The answer is SURRENDER

The Whitefield job interview tanked. They wrote to say: we appreciate and have regard for your skills and accomplishments but you are not selected.  To be honest, starting a new life in Bangalore is difficult and I even feel that a UAE now would be a strain on both body and mind; I am used to Besant nagar and I must find 50 k monthly income soonest or dispose off this flat. There are no heartbreaks.  I did my best and if this is my destiny, why should I resist it or make a song and dance of misfortune? On a lighter side after the Whitefield abortion, at least I got "Soulful encounters @ Bangalore" blog post for my expenses of money and efforts. 

            There are two lessons that is CRYSTAL to me: Love and respect yourself without a shadow of doubt. Two, Surrender to the flow of events. As I age I feel I have no right to even plan, let me do what I ought to do and bring in my best beyond which there is nothing to add or subtract.

            2018 is the year of anniversaries:

a)     10 years of Vipassana

b)     20 years of heart surgery as on 27^th June. Seriously I never thought my engine would run so long given a million unresolved issues in life. Handling loneliness, joblessness after a heart surgery, I think I am SUPERMAN to endure.

c)      20 years of Swamiji’s classes and Theosophical Society. Now I visit TS once in 6 months and less than four classes in a year at Swamiji’s classes. But for a time they were my main source of electricity to life.

I also realize one thing CRYSTAL CLEAR: I am hero or villain of my life. Since I reside alone this is as recluse as it can get in nature. So any SUCCESS or FAILURE is 100% my own creation; my responsibility. Frankly I don’t like too many people and too much noise around me; but this silence is also getting to my nerves. But then remember lesson two: SURRENDER to what comes before you.

            I take my morning walks daily. I am grateful to TH Iyer mama who cares for me. I also value my interaction with Mani Sir, a recent friend from Vipassana. He is friendly and sympathetic to my flotsam status in life. Then there is FB for human warmth which I find in a Deepak Mehra (he says that I deserve so much more than just a newspaper column and middle class earnings), and so many others who have nice things to comment on my wry posts.

            I feel that there are many who read my blogs especially in THINKSATHYA and they do feel nice about it. I wish there was some money and some success somewhere but if this is going to be my script then let me not make it a 70 mm technicolour drama except take it on the chin. I am sick and tired of this wastrel existence of FB, television, siesta and even music and guitar start to grate.

            Things are lousy at the moment and I am more than willing to sell this place. I feel stranded like a castaway in an island on nobody's map and waiting for some angel or devil for deliverance to anywhere. This feels like a STUCK-UP WHEEL in the sands and I could do with some human or divine assistance.