My blood boils

Normally I don’t write a blog until I zero-in on the title in the mind. That more or less sets the tone and pace of narration. I had “Ides of March” for this tale but that was before I spoke to latha yesterday. 

            When 2018 began I made a promise to myself that these blogs would steer clear of these four characters: mother, siblings, sindhi for enough has been written and said on them to the point of saturation.  pushpa is dead on these pages for it is a story that is nipped a long while back, amma also is not a live bank account for she is terribly sick but both my siblings are devils-in-motion and there is no avoiding the pain and hate in these pages.

            I get a call from viji, my eldest sister for those new here, saying,” Amma is very depressed and I am taking her to Hyderabad for a week.  Can you please give Dr. Manisha’s number?”

            Dr. M came on the line next day saying, “Your sister called and I advised that if your mother is so suicidal the trip is better postponed.  Sathya, hearing the symptoms I think your mother needs constant supervision.”

            The mother and daughter went to Hyderabad on 10^th March, Charminar Express and I get a call from the she-devil on 13^th March with an excited shriek like a person who is  fast drowning. Said viji: Amma, is so embarrassing. I am going to put her in an old age home. Even the neighbours here are raising questions.”

            I said,” Look viji, I don’t know whether you are the patient or amma. I offered to take care of mother in Besant Nagar. I also helped you on the psychiatrist whose advice you conveniently ignored.  Come to Madras and we will take a call when your nerves are not so taut and jumpy.”

            This conversation got me rattled. This family is so poor that it cannot even give an aged person very close to the grave some breathing space. Of late "v "keeps threatening the old woman, “Behave properly or you go to an old age home.”  That has gone deep in amma’s psyche and that really terrifies her more adding to the already sick dormant depression in the mind.

            I was livid and I wrote on viji’s whatsapp page: "Better go to a church and become a Christian. You have not learnt the lessons of love and care and compassion. And if you treat mother so callously and dismissively, the odds are not so high that you will have a pleasant and peaceful death when your time is at the end.”

            I went to Vipassana on 14^th morning and came back on 18^th afternoon. I really felt sad that I couldn’t do a thing to add some grace in my mother’s last few months on earth. My earnings are nil over years, I am alone and yet I told "v": You and latha are worth over 5 crores and I am minus 5 lacs yet I have a much larger heart. You sick women!”

            I spoke to maternal cousin Mr. Srinivasan who said, “Both your sisters have no heart at all. Even the sight of a dying woman does not soften them.” Then Shyam who is my well-wisher commented over a whatsapp call, “Looks like both your sisters have not seen much suffering in life and hence act from a high pedestal. Life has a way of teaching these dolts.”

            There was no message from viji after 13^th and yesterday I called latha to test the waters. She was fuming,” viji was very upset with your mail. Amma is very depressed. Please delete my email id and don’t send any mails” I hung up and felt so disturbed that I walked down for the second Gold Flake of 2018, I told myself that both these women are lining up for a public humiliation that I will dish out. At a time and place of my choosing! Both these bitches see AMMA has a burden and it is for this reason I would live to see a day when these worms suffer the slings, boulders and Bofors gun of destiny. 

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I had a wonderful time travelling with Mr. Narayanan Subramanian from Alandur Metro Station to Dhamma Arunachala in Thiruvannamalai on 14^th morning. He is my newest friend that I met during my last month’s 3 day sitting at Dhamma Setu in Chennai. He is 72 years, full of zeal of a new convert to Vipassana, a successful businessman who is affluent both on the money and people front.

            Seated on the front seat with him on the wheels of  a Honda City, he said, “Sathya, I have some guiding principles in life. NO ARGUMENTS with anyone, each one is entitled to their views in my presence. NO ADVICE, I hate to give unsolicited advice and that is the best way to drive people away from you. Any time I worry about my business in a downslide, I make it a point to NEVER INTERACT WITH NEGATIVE PEOPLE. They will justify my failure and advise me to visit an astrologer.”

            I mention this for I find this simple rule a wonderful discipline to follow in life. He joked saying,” I meet a 87 year old and another 80 year old every evening near my residence. Each one talks in turns and no one interferes with their opinions. Once it gets dark and mosquitoes start to harass, we disband and go to our homes. This is one human interaction we all cherish. It is such a privilege for people to talk and listen in our times.” He even bantered, “I call this deaf and dumb friendship.”

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It was this 72 year old friend who said on my Pongal+vada business,” You will burn a hole in your pocket. My daughter-in-law is in the catering business and what you need to succeed is a passion for food and ability to cook. You have neither the mental side nor the cooking side; so better do any activity closer to your skillset and that is what nature intends of you.”

            This wisdom nixed two weeks of my planning on launching myself as a food caterer.  In the 4 days of meditation this idea started to take root and grow deeper: how about starting a neighbourhood weekly on the lines of Adyar Times? Those fuckers have 20:80% content to advertising. I can generate a more even spread at 60:40 and what more I will make for engaging reading.”

            Since then I spoke to couple of friends. This is money guzzling business but it can meet a premature death three months later and set me back by 15 lacs in which case I would have to SELL the Besant Nagar apartment or it can make my debut as a editor of India’s richest colony like Besant nagar and I may even be invited to dumb debates on Republic or Times Now or CNN News 18 when those Delhi fuckers need a Chennai angle. Meaning, I can be a city celebrity with this NEIGHBOURHOOD weekly if it comes off. On such a razor’s edge life goes on. Forget the humour but I am sinking and given the current murderous rage in my heart, I am most tempted to blow my brains off if I can get hold of a gun. Now I realize why America is a great country.