Art of falling in love

When and how does it hit you that you are in love? Is there a “thunderbolt” feeling when you meet your soul mate? First of all, does nature pair a male and female and conspires to have them meet? Is “soulmate” a marketing jargon full of hot air or is there something to it?

            I don’t wish to confer myself an authority on this subject but then I am a well-read person with a thinking mind. My mind was drawn to this domain unwittingly, the premises came raining down and so I am sharing this.  

We had a talk by Dr. P S Kumar at FOSWL meeting last month where he was talking on the power of thoughts and argued that if you harbour strong thoughts consistently then it comes to fruition. Said he, “When I was in college, I had a strong desire to work for L&T. But somehow I joined a local firm and I happened to meet a L&T top honcho in one of my flights. We were seated next to each other and by the end of the flight he offered me a job.” Dr. Kumar said, “That’s the power of my thoughts attracting that person and also this experience.” Another instance was I fervently wished a book on VALPARAI. You won’t believe that someone sent me an advanced copy of the manuscript even before it went into print.  Your thoughts attract similar thoughts in others and they always come to fruition.

            I came home and immediately made a list of my life-goals: a job in UAE, woman for whom my heart would beat for would really set me up for writing glory. So I made a PPT with pictures thinking that if I go to bed with these pictures on a lazy browse of a smartphone, maybe these will come to fruition as well. No harm trying, kasa panama (Tamil idiom meaning it does not cost any penny).

            One thing led to another as I worked on this VISUALIZATION ppt; I find some faces of movie stars and singers attractive. I prefer a round face in a woman than a longitudinal one; as in Dia Mirza, Tamanah, Julie Delpy, Amy Adams, Andrea Corr, or even a Soundarya. The ideas developed off its own steam; that’s the gift of a thinking mind.

            This exercise showed that I was drawn to ARTHA and KAMA just as any human would. My wish list included trekking, swimming, coming home to an embrace of a woman my heart went crazy for, a stupid Toyota car, a duplex apartment in Besant Nagar and you can fill up along those lines. And then it hit me!

            Premise one: “you don’t love a woman for her virtues or brains or dress sense, but you love her as long as she is interested in me.” I learnt this lesson very well from my sindhi imbroglio. Then this premise two came in from the visualization exercise: Never choose a woman to love on the basis of Artha and Kama – meaning never estimate the worth of a woman in terms of money, education, or any economic class or if she is tall or short or chikna or gora or the colour of her nail polish or lip stick. Why? Even the most attractive woman today will age to flabbiness and hanging skins. Proof: look at the recent photographs of a Sadhana or Saira Bhanu and you can see the mischiefs and ravages of time. Even a Rekha or Hema Malini or Madhuri Dixit in 2018 is not a show stopper sight. These women had their days and now no one would spend a dime to look in their direction. This leads to an interesting premise: you love and marry for DHARMA and MOKSHA and not Artha and Kama. Dharma means a woman with values which that Sindhi had not a miniscule, Moksha is an attitude of a person who believes in continuous self-improvement. There are very few people who invest in themselves; and take concrete steps to grow in wisdom.

            The folklore of Savitri gives the hint. She was given a carte blanche by her father, “Daughter, you can marry anyone you wish.” She went on a world tour for a year and settled for a penurious Satyavan who had less than a year of life. Savitri was supersmart in her attitude: it is better to live a year with a virtuous man than live a century with a mediocre or a monster. A year is thousands and millions of moments and in the right hands it can be heaven. Sita displays this utter scorn for money and power as she accompanies Rama to the forest. She says, “The travails of Dandaka forest is nothing compared to the pleasure of your company.” She rejects with contempt the temptations of Ravana that no amount of gold and money would equal Rama’s companionship. Both Savitri and Sita were unconsciously voting for DHARMA and MOKSHA. In other words VALUES and an ATTITUDE for SELF-IMPROVEMENT

            After this insight I am no longer drawn to a Tamanah Bhatia who frankly is a piece of meat I would have hammered in a bed of my imagination. It pays a million times to be alone than be tied in knots to a dross like pUsHpA or any woman who spends all her time in beauty salons and fab india apparels. The beauty of a woman lies in her ability to bind and capacity for self-sacrifice where she always places the interests of her husband and kids before herself all the time. Not a prima donna who is obsessed with French Perfumes or spends all her time on the latest winter collection or hair do’s or manicure and pedicure business.

            ARTHA (which is money and what money can buy) and KAMA (shape of tits and dresses) are programmed to wither and decay but DHARMA and MOKSHA are seeds that grow into banyan trees in time. What’s more they never die.  So don't believe in all this nonsense of "love at first sight" or a "thunderbolt" or "soulmates" for TRUST, FAITH are germinated and cultivated in the seeds of VALUES and brutal HONESTY.  And these take TIME and it's always a WORK-IN-PROGRESS but at least get the direction right.