, don’t allow any frilly petticoats with shaved legs and western skirts baring thighs to disturb the peace that is inherently gifted to us by creation.

            As for me, I am just waiting to make the final payments for securing GREEN PARK and then shifting into it. The rest are mere details now. I have done very well in 2019 for this is the first time in my life I have a money making skill. Gods be finally blessed for liberating me of this plight for decades. 2020 should see me get a villa in Kumbakonam and maybe even my first car. But there is no woman in my mind for a determined resolve. Life is good as it is, there is too much risk losing my new found wealth and freedom. Finally there is also a growing insight that "Whatever I do, I am world-class" - be it creative writing, soft skills training that never got a platform, mindfulness literature and now stock market trading. Which is a comforting thought for a mind which is genetically rich in diffidence. Gods be blessed for making this year so packed with activity and purpose.