November Nuggets

Again on the face of it another VACUOUS month but when I dig deeper, there are gains. I visit SPARRC (Sports Performance Assessment Rehabilitation and Research Centre) six days out of seven. I try my best to be there at 6:45 am and I usually make it and this has been the best experience of my messy life in a long, long while.

            I signed up with SPARRC for four months REHAB for my knees and the good news is the treatment is working. They have a big centre in Besant Nagar which is a three minutes’ walk from my den. I take an out of shape elevator at Spencers to the fourth floor and from there it is 50 minutes of stretching and strengthening my muscles. Sports Medicine as practiced by Sparrc really works – every exercise is aimed at strengthening the walking muscles. They are blessed with a friendly staff: Oviya is quiet and perceptive (she knows when I need the knee weights and she will wrap it around when those are in its schedule run). Venkatesh is smart and he keeps adding variations as I progress. One of the best things of a workout is your movements get better by the day; you add more complexity or the full version of it and this is motivating enough: what I did clumsily on Monday, I get the full measure of it by Wednesday and these little improvements feels that you are on the right path. Now I walk without a limb, next week I will try a brisk walk and pretty soon I should be jogging.  This daily workouts opened my eyes to this age old trite that FITNESS and CONFIDENCE go together.  Now I want to invest in daily gym workouts. Let my biceps bulge and chest feel as strong and sinewy as a barrel.  SPARRC shows that if you experience expertise, professionalism and a friendly air,  life isn't so bitchy and messy. This is a smooth running brook and at 50 k worth every pence of it. I will remember Nov, 2018 as SPARRC month of my life. I also loved my two days holiday at Guruvayur to escape the barren loneliness of Diwali.

            There were two weddings this month in the family that I skipped. My reasons were that “You don’t send a wedding invite after three decades saying: I have a son or daughter and please do come.” It’s a mental strain that lasts for over two days seeing relatives in decades. One of the gains of MINDFULNESS is avoid any action that brings discomfort to me. First let me take care of myself and then I shall follow the societal norms is a good working principle.

            Another gain of November is Mr. Pandian who is purchasing my apartment. It now feels like selling this place to a friend. We have long chats on life and how Indians corrupt it with their existence. He has a genuine respect for me saying, “Sir, you will definitely see good days in life. Your talents and thinking is formidable. I was reading your O my darling, India and this is great writing skills.” This is a compliment I cherish as I did Anurag’s “Powerful words of an excellent writer and few can match your skills.” I turned to Dhamma Mani Sir for advice for investing in a LASSI SHOP franchise. He said, “Sathya before you start looking for locations or signing the cheque, go meet them. See how the whole thing works and then take the plunge. Don’t forget that you are a MBA in marketing from what is that institute…..IMT Ghaziabad before all this writing madness took over.” Shyam advised on investment, “You don’t need to invest all the monies in equities or MFs or debt instruments at one go. The market is volatile now, allow it to settle and do it in stages, “as he recommended a few MFs that gave him good returns.

            I watched “Bohemian Rhapsody” and it is my best movie of this year. I felt sad for two days feeling how Freddie Mercury squandered his god given skills for wild excesses. I have been listening to Queen for over two decades and this man made me cry for the operatic “Bohemian Rhapsody” and the plight of loneliness in “Somebody to love.” And I quote the lyrics of “We are the Champions” so many times in social contexts and even my blog posts. I felt sad that he died so young; but then what a celebration and joy his life has been. I also patted myself on the back that I was listening to Western music as young as 7 or 8 without any promptings. I first heard Carpenters “Yesterday once more” and “Kungfu Fighting” that my dad brought as a cassette to our first tape recorder in the mid-70s. It takes an intelligent mind to cultivate its own musical taste and thank god I ploughed a lonely farrow for such phenomenal returns.

            IMT friends continue to give satisfaction. I spoke to Lakhina last week and he said, “Sathya, you can call me anytime you want.” Lalit engaged a session with a life coach in Velachery as he said, “Sathya, please don’t thank me. There are so many people in our batch who care for you.” Neetu has been threatening to call for a while; she again vibrates friendship and care. Deepak writes with a lot of concern and compassion. Seriously, I thank every person who harbours a kind thought of me.

            As the house sale process will conclude in a week’s time, I thought of a visit to Madurai, Coutrallam and Rameswaram for a weekend sojourn in December. I found a flight ticket to Madurai for Rs. 1500 and did not waste a second booking it. So something to look forward besides joining a Guitar course. On my own steam, I tutored myself to Mel Bay’s level two and now I do need guidance. At two days a week, this should bring in positive vibes. I changed my guitar strings last month and I spend an hour on the instrument as my fingers leapfrog over the frets. Again simple pleasures but you work hard to earn them.

            November has been kind and hopefully I build on it. Now I no longer have the drive to hunt for soft skills assignments or an exploratory trip to UAE, I will check out this LASSI SHOP franchise. It looks a good thing but let me take my time and explore.  Even on investing the sale proceeds, I am becoming smarter as I plan my portfolio. It’s lonely out there but let me bat for myself with more conviction as the winter months do take their toll.  One thought the movie stuck me with: one may be exceptionally talented or even a genius, you don't demand anything of life. Life in its wisdom confers its blessings and grace even as I wait for my turn with patience and faith. It's hard nonetheless is there anything better? I ask in false modesty and theatrics, some Freddy influence.

Art of falling in love

When and how does it hit you that you are in love? Is there a “thunderbolt” feeling when you meet your soul mate? First of all, does nature pair a male and female and conspires to have them meet? Is “soulmate” a marketing jargon full of hot air or is there something to it?

            I don’t wish to confer myself an authority on this subject but then I am a well-read person with a thinking mind. My mind was drawn to this domain unwittingly, the premises came raining down and so I am sharing this.  

We had a talk by Dr. P S Kumar at FOSWL meeting last month where he was talking on the power of thoughts and argued that if you harbour strong thoughts consistently then it comes to fruition. Said he, “When I was in college, I had a strong desire to work for L&T. But somehow I joined a local firm and I happened to meet a L&T top honcho in one of my flights. We were seated next to each other and by the end of the flight he offered me a job.” Dr. Kumar said, “That’s the power of my thoughts attracting that person and also this experience.” Another instance was I fervently wished a book on VALPARAI. You won’t believe that someone sent me an advanced copy of the manuscript even before it went into print.  Your thoughts attract similar thoughts in others and they always come to fruition.

            I came home and immediately made a list of my life-goals: a job in UAE, woman for whom my heart would beat for would really set me up for writing glory. So I made a PPT with pictures thinking that if I go to bed with these pictures on a lazy browse of a smartphone, maybe these will come to fruition as well. No harm trying, kasa panama (Tamil idiom meaning it does not cost any penny).

            One thing led to another as I worked on this VISUALIZATION ppt; I find some faces of movie stars and singers attractive. I prefer a round face in a woman than a longitudinal one; as in Dia Mirza, Tamanah, Julie Delpy, Amy Adams, Andrea Corr, or even a Soundarya. The ideas developed off its own steam; that’s the gift of a thinking mind.

            This exercise showed that I was drawn to ARTHA and KAMA just as any human would. My wish list included trekking, swimming, coming home to an embrace of a woman my heart went crazy for, a stupid Toyota car, a duplex apartment in Besant Nagar and you can fill up along those lines. And then it hit me!

            Premise one: “you don’t love a woman for her virtues or brains or dress sense, but you love her as long as she is interested in me.” I learnt this lesson very well from my sindhi imbroglio. Then this premise two came in from the visualization exercise: Never choose a woman to love on the basis of Artha and Kama – meaning never estimate the worth of a woman in terms of money, education, or any economic class or if she is tall or short or chikna or gora or the colour of her nail polish or lip stick. Why? Even the most attractive woman today will age to flabbiness and hanging skins. Proof: look at the recent photographs of a Sadhana or Saira Bhanu and you can see the mischiefs and ravages of time. Even a Rekha or Hema Malini or Madhuri Dixit in 2018 is not a show stopper sight. These women had their days and now no one would spend a dime to look in their direction. This leads to an interesting premise: you love and marry for DHARMA and MOKSHA and not Artha and Kama. Dharma means a woman with values which that Sindhi had not a miniscule, Moksha is an attitude of a person who believes in continuous self-improvement. There are very few people who invest in themselves; and take concrete steps to grow in wisdom.

            The folklore of Savitri gives the hint. She was given a carte blanche by her father, “Daughter, you can marry anyone you wish.” She went on a world tour for a year and settled for a penurious Satyavan who had less than a year of life. Savitri was supersmart in her attitude: it is better to live a year with a virtuous man than live a century with a mediocre or a monster. A year is thousands and millions of moments and in the right hands it can be heaven. Sita displays this utter scorn for money and power as she accompanies Rama to the forest. She says, “The travails of Dandaka forest is nothing compared to the pleasure of your company.” She rejects with contempt the temptations of Ravana that no amount of gold and money would equal Rama’s companionship. Both Savitri and Sita were unconsciously voting for DHARMA and MOKSHA. In other words VALUES and an ATTITUDE for SELF-IMPROVEMENT

            After this insight I am no longer drawn to a Tamanah Bhatia who frankly is a piece of meat I would have hammered in a bed of my imagination. It pays a million times to be alone than be tied in knots to a dross like pUsHpA or any woman who spends all her time in beauty salons and fab india apparels. The beauty of a woman lies in her ability to bind and capacity for self-sacrifice where she always places the interests of her husband and kids before herself all the time. Not a prima donna who is obsessed with French Perfumes or spends all her time on the latest winter collection or hair do’s or manicure and pedicure business.

            ARTHA (which is money and what money can buy) and KAMA (shape of tits and dresses) are programmed to wither and decay but DHARMA and MOKSHA are seeds that grow into banyan trees in time. What’s more they never die.  So don't believe in all this nonsense of "love at first sight" or a "thunderbolt" or "soulmates" for TRUST, FAITH are germinated and cultivated in the seeds of VALUES and brutal HONESTY.  And these take TIME and it's always a WORK-IN-PROGRESS but at least get the direction right. 

Mindfulness works

There is something about life which makes it mysterious. Even the best brains, me included, can’t determine the speed and direction of flow of life. My life is a miracle of humongous proportion: Bipolar at 21, heart surgery at 29, TS and Swami Paramarthananda at 29, first writing job at 37, first girlfriend at 38, first dump at 40, Theni where I almost died of a paid suicide at 47 and now couple of years later, I have never been better; in the best of health and spirits as they say.

            For me MINDFULNESS was the cornerstone. Whatever I learnt before integrated into some solid healing and oasis of peace. This year I was listening to Shauna Shapiro’s “What you practice becomes stronger” and Kristin Neff’s Self-compassion which is a masterpiece.

            Dr. Kristin talks about the comparative merits of Self-esteem and how self-compassion is more comprehensive and an effective tool. She really is a wonder woman having to deal with a messy divorce and an autistic child; she speaks with a lot of poise and leaves me feeling soothing and better of myself. Her three components of self-compassion: Self-kindness, shared humanity and Mindfulness is a masterpiece for a working definition and practice. Also how a reptilian brain in us produces Adrenalin for “fear and flight” response and our mammalian response of intimacy and self-assurance can iron the mental voltages spikes. I heard her Ted talk and god, that set me thinking for the next two days.

            For me MINDFULNESS is not just a buzzword or an impressionable pinup slogan to impress the world. It saved my life and so I practice it almost half my waking hours.  It works and my life is infinitely richer. I was travelling to Thrissur by Alapuzha Express that leaves Chennai Central at 9:05 pm and I found myself sandwiched between two coupes of a boisterous marriage party. There were more than dozen – kids in the age-group of 6 to 14 running around – and making a nuisance to everyone around. The clock hit 11:00 and I just could not slip into sleep try however much. I curbed my tongue and then told the head of the family, “This is an overnight train journey and please we also deserve a bit of sleep and less of noise. Kindly don’t outrage us with his non-stop vociferous merry making.” The noise continued as I practiced MINDFULNESS telling myself: They are out to enjoy themselves, possibly relations meeting in ages and over-excited children who were similar to me when I was young. I am SORRY for myself for destiny placing me in the worst seat in the train but what the hell, this is how I must have sounded to others with my big bass mouth. So take it as a lesson. Bite your tongue.” Once I accepted the noise and commotion, I fell asleep. Nature always works if you keep the troublesome mind out of the way.

            For me, I am amazed by the flow of life in my time. Lousy parents made me grow to this level of maturity, I sincerely thank the Sindhi woman for deserting me. Otherwise I would have missed this wonderful nectar. Today I dare say that there are not very many in India with my intuitive knowledge of working of the mind processes. It’s not a brag, once I knew how to heal myself and now I can heal just about any other mind if it seeks my support.

            Kerala was soothing for the nerves and pleasing to the eyes. It is a state overflowing with green vegetation for the eyes. The people are graceful, there are no shouting mobs in India’s most literate state. Guruvayur temple attracts thousands of devotees and most of them feed solids to the babies the first time here. So I got to see hundreds of young families with the fathers carrying their 8 months in the nook of their arms. The Kerala women is a postcard of beauty in white saris that come with gold embroider. Again no shouting or squealing or whining or dominating women, they behave with a lot of poise in a public place. Two days in Kerala and I even thought I would be fortunate to romance a Mallu woman and even settle down here if that OVER-SMART destiny were to line me up for the slaughter. 

           

             I say this for the millionth time: Nature or destiny or God or any super computer that programmes all our lives is 100% accurate. You get your medicine of experience when you are ready, you only learn when you are open and able to see a pattern amidst the humdrum and noise of life. Take me for example, 3 years back I would have died selling this Besant nagar home and now I am so light-hearted and happy and even feeling that it is a good riddance. I am blessed with a lot of friends but I still believe that I must strive to be my own best friend a million times in the day. Thank you Kristin Neff for your work on self-compassion, someday I would like to have a dinner with her and Eckhart Tolle and Shauna. Having these three on a dinner table would be nice. The message of this post is simple: make peace with your mind moment to moment and the harvest is always rich.    

Cold November Rain

After last week’s soft skills experience at St. Josephs it is back to the familiar NOTHING. I dare say there is no human being with such an empty plate as me; the flow of life just doesn’t drag me even an inch. I may as well be living in Rama’s era in treta yuga or Krishna’s dwapara or now in Modi’s kali yuga.

            The sole cheer and activity of the day is SPAARC’s rehabilitation exercises. I love this hour of the day. I go there by 10:30 am and work my muscles now that the therapy part is over. I can perceive almost a daily improvement and it won’t be long before I will be jogging. This is a miracle of a great kind.

            I had almost forgotten how to walk before Suganya taught me: bend your knee, land on the heels for a stride and then bend the other knee for the next one. I watched others at the temple looking at the heels and it was basically what she was saying. Such a simple thing like WALKING and my brain has to re-learn at 49 after almost two years of near limping.  Going to  these rehab exercises also got me motivated for BUILDING my body. I am going to invest in building muscles and do those push-ups for a chest that protrudes out. Certainly, it does your confidence a world of good if you’re physically as strong as an ox. It is no wonder they don’t get into street fights and when a bull is provoked it is a bull in a china stop and no one in their senses would show a red rag to it. So it’s a nice goal: Get stronger, develop muscles on biceps and triceps and have a barrel for a chest. But once jogging is resumed then I would feel so much alive.

            The North-East hit the city this week for rains at all times of the day. The NE is fast and furious, there are little of the drizzle kinds and the skies get overcast and gloomy. It is one season I personally hate for it accentuates my loneliness.  I spend the afternoon days on a Kumbakarna sleep and a lot of guitar. My fingers blithely jump over the frets and this is something I am beginning to feel proud of.  I also spent my time reading DAMIEN BOSSES blogs and God, I realized that I am a genius writer. Or was a genius writer in once upon a time kinds. 

            The process of house sale goes on with the UDS certificate coming from the housing board. Now it is should take less than a week to ten days for the final transfer. On my monies, I am going to have a rock star attitude. I will not be a cautious investor and I will play the game more detached and almost to a gambler’s appetite. I know for certain that my monies will outlive me and I will not drown in financial poverty, but emotional poverty very much YES.
            I had a lunch at New Woodlands with Dhamma Mani Sir on my request on Monday. I fancy this restaurant for I believe that Kannadigas are the best cooks for South Indian and a full course meal is divine here. Dhamma Mani Sir is a raconteur; I have not seen very many narrate a tale with such flair. The way he talks of his grandson in Coonoor ordering meals, to his wife's contracting a painter, and his latest temple tour in Tirunelveli is a feast for the ears. I am a decent storyteller myself but Mani Sir is the gifted one.   

            On Sunday walks in the TS, Geetha said, “Sathya, you are a big talker and kindly give others a chance at the restaurant.” I was so incensed that I came home and whatsapped after a long thought, “I am sorry for disrupting your Sundays and you are a wrong number for a connection.” I still cannot hold my fire and I don’t want to. It is not in my genes to take things lying down. I would rather rot in hell than be scorned in heaven for a personality kink I don’t wish to iron out.

            I store not a decimal of faith for Gods and rituals now. FAMILY and FAITH go together. My life in contrast has been a definition of loneliness. I live such an aimless existence that nothing ever happens in life. Even the crows outside my window and the ants crawling on the computer desk have more interesting lives. It is DIWALI time and it scares the hell out of me. Last year I went to Pondicherry and Chidambaram to escape the cracker noise; this time I may go to a Guruvayoor. Being alone on Diwali feels worse than a criminal on death row and being dragged to the noose.

            As the clock turns November the mind goes more introspective for 2018 is on its last legs. My goals in life are still: a stint in the GULF or maybe I would prefer some SOFT SKILLS here. My life will still go nowhere if I don’t find a woman or a hobby to drown in. On Swimming Dr. Rajaram said, “Don’t hit the pool now for there is a definite viral in the air. Maybe any time after February should do for a new initiate.” He has a thinking mind and so I will pay heed. These are still lonely days and if I had a gun, I would shoot God first and then me. Desperately looking for some fuckin thing to happen in my life even if it is a fracture of my hands (the arms string look sexy enough) or maybe commit a murder and spend some time in the jails. That way, I may even have company. But as a Guns song goes: It is cold November rain now. Show me a more patient man than me in creation and I will show you a liar.