I am a bloody fool

This Dubai hopes and dreams bite the dust. I took two months and Rs.1,00,150/- to realize that I was taken for a ride. Though the entire process looked fishy from the start, I did not have the strength or smartness of mind to see through the lies and falsehoods. TH Iyer mama says it best, “You were already clutching at straws and this swamps and drowns you over.”

            Okay, where did I go wrong? There was a very stupid FB contact Paarvathy Rajeev who would comment on my posts. I never got friendlier with the female who portrayed herself as a big disciple of Swami Dayananda. It seemed that this female must have crossed my path in AIM FOR SEVA but one is never sure for the mind loses it edge when it comes to names and faces as my clock hits a 50. She vibrated badly in the sense I felt being pursued. There was a certain awkwardness; I had a vague feeling of someone who had fallen for me. Now I am very clear: I learn my lessons well and pUsHpA was my last internet romance. That experience taught that whatever views one forms of people on an online medium just does not hold water in the sunshine of reality. Besides I am in no mood for romance as I was fast losing my shirt with my earnings behave as a stubborn tap that no amount of coaxing would get it to spout water.

            Those days I was lamenting the loss of a job prospect in BANGALORE. That felt a sure thing after an extensive telephonic interview. On 11th May I went down to Whitefield for further round of interviews with the COO and CEO. Everything about Mindlogicx felt right including the salary range of 10-12 lacs per annum. Around 24^th May I get a regret letter from them wishing me the best in future endeavours though I am very talented kinds.

            The next day I get a FB message from Paarvathy that read: I have a sister in Dubai who is a recruitment consultant. Pay 100 dirhams for registration and within a month you’ll get placed in a big company.

            Now what is Rs.1850/- when compared to the enormity of my unemployed days? I transfer that money to Uma Gayatri the very next day and forget about the whole thing. The next week I get a mail from Uma saying: I have arranged interviews at Al Futtaim and Bab Al Shams. Come to Dubai immediately.

            It is the first week of June and my mind goes feverish exploring the world of VISAs and air tickets for I am told that that I will be flying for these interviews at my own costs. The lady gratuitously offered a free stay saying, “You can stay with us for couple of days,” and I thought: My god, friends for life. And all my good karma at work!!!! Those were the days of EID and finally on 20^th June, Uma writes: The CEO of Al Futtaim is gone for Eid holidays but their HR department went through all your weblinks on the resume and have made a job offer.  A three months contract extendable to another 3 or 6 months based on their needs and suitability and 10,000 dirhams for a monthly compensation. I wanted to negotiate to 12,000 AED but friends like Mani Sir and Shyam advised caution, “Sathya, go along with this offer. Get a toehold in Dubai and it will drastically improve your job profile.” Uma also counselled, “ Sathya, I advise you to take it up for once you are in Dubai, you are free to explore other writing or soft skill options and I will help you source them.” Uma asked me to pay 500 dirhams for processing of work permit and I was too happy and much too eager to transfer Rs. 9,300 the next day. I just couldn’t believe my luck. Even at ADLINE no one interviewed me on the phone instead made a job offer that I thought that this was normal: the company issues a VISIT VISA for two months. The company gets the see the new recruit for it to make its mind on conferring a work permit or not. Frankly not speaking to anyone in Al Futtaim did not cause any doubt in me.

            Then on 27^th June (20^th anniversary of my heart surgery) I get this devastating news: There is an immigration ban on me and that I had the option of revoking it by paying 3320 AED through a court process. It is here I made a first error of judgement. Rs. 60,000 is a lot of money especially for one who is living out of a personal loan. Ideally I should have asked for more papers like a letter that stated that I had a UAE ban or I should have asked Uma’s mobile number and spoken to her. By now I was interacting with her through emails for a month; I had asked her mobile number couple of times but those requests were stonewalled. I was foolish beyond belief as I liquidated the last one lac from a fixed deposit account and rushed to transfer the money.

            There were creeping of doubts as I was asked to transfer Rs. 9,300 to her personal Canara bank account for the work permit on 20th June. Now another Rs. 60.100 went into the said account a week later as court charges. No company works like that as Uma presented herself as an employee of Horizon Consulting. Uma seemed a super smart recruitment consultant and her language skills on the emails were impeccable. Not one grammatical misconstruction; straight to the point and transactional just as you would expect from a recruitment consultant. I paid 60 k with the knowledge that the court verdict could go either way but since I had nothing at Chennai, I played along.

            I was almost communicating with Uma on emails every couple of days but as July dawned I found the process go slack. I thought: maybe delays in court process. On 14^th July, I get a message: Mabrook! Congratulations. The court verdict is in your favour but there is a fine of 2050 AED.

            I connect with Deepak Mehra in the meanwhile and he really was a sober voice in this episode. He said, “Sathya, I will meet this Uma and check the court documents and I will pay out of my pocket. You can reimburse when you are in Dubai and working.”  This was a huge burden off my shoulders before Uma wrote back saying, “I will not interact with Deepak Mehra. You have to trust me otherwise the whole thing is off.”  I write to her saying, “Please show me the Al Futtaim offer letter and the court documents and then I shall pay the court fines.”

            Uma sent me the Al Futtaim offer letter that looked genuine though the HR manager who issued the letter was not on Linkedin as I ran a check. I transferred 30 k saying that the balance 9 k I will pay in person. My almost daily interactions with Uma over emails, she came across as a no-nonsense super-smart recruitment consultant.

            After I pay this money I feel that I am almost in Dubai. My last 9 to 5 job was Adline in Abu Dhabi and that was four years back. Since then I fell off the cliff as I suffered a two years depression before I discovered MINDFULNESS that got me off the anti-depressants and moodswings tablets. So this job offer in UAE looked a divine grace and just what the doctor ordered. I resolve myself and as I do the math: 6 months of Al Futtaim, I break even on HDFC loans.  One year and I begin to FLOAT. Two years in Al Futtaim, it is a RECOVERY. Four years on and I should have 50 lacs in savings and a car; maybe even a woman would find me attractive at those numbers. But I don’t go overdrive as I refuse to buy things for this new Dubai job instead feeling “let the Visa and ticket come in and then I will make all the silly purchases which will not take more than a couple of days.” Only cancelling the BSNL landline would take time, rest is just across the counter purchases for new jocks and briefs and some eatables like muruppudi and pickles kind.

            I go to Nagpur for 3 days Vipassana hoping that the Visa and air ticket would be in Gmail. I find no such thing as we break our silence and our smartphones returned on 26^th July and instinctively I knew it was all a sham and I was easy goat to a massive fraud.

            Frankly I did not have any offer in Chennai. The last 13 months were bone dry. I tried my hand at Soft skill training that I fell in love but it had no takers even as I marketed: I will do this program for FREE and if you find it WORKING then you can engage me. It is here a city like CHENNAI feels a graveyard. It does not have entrepreneur spirit that even a Bangalore has in plenty.

            It feels like death for this is the end of a Dubai dream and more than that those mental calculations of reaching a shore of financial safety. I would steel myself with the thought that “The FIFA world cup is over and I will have to be at Al Futtaim till the next edition at Qatar and I have a very good chance the see the games in person for a bucketlist goal.” Now I am left talking to Real estate brokers for selling this flat (always a sick feeling knowing that you have been a complete and consummate failure in life as to sell your dad’s property to survive) and filing a police complaint in cybercrimes.

            There were three other prior instances in life where I played the complete jerk. In 2004 I ventured into a WINE BAR business where I lost 50 k even before the show got started. In 2009 pUsHpA walked out of a relation which I felt was a poor reflection of me. Last year, a movie director, touched me for Rs. 4,500 on false promises to getting my smartphone repaired and Adidas shoes at throwaway prices. But losing Rs.1,00,150/- on this misadventure hurts the most. Now I don’t think I have the mental energy to get up and start looking for other job opportunities. I SELL this thing and fill my life with VIPASSANA and wait for Yama to come and relieve me of this burdensome life. Too poor of people and money, too abandoned and lonely it feels like death would be a blessing at these times. Truly licked and final nail in my career coffin.

Movie climax suspense

#102

My unemployment shows no sign of abating.  Mindlogics at Bangalore in May felt tantalizing close. SRMC on 28/6 felt like death as they made me wait for 5 hours for the interview and upon seeing my resume said, “We are looking for someone from Elsevier for medical writing.”

            The entire June was spent in DUBAI MOONLIGHTING. Uma of Horizon arranged interviews at Al Futtaim and Bab Al Shams in the first week. I was supposed to fly in, meet these folks and hoping one of these two clicks. Then came the EID holidays before Al Futtaim made an offer: 10,000 AED and office accommodation for a three months’ work permit.

            Given the penurious circumstances of the last 12 months – my last drawn pay was 20 k at Abhiyan and that came to an end in July kinds – I felt reasonably satisfied. This is the exactly ADLINE terms and my heart wished and prayed for a 15 K AED and accommodation. Both Shyam and Mani Sir advised me not to negotiate, instead agree straightaway.

            I paid the 500 AED fees for the work permit and then came the news of a UAE ban which can be revoked by Adline or Al Futtaim or by myself by going through a court process. So another Rs. 60,000 goes into this and I have reached the very bottom end of my savings. If Dubai does not fructify then I HAVE TO SELL this place by July end and that is the extent of my bankruptcy. The five lac loan in December was perfect but I hardly earned a thing after except for Smita’s 52 k.

            I heard the news of this ban on 27/6 the twentieth anniversary of my heart surgery. I immediately unwrapped the Subha Drishti Ganapathy that Ramji had presented and offered prayers.  Then on 28/6 when I was at SRMC this news of court procedures was told to me and I paid up 60 k after prematurely closing the 1 lac FD.  This now looks a movie climax and could go either way. Uma Gayathri has been a real blessing as she goes out of the way to bail me out. I am reduced to chanting Om Shrim Hrim Klim Glaum Gao….

            I read Deepak Mehra’s Ready, Steady, Go and it is a gold mine. I realized that pUsHpA said the same thing in a succinct form.  I have been guilty of violating so many office norms at Adline that should avoid anywhere:

a)     First no personal work during office hours

b)     No to music and social media during the 9 to 5

c)      The boss is always right. Never give a negative feedback even when asked

d)     No arguments, no debates in the office space

e)     Don’t gossip about others; nor rush to fill your personal stories to others (I don’t need to explain why I am a bachelor to others even when coerced to answer. Definitely don’t go to town on the BIG BAD FOUR)

f)       Always dress to work; a big NO to sneakers

g)     Close Damienbosses and Dauntlesssathya immediately

h)     An office is no place for emotions

i)       Don’t judge instead serve unconditionally

j)       Always SMILE and show COURTESIS with greetings.

k)     Never speak excitedly on any topic at work

l)       Respect colleagues even if they are barbaric from the Stone ages.

m)   Be careful of what you put on Facebook and blogs

I start the day with LAUGHTER YOGA at the beach; thanks to Chitra and company. There is a   VP Singh who brings a lot of boisterous laughter and Chitra observes, “You laughter is artificial.”

      I am still prone to a lot of nightmares. That sense of insecurity and extreme vulnerability shows itself at slumber time. Then there is this DOG NUISANCE and now this fool of a Kalpagam must have fed something on the first floor. Now the dog feels emboldened to sleep just outside my door; a promotion from the staircase.  This dog is very determined and keeps coming back despite throwing mug fulls of water many times a day. For tenacity this dog offers a perfect lesson; like that Bangladeshi peon serving coffee at Adline on pleasing.

      Satish the actor served another lesson couple of days back, “You fool, you don’t have to go about town telling your sob stories. If your mother killed your father; then my mother eloped with a cousin ten years younger upon my dad’s death in an accident. The entire society would call us BASTARDS. Even the captain’s girlfriend ditched him during the college days and he has had three bypass surgeries after that.”  Another friendly face is Bharat who graciously gave a fake employee letter for VISA purposes; Gopalan is another friendly face.

      When I heard the UAE ban I mentally wrote this thing off. I burnt a couple of smokes and booked for Dhamma Seva at Kolhapur centre and even booked the tickets. Only the next day, Uma came with this procedure of revoking it myself.

      I do speak to Viji and predictably does not give any peace or comfort even through words. When I told her that I must buy Uma a gift if this ban is revoked and I get to catch the flight, Viji said, “Show it through your hard work.” I instantly retorted, “First you don’t seem to understand from reality even if the events are played right before your eyes. You live your life from an obsolete book that neither serves you or others.” She also has this irritating habit of SHUTTING OUT OTHER”S MOUTH when she spots the thinnest criticism in the air. Even Latha has this affliction and it gets impossible to converse with such hyper-sensitive and closed minds. Though Viji speaks like Vashishta, a trait inherited from Paati and Athai, she is just as much a fool as Amma and Latha.  This is a tribal and non-serving and negative conditioning of the mind where she sees everything as We versus THEM and that she is the sole protector of her interests kinds. Silly.

      As for me, my fate will be known today and tomorrow kinds.  I give it a 95% odds on favourite but then I got MINDLOGICS wrong too.  Mani Sir has been the most reliable of friends in these times; I also get a lot of solace talking to Shyam and Ramesh.