February so far

Post #123 on Dauntless

This has been one of the hectic phases of my life in a long while. Each day feels sort of rushed – something I actually don’t relish – but it’s a novelty for a man who eats, sleeps a lot, and aloof for a recluse monk existence.

            Hectic or frenzied gets in activities and people. This has been a kind month so far. Let me jot down the daily routines for FEB:

a)     Online Trading Academy (OTA): I joined the OTA classes on equity trading and I am loving these lessons conducted so ably by Mr. Fahim Ansari. This is an online classroom program from 11:00 -1:00 each day where we analyze graphs for a curve analysis (should you BUY or SELL decision), trend (SHORT OR LONG) and finally mark the supply and demand zones on lower time frame charts. Three months ago, I only knew the spelling of the word STOCK and now I am more than a novice. I feel that I have in me to make money consistently. Watch this space for rest of the year and you might see emergence of Sathya the trader who is precocious amassing a good easy fortune at the bourses. It is TRADING that gives me the excitements of the day; or else I would be worried sick that my capital would chip away southwards. Also it does away the need to join the work force for which I have a distaste and keep a reptile length distance. 

b)     SPARRC: When I sold M90 and I got an advance of 5 lacs on 12^th October, the first thing I did was consult the prodigious Dr. Kannan Pugazhendi at Alwarpet and start the REHAB sessions at the Besant Nagar centre. Now four months I feel that this 50 k is the best investment I have made in a long, long time. I now walk without a limp; so many friends say, “God, you suddenly  appear tall and have the gait of an army man.” I must thank Sukanya the most for this transformation; Loka and Protima deserve a special mention. Doing these daily exercises, I feel a “10 years” younger. The body feels light; one can never overestimate the importance of daily round of vigorous workouts. I feel like a wrestler ready to charge for a duel – physical fitness is indeed the starting base for emotional and psychological well being.

I always love each time Arun Kailasam visits me or connects over phone. He interviewed me for a CONTENT position in Nov 2013 and the first thing he said on that day on shaking my hands was, “I read couple of blogs that you mentioned on your LINKEDIN site. I wish I could write 5% of your ability some day.” That was beginning of a good friendship and he makes a point to connect at least “once a year” basis. He was at my residence last week; he dragged me to FAB INDIA at Besant nagar for CURTAINS. He insisted that I purchase a KURTA, my first. I feel special interacting with him; he has tons of banter and cheers and I feel as alive and light hearted as a sophomore graduate.  

            Thanks to Sanjay the HAPPINESS CATALYST I met the BANYAN team on a content opening. I loved the travel on the CHENNAI METRO (now Anna nagar feels so close, I used to dread visiting this farthest end of town which the metro shortens to a 20 min ride) boarding a LITTLE MOUNT station. I did not even know how to change platforms, a young railway employee pointed out to the downward flight of stairs. I also loved the announcements inside the train; only in TAMIL and ENGLISH. I feel so much at home at Chennai that I easily banter with a bus or an auto driver. Arun rightly observed, “Sathya, you are dyed-in-the-wool CHENNAIITE. You cannot be happy anywhere, say a Mumbai or Delhi. You need to hear TAMIL spoken on the streets, you need the IDLIES and DOSA and FILTER COFFEE around the corner and you have been spoilt by the attentions you get on the ELIOTS BEACH.” I told him, “Righto, you have an eagle eye for observations.” Going to Banyan did have a sobering effect on me; we have much to thank heavens for keeping our sanity in the storms of this digital age. 

            I promised not to write about the BAD FOUR of my life but for this very important insight: The GROSSEST people on earth are those who SCORN LEARNING OPPORTUNITIES and NEVER APOLOGIZE. I don’t want to say another word for Dhamma Mani sir has promised to slap a 10 k fine. 😁😁

            I also relished T H Iyer mama’s comment as he wrote on Whatsapp, “Sathya, do attend the FOSWL meet as my son is fond of meeting you. He is travelling to America tomorrow.” Iyer mama gives me genuine affection that I lap up with glee. Lakhina and Neetu suggested that I celebrate my 50^th birthday at Delhi and I feel up to it. Vivek has promised me company at Rajaji National Park and arrange for my visit to a Rishikesh, Haridwar and Mussoorie. Then catch up with friends at Delhi and also tick off one item from my bucket list of “travelling by Delhi-Mumbai Rajdhani.” I am a train freak. I will take a flight to Delhi for onward; have the thrill of the Rajdhani and take a flight from Mumbai on the return. As the Arabs would say for a bit of cautions of any human plans: INSHALLAH. God willing. 

            I had a drink with Ranga and this is beginning to have a monthly run to it. We meet at MARIS and it is a good drinking hole and the best restaurant in the city for dinner. The service quotient here is to be seen to be believed. I also get in an hour of guitar - I take enormous pride here- and this feels to be one the best phases of my life. For once, I am optimistic of making money on TRADING, physical fitness and guitar makes my day something to look forward to. God keep this momentum going as far as possible, I don’t want to change a thing including the prospect of a whirlwind romance with Marilyn Monroe or who’s that female lead in “It’s a wonderful world” Donna Reed (I also have a crush on Andrea Corr, Susan Sarandon, Geena Davis and so many actually).

Rewriting January Memories

I am learning a lot on MINDFULNESS lately.  Mindfulness has never been a theory for me to flaunt but something to practice; a THOUGHT tool to REWIRE the mind circuitry. This month I got to hear a lot of Rick Hanson’s 12 pillars of resilience and I have gained a few insights foremost of which is “our brain are wired to sense danger, we are genetically predisposed to mistrust and be suspicious of others motives. It takes a conscious learning to imbibe the values of love and faith in the mind circuitry.” You do that by landing the positive experiences long enough on your mind. 

            That really got me acting as I attempt writing my January memories in the light of this premise – let me record POSITIVE experiences in the month, let me stay in that feeling so that the psyche records it and learns to build mental reserves of patience and faith. These are big words and so let me simplify: when you have a positive experience, stay with that feeling longer so that it records in the mind.

            So much for introduction and now let me start working.

T H Iyer mama had advised that I should light a lamp before 10’o clock on 1^st January at the new house. So I hurried my cook at 9:45 to the new place. I placed a couple of God’s statues and frames and flowers and agarbathi and all that. I tried lighting a lamp but the wind was a bit strong and got nowhere despite two strikes on the matchbox. Thangam mami made one attempt and she got the flame long enough to light the lamp. I felt thankful that such a morally scrupulous person was there for the occasion and I closed my eyes for this prayer: let this new home bring happiness that M90/4 denied. Lord, I am a small fly and desperate for tailwinds. Let my life be blessed with your grace – better earnings and maybe romance for my life could do with some drama. Otherwise this is getting to feel like a monastery.

            Shifting took its toll. I rang Ranga in panic saying, “I desperately need a drink.” He said, “Come to Maris on 5^th January on a Saturday. I am free that day.” That drink at Maris not only quenched my thirst for whisky but also smoothened a lot of nerves after the shifting headaches.  We also had a drinking session at the new residence where Ranga dished out a startling definition of life: It is an opportunity of a journey to test out your beliefs with no promise of a reward.  I loved the words: OPPORTUNITY, JOURNEY, TESTING YOUR BELIEF, NO EXPECTATIONS OF REWARDS. No wonder I rate him so high for an original thinker. Then on the following weekend he narrated the story of AHALYA and RENUKA (mother of Parasurama who killed his mother on his father’s commands). He said: Ahalya was vain about her beauty that even Indra lusted for her. Despite her marriage to Gautama Muni, she was proud and arrogant (two qualities a woman must never imbibe for they drown them in the river of life to a mathematical certainty). When Indra violated her, she played along but she realized after the act was done: what have you done? You have completely destroyed me, nay I have destroyed myself totally. She did not offer any excuse, rather submitted herself to her husband’s curse. Gautama Muni was so forgiving as he said, " What you have committed is indeed a grave sin. I will show the way to penance and purify your past. You will turn to rock and be undisturbed in your meditations without having to hear to the viciousness of the world. Meditate in solitude and in time you will be purified and I will accept you.” What a husband for magnanimity!  With Ranga, one picks up so many things in a conversation.

            In January I spoke to Ashutosh for a rich harvest. His movie “Ganga’s first born” was truly an amazing piece of work. Vikas Bagga reverted to my call, got to speak with his wife Sabina (our batchmate) and Deepti (they are neighbours in Gurgaon) in decades. Neetu is caring and friendly on the phones and mails. I get a lot of warmth from IMT friends and I make a conscious record of them given that I circulate with so few here in Besant Nagar. Now that I have stopped going to the beach for the morning walks on the advice of SPARRC, I appreciate with gratitude any friendly vibes I can collect.

            Once Dr. Nandakumar (my only acquaintance to him is in the Beach) who saw me smoking, he urged me in a strong tone, “Sathya, smoking is no good. I would not interfere if you are addicted to alcohol or go weak in your dalliances with women. Of all the vices, this is just not on. Promise me not to touch this nicotine stick again.” I promised mentally saying,” Let me try out a TOBACCO FREE February before I can take long term resolves. So far, clean and I hope to be clean for the rest of the month. I see this advice coming from an unexpected quarter as a divine message, so let me pay heed here.

            This Sunday, 3^rd February, I met Dr. Rajaram who really has a key to my laughter bones. I was telling him about my learnings from Rick Hanson’s book that he heard in silence, actually I was shooting him with a machine gun on these insights. I am so excited in his company that I share all my learnings with a dog’s enthusiasm and he is quite patient and forgiving. He introduced me to this friend who said, “I am a professional gambler at the horse races. In my youth I used to own horses but now I restrict myself to betting. I do earn quite a sum considering that I have spent most of life on the turf.” I ejaculated with a gusto,” Gosh, please take me to the course. I want to have a feel.” He said, “Certainly but on one condition; you will not place a bet. This is one place I have seen many lose their mental bearings.” Rajaram said, “Sathya, he considers himself a mindfulness guru, will not descend to betting. He is there to absorb and write a blog otherwise I will cut his balls.” No wonder I love this man and his banter.

            I also made a list of all the happy events of 2019 so far and there are 7 listings and from now my blog posts on Dauntlesssathya would try to capture that positive feel. So there is some massive learning here. As a writer I try to balance between experience and learning and also watch out for "is there anything for a reader to pick up on."  So let me stay POSITIVE on my writing at least in 2019.