Chris
is a walking friend on the Eliots Beach and he said this for a gem,” Sathya, I
am growing old. I don’t know why I should waste the resources on my decaying
self. Young people have greater claims.” That left a deep mark on my mind
cubicle. Nature bestows us with a lot; even for the simple rice to come to my
table it needs rains, sun and a farming community. And if you stretch this idea
further of being a consumer you’ll find an embedded message: Make your lives worthwhile otherwise you are squandering
nature’s munificence.
I have never arrogated myself or thrown my
weight around. I am diffident by nature for I am highly consciousness of my
infirmities. The diffidence is a blessing in my case for it has helped me grow.
If you know you are at 20 then it is easier to put in efforts and make it 22,
ninety per cent of the people just don’t know the starting base. Since I know
my head is a small vessel I consciously try filling it, no drop too tiny to
ignore.
So whether it is my Writing or
Vipassana or Vedanta there’s been humility built-in. Before you write a page is
blank and after you write there is so much work to do! Vipassana is again one
hour of squatting and the back starts to pain. There is lot of effort involved
in training the mind.
2014
has been an exceptional year though I have not advanced one step on the
uncertainty surrounding a job. In these eight years I have not learnt to settle
in a job – both my bosses at India Cements and Adline
Advertising were manic runaways from an asylum than human. I don’t blame myself
at all except destiny. They were utterly ruthless and brutal, I suffer
no guilt walking away. Both these jobs stretched my patience to levels I have
not been before.
So
as 2014 draws to a close let me draw the areas I need to focus on.
Get a sense of purpose to life: It was in Abu Dhabi I realized that I must have a sense of
purpose to the day or even some abiding interest to latch on. Being on one’s
own is so crushing to the morale.
I
must be regular on 15 minutes of Sandhyavandanam a day and an hour of
Vipassana. I want to transcribe “Bhajagovindam” in 2015 apart from the three
annual talks of Swamiji. These are very modest goals. I would like to chant
Rudram without the book. On Vipassana I would like to attend a 20 day and serve
on a 10 day in 2015. I enjoy going to weekly sittings on Sundays at T – Nagar
so I’ll have a goal of 25 visits in 2015. I am one of nature’s worst lazy bone
and so let me get a discipline at least once a week.
Just don’t crib: I won’t starve in 2015
as Abu Dhabi savings would see me through. So let me not crib where and when I
am going to get the next assignment. It has been 7 months at home now but let
me not settle into dud jobs. In the last 9 years I had 10 employers: eight I walked out and twice I was sacked. Let me
respect these odds and not sign in a hurry. I survive despite being idle for
over 50% of the time. Writing and Vipassana would not have developed had I
compromised to be an office slave. I don’t want to earn mortgaging my
self-respect.
Editing: I must edit spiritualsathya
for typos and copyedit Damien bosses in 2015. It will be cakewalk if I take one
post when idle and then this would be a breeze. And if I were to allocate a
fortnight or a month then it would be arduous labour and no fun at all.
New interests: Guitar and swimming. I
am too much of a couch potato and so let me hit the pool if I get an
opportunity. Besides with arthritis walking is becoming a drudge.
Lastly allow life to flow without spoiling
it with my agenda: I am by nature one of the least ambitious persons.
Getting into WWM was destiny, Vipassana was destiny, Abu Dhabi also came
without my steering the boat. Life is a flow of good and bad and there’s no
choice there. So for 2015 I have no writing goals at all.
2014 started with a mild depression
and then five months in Abu Dhabi. I wasn’t exactly jumping with excitement. I
came back to Chennai with an enhanced self-esteem. Mohan Natesan at Adline
Advertising was worse than any barking dog; I doubt whether any doctor would
even diagnose him a homosapien.
I had reconciled to just being a
content writer until the last three weeks improved my self-image. Working on
Damien bosses posts felt so alive and kicking. It made me realize I am good in
capturing what’s happening around me. So I pray for interesting times than
interesting writing.
I also don’t have
to work 12 months a year on a 9 to 5 unless the salary is so attractive or I
have friends at work who bring cheer and banter.
Ideally I would love to work in a concern that respects me as a person and the
skills I bring to the table. Otherwise I don’t wish to hang around for more than
6 months. Each month I earn, let me save for another idle month but on no score
I want to be terrorized at work.
Courage
is the answer: One of the benefits of old age is knowing you have survived
many storms. Your worst nightmares have come true and yet you are fat and
sturdy on your toes. I am 45 and only now I am getting a whiff of this truth: We are much stronger than we think and we give ourselves much
less credit than is due. So
whatever the day brings, courage must be summoned almost immediately. For that
having faith in oneself is paramount. I have always tried to ape my school
friend Vinod on self-faith; he has so much of it to intimidating others. Courage
and self-faith will be the nice words to remember in 2015.
2014
to me was an outstanding year: 38 transcriptions on spiritualsathya and 50
posts on Damienbosses. If I net a good employer then it should move my vehicle
a lot forward in my quest for peace and tranquillity. And importantly let me follow some discipline
and not waste the natural resources as my friend talked about.