I am loving this phase of life. I have been listening to at least 3 hours of “Psychotherapy & Spirituality” talks that “Sounds True" organized from 31st October. Each day 3 speakers are featured and the recording is available for 24 hours and so I put everything aside and solely concentrate on these.
I find these talks fulfilling my heart’s desire. I have been searching to address my own childhood trauma and these talks have not just given me optimism but a conviction that I am already healed. The premise of these talks is the wisdom gained from combining Eastern philosophy and Western rigour in Psychotherapy.
The speakers are mostly PhD's from an Ivy League College or practicing at the most renowned medical centers or best selling authors – it is a whos whos of the best therapists in America. I got acquainted with jargons like Depth psychology, spiritual by-passing, ayahuasca ceremony, enneagram for personality types, healing of parts, and more.
Eastern traditions like Buddhism and Yoga have a great tradition of training the mind and this when combined with over hundred years of psychotherapy of the West yield amazing results. Say Buddhism addresses issues of sorrow that stem from sickness, old age, death and emotional states for anger, lust, animosity etc but they are not equipped to address modern age trauma issues of childhood abuse (am I not prime example of this!!), low esteem, sexual abuse, drug overdose and things like that. The West has a tradition of healing the mind through visiting childhood memories and an expertise to release the fears and other toxic emotions of the mind that was abused in one’s infant years. I had a great time listening to masters like Stan Grof, Dorothy Hunt, Jack Kornfield, Richard Schwartz, James Hollis, Thomas Moore, A H Almaas, Gabor Mate etc.
Listening to 30 of the best therapists in America is something you can reschedule your regular activity. So from 31st October to 9th November I was hooked on these talks. I made notes and these will be posted on OBSERVESATHYA in November.
I learnt a lot of things, most of these ideas were just the food the mind was actively seeking. Like “controlling the self-critic” in you to “ leading an agenda-less life” and healing the traumas gently and smoothly by observing them rather than fighting or suppressing those.
One lesson I learnt in the last 6 months is that any resistance multiplies suffering, observing in a loving presence is transformative. Hearing these people I couldn’t help a gushing gratitude: had I met a therapist of this quality, my 2015-2016 years would have been salvaged. I languished in self-pity and depression for nearly 30 months and very close to the edge. Had I come across such therapists, I would have taken less than 4 sessions for a complete healing and less than a fortnight’s time. That’s the quality and class we are talking about, and so it was no surprise that I relegated everything else to the backyard and just focused my attentions here.
Reading the transcripts would not have made a dent to the mind but watching them speak in real time felt real and very reassuring. I have no words to express my Sukran Jazillan - thanks a million times - to "Sounds True."
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Latha’s son’s engagement came and went. I did not put in an appearance. I did feel sad that as siblings we never learnt to fix this relation. Both V and L were CALLOUS to a staggering degree and an idiom for APATHY when my boat of life was burning. They just watched from the side-lines, they never lifted a finger to help me. Both symbolize the total breakdown of the family structure – such a toxic level of SELF-CENTREDEDNESS bodes no one any good.
Their crimes are many, chiefly they never bothered to include me in any festivities since dad’s death 28 years ago. Not even a phone call of greeting on Diwali or birthdays or Pongals or Ganesh Chaturthi. The second reason was “we have gone so distant that I felt that they would not even come to the hospital even when I would be fighting for my next breath in a ICU”. They have a mindset only for rituals and make a show of affection in a relatives gathering.
One feels sad that such specimens are your sisters. We all were victims of a diseased mother but these people have gone on to build happy families for themselves but they never spared a thought for me. They job description never included a brother grappling with bipolar and its attendant loss of career, poor health (even my heart surgery in 1998 merited no great show of concern) before Theni in 2016 and Prakash’s death this year showed that the clock had passed for any reconciliation. My heart had hardened and I wasn’t going to be anyone’s fool any longer.
You don’t shut your door for 3 decades, wake up one fine morning to say “My son is getting married and you are invited.” Actually Latha was very upset with my portrait of her in THINKSATHYA, Viji is breathing fire and brimstone over my description of her. As for me, I really don’t care for these opinions are not new. I always aired them in person for decades and my final revenge was these written posts for a closing finality and that kind of penetrated those thick skulls. There is a lesson here: when you have a speck of virtue in you and someone rails against you; you listen and may even course correct. But most of humanity are assholes. They read any criticism as a threat for a rush of adrenaline and close the circuit. Suits me fine, even better.
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The communication WORKSHOP started on 5th November with Prithvi’s son Rishi and Karl Marx (who came through Ramprasad, another friend and well-wisher). I have taken two sessions so far and I am loving the experience. I am doing well because on both occasions I was dropped to my residence.
I break-even with 3 and I am still hopeful that I might reach that number. TRAINING is a new door of opportunity of my career and anything is better than being a CONTENT WRITER. If I get this right, I might even get an opportunity to go back to UAE as a trainer than a writer and it’s such a liberating thought.
The course content is entirely mine and I dig deep to source content – mostly from my life experience – that best serves the class. I will get better as a teacher with each class; Prithvi attended the first and he was gushing in appreciation and for the second class Iyer mama observed me. He gave me a huge thumbs up. So this feels a right course for me, I am hoping and praying destiny co-operates. Ideally I would like to organize 10 such workshops a year, this activity wins a lot of friends and mentally less taxing and no sadistic bosses to tow.
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It is the time for North- East and Chennai is fast drowning in the deluge. But Besant Nagar is the best place to be. This is level ground and no water logging. We may drown from rising water of the Bay of Bengal rather than a 200 mm rain in 24 hours.
I have been regular to the Beach whenever there is a respite from the showers. I am making new friends at Eliots. I keep rankling Raman, a IIT professor, saying, “ Buddha is advanced version of Adi Sankara.” I also find a 90 year old Raghuraman absolutely inspiring for Saranagathi. Surrender to the Lord comes easy to Vishnavite genes. He said today, “Sathya, there was a time when I knew owners of Hindu and Indian Express intimately. I would love to have seen you as a columnist. But now no one will listen or even know me.”
I have not asked any favours from anyone and when he learnt that I was a writer from a common friend, he expressed such a heart-warming sentiment. I feel truly blessed. Life denied me blood relations but has enriched me with such well-wishers. Then there is Sathyan who loaned me a mobile phone handset for recording. In all, I feel an enveloping sense of bonding and protection. These are definitely good days. May I build on them with a bit of a helping hand from destiny.
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