There is something about life which makes it
mysterious. Even the best brains, me included, can’t determine the speed and
direction of flow of life. My life is a miracle of humongous proportion:
Bipolar at 21, heart surgery at 29, TS and Swami Paramarthananda at 29, first
writing job at 37, first girlfriend at 38, first dump at 40, Theni where I
almost died of a paid suicide at 47 and now couple of years later, I have never
been better; in the best of health and spirits as they say.
For
me MINDFULNESS was the cornerstone. Whatever I learnt before integrated into
some solid healing and oasis of peace. This year I was listening to Shauna
Shapiro’s “What you practice becomes stronger” and Kristin Neff’s
Self-compassion which is a masterpiece.
Dr.
Kristin talks about the comparative merits of Self-esteem and how
self-compassion is more comprehensive and an effective tool. She really is a
wonder woman having to deal with a messy divorce and an autistic child; she
speaks with a lot of poise and leaves me feeling soothing and better of myself. Her three components of
self-compassion: Self-kindness, shared humanity and Mindfulness is a
masterpiece for a working definition and practice. Also how a reptilian brain in
us produces Adrenalin for “fear and flight” response and our mammalian response
of intimacy and self-assurance can iron the mental voltages spikes. I heard her Ted talk and god, that set me
thinking for the next two days.
For
me MINDFULNESS is not just a buzzword or an impressionable pinup slogan to
impress the world. It saved my life and so I practice it almost half
my waking hours. It works and my life is
infinitely richer. I was travelling to Thrissur by Alapuzha Express that leaves
Chennai Central at 9:05 pm and I found myself sandwiched between two coupes of
a boisterous marriage party. There were more than dozen – kids in the age-group
of 6 to 14 running around – and making a nuisance to everyone around. The clock
hit 11:00 and I just could not slip into sleep try however much. I curbed my tongue and then told
the head of the family, “This is an overnight train journey and please we also
deserve a bit of sleep and less of noise. Kindly don’t outrage us with his
non-stop vociferous merry making.” The noise continued as I practiced
MINDFULNESS telling myself: They are out to enjoy themselves, possibly relations
meeting in ages and over-excited children who were similar to me when I was
young. I am SORRY for myself for destiny placing me in the worst seat in the
train but what the hell, this is how I must have sounded to others with my big
bass mouth. So take it as a lesson. Bite your tongue.” Once I accepted the
noise and commotion, I fell asleep. Nature always works if you keep the
troublesome mind out of the way.
For
me, I am amazed by the flow of life in my time. Lousy parents made me grow to
this level of maturity, I sincerely thank the Sindhi woman for deserting me.
Otherwise I would have missed this wonderful nectar. Today I dare say that
there are not very many in India with my intuitive knowledge of working of the
mind processes. It’s not a brag, once I knew how to heal myself and now I can
heal just about any other mind if it seeks my support.
Kerala
was soothing for the nerves and pleasing to the eyes. It is a state overflowing
with green vegetation for the eyes. The people are graceful, there are no
shouting mobs in India’s most literate state. Guruvayur temple attracts
thousands of devotees and most of them feed solids to the babies the first time
here. So I got to see hundreds of young families with the fathers carrying
their 8 months in the nook of their arms. The Kerala women is a postcard of
beauty in white saris that come with gold embroider. Again no shouting or
squealing or whining or dominating women, they behave with a lot of poise in a
public place. Two days in Kerala and I even thought I would be fortunate to
romance a Mallu woman and even settle down here if that OVER-SMART destiny were
to line me up for the slaughter.
I say this for the millionth time: Nature or
destiny or God or any super computer that programmes all our lives is 100%
accurate. You get your medicine of experience when you are ready, you only
learn when you are open and able to see a pattern amidst the humdrum and noise
of life. Take me for example, 3 years back I would have died selling this Besant
nagar home and now I am so light-hearted and happy and even feeling that it is
a good riddance. I am blessed with a lot of friends but I still believe that I
must strive to be my own best friend a million times in the day. Thank you
Kristin Neff for your work on self-compassion, someday I would like to have a
dinner with her and Eckhart Tolle and Shauna. Having these three on a dinner
table would be nice. The message of this post is simple: make peace with your
mind moment to moment and the harvest is always rich.
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