Daily Mindfulness practice

#174

There are very few lives on earth that’s more recluse, the only visitor is a COOK for 30 min, rest of 23.5 hours I am on my own. Not for weeks and months but years.  I must be getting something right.

            Staying alone is an attitude of non-dependence on others, here are a few MINDFULNESS practices that I recommend for myself.

a)     Acceptance: When I wake to a new day, I mostly feel empty and hollow. The first thing for an activity is “watch my breath for 10 min”. I tell myself, “learn from the wisdom of the next breath. It is new and life-giving. I trust it to come, today is going to be a great day.” Then I chant 10 Gayatris before brushing the teeth. ACCEPTANCE is a difficult quality to practice, it needs brutal honesty. I suffer no emotional overload that my parents were the worst in civilization. There is no rancor here; the forgiveness is complete. When it comes to my siblings, my view these days is “maybe it’s a karmic debt I am serving from the past.” I tell myself, “There is no romance to my life, I need to be physically healthy and as long as I have monies in the savings account, I will be fine. There are things I wish were different – the “loan against property” has been going on for months. I frankly see these 5 months of inactivity as a blessing – haven’t I not gained in courage from reading Alexander, haven’t my writing improved a wee bit from words study, and boy am I am not glad of the Gita talks on Anchor. (Of course, I know my life is as dry as a summer leaf but I have come a long way. I remember my first clinical depression in IMT in 1990 in the winter months – those days I would run a lot for a therapy. Now 30 years later, I am much wiser and emotionally stable. There is a lot of self-congratulatory endorphins here).

b)     Trust: This is a beautiful therapy each time the mind slips in self-pity. I tell myself: I trust my body for its intelligence, my kidney and heart have been ticking without moans, my eyes and ears have not let me down. I trust the next breath to come. If the body and mind is so intelligent, why then should I doubt my ability to manage the affairs of the day. 

c)      Non-judgement: I am often a victim of attributing evil motives to my siblings but then they have a point of view that’s as valid as the noon sun. This family did not give them much by way of bonding and pray why should they “debt service duty” to a brother? They found happiness outside, their present is more rewarding, and the past better cast away. Why raise this issue at all in the mind?

d)     Gratitude and Generosity: Before wrapping myself in the blankets, I throw my mind to the day – any phone calls? Any chance conversations in the shops or neighbours? Any reading or insights gained? I say a “thanks”. I love my beautiful apartment that comes with a beach for a terrace, I reserve a “thanks to my dad for it is his earnings that still sees me through with a sea-side apartment.” I also like to save a few “love” vibrations; I store positive affirmations when I am sitting on the computer table or resting my feet on the sofa or while the milk is getting warmed in the kitchen or when in the toilets. There are a million things to be grateful for: while eating, listening to music, playing the guitar, sitting down for meditations, daily 45 min on the terrace for a seaside breeze or even reading my own blog posts. 

There are moments in the day when I feel a passing cloud of stress. It's okay, life is never a straight road to heaven for it goes through serpentine routes. Mindfulness has given my mind this layer of emotional security: whatever be the confusion and chaos outside, my job is to be curious and compassionate to the flow of life on which I have little control. My test is keeping my composure, mine is the patience of a farmer awaiting monsoons. One of the best realizations came by recently: we fantasize life as some kind of an orgy where we are drinking and singing and enjoy corny jokes for a banter in a football stadium. Life is tough for everyone; it is this fantasy that makes us miserable to the mundane-ness of life. Keeping your sanity is a full time job for people whose childhood was a charred mind of insults and curses. 
              One of the best attitudes of life is “let the worst impinge on me, I have the resources within myself to see it through.” This trusting oneself is a daily activity, the best medicine for self-doubt and self-pity. Save a bit of love and affection for yourself. There is no rhythm or reason for our existence, much less to the confusions and worries of the mind; but we are here to learn peace and harmony. It is an adventure going nowhere. There is wisdom and ignorance on the outside, draw as much water from these wells. Keep plodding. Moment to moment, thought by thought and in each action feel this throes of life in your veins. Life is forgiving, you may fall by the wayside as many times in the day but you have the option to pick yourself up. That's the beauty of life.