Kaushik Enigma

I simply adored this nephew of mine till 2012 and then we drifted apart. There is a some tale in here and let me do a fast catch up for any readers to plough.

            Kaushik was born a year after my father’s death in 1990. Right from his childhood days this lad was extra cool. He made no demands on toys, he allowed his parents to choose shirts and shoes for him saying, “Both the options are good, I will take what you like.” In short he was much adored kid growing in Bangalore AWHO colony in Kammanahalli in the early nineties.

            This boy always had this star quality. For me it was lesson to see someone best loved in any company and without effort or attempt at humour or wisecracks. He was silent, a few comments here and there, not especially witty or brainy but you could sense the innate peace of his mind. Kaushik has a mind that can stop a rampaging bull on its tracks.

            Then 2012 happened that left a crack in the relation. I had painted the house and invited Kaushik for an appreciation. He came, saw and left. I mentioned this to Viji, his mother and this fellow was outraged. Some silly thing like: why tell my mother about this visit? This fellow, 21 years my junior, sent a sms that read: U Idiot. My response was instantaneous: Bastard, go hang yourself and I will buy you a rope for free.  Since then I have not entirely wiped the slate clean, he never bothered to apologize for the sin. If he can get so aggressive over a trivial non-issue then there is no trusting a repeat of the same and I kept a arm’s length distance.  In 2015 he went to Colorado. I made no attempt to speak to him over Skype nor bothered with any emails.

            He visited Besant nagar on 10^th January and I ensured there was no bad blood of the past to sully the occasion. My sister Viji and mother accompanied him and they loved the renovation – new flooring, new fridge, plants.

            Kaushik has been in USA for over 30 months and he is still the same: I find him a bit over idealistic. But the good thing is he has that feel for people. They came from a seaside temple and brought a lot of beach sand to the house. Kaushik goes to the kitchen to mop the sand! I advised him: either get married or experience life. Get into outdoor sports and do something you enjoy in life. America gives you freedom to be what you are, don’t squander it. Thanks to K’s visit at least I am on talking terms with my sister.

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Thanks to MINDFULNESS that my last eight months has flowed with ease. I used this time to make a mental inventory and remove most of the junk, useless thoughts in the head. My mother said, “ Viji was saying that you have written a blog on all of us and not so kind. This is a public humiliation we can do without.” I came home and removed the portraits blogs of Viji, Latha and Amma the same day.

            Pilar Jennnings who spoke on “effect of primary caretakers on a child’s psyche” in the Psychotherapy Summit and she responded to my Facebook message of thanks. I heard Vidyamala Burch’s talk on managing chronic pain and she indeed is a warrior of courage. She talks about secondary suffering and how we create our own suffering through DENIAL, BARGAINING before ACCEPTING and then FLOURISH. Now I can claim myself as a cognitive neuro scientist given that I have heard hundreds of talks on the workings of the mind. 

            I told Kaushik, “Junk all this Bhagavad Gita classes. You reside in Colorado and so get in touch with Sounds True people in Boulder. Only Buddha has the answers to a mind in 2018s.”

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January was also the month of movies. I saw “Aruvi” at Thyagaraja and it was okay, say just pass. Story of a woman diagnosed HIV and scorned by her family who attribute it to her fast lifestyle, she takes revenge on the society with a long lecture on “modern day folly of emphasizes on monies and lifestyle.”  Then I saw “My Fair Lady” at the American Center and loved this 1964 production. Both Rex Harrison and Audrey Hepburn can get a passage to heaven based solely on this performance. When I told Ranga, he said, “Actually this is a Broadway show in the last 1950s with Julie Andrews playing Eliza. Julie went on to make Mary Poppins and Sound of music and I still feel she had a natural right to star in this movie.” I told him, “I love these musicals high. I enjoyed Sound of Music, now this “My Fair lady” and I also rate “La la land” very high.”  There are so many movies you just love for OST like “Out of Africa” and “The Last Emperor” and even “Beverly Hills.” Finally I saw “The Post” at Satyam and it was the best of the three. This movie yet again showed why Steven Speilberg, Tom Hanks, and Meryl Streep are Hollywood Mughals – sheer talent and they are very good in their crafts.

            On TV I loved “Big Fat Liar”, “Windtalkers” and “Night at Rondanthe”. I asked Ranga, “Why is it that only Hollywood has exclusive preserve to creativity? You can't imagine an Indian making a movie like “Home Alone” or “Big Fat Liars” in a million years.” The great man said, “Their movies reflect their society, there is more courage and openness in those societies. Here our movies reflect gossip, manipulation, intrigue which is part of our DNA. So this is comparing apples and oranges.”

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I attended a FOSWL meeting in which Uma Seshadri was the guest speaker. She spoke on “Hasta mudras” and how these can be used for healing. I loved the talk so much that I ordered the book of Suman Chiplunkar on which this talk was based. Uma ma’am as a speaker spoke so slow that I thought: This is how I must conduct myself in my soft skills workshops.   Speaking of which, I delivered a two hours training programme at Ethiraj College for Women on 11^th January. I had 40 MBA first year students and it was quite an experience for me on public speaking. I fared well as a trainer for a self-appraisal, there were a lot of smiling faces at the end of the show. I pray I have more of these and make money once in a while. 

           On earning front January provided little comfort though I finalized a monthly retainer with Spot Media. Ramesh made a website for me! It is www.englang.in and I am so grateful to such friends. He also printed my visiting cards.  Everything on a volunteer basis and no cost to me. Thanks to Mindfulness, I have so many reliable friends and I value Vivek’s sagacity a lot and he is having the time of his life "wildlife-ing" in Corbett. January was good though it felt I need to earn more just to survive. 

Good start to the year

My maternal cousin Usha was a world-class Bharatanatyam dancer. I never got to know her from brother-sister estrangement of the parent generation. She died in 2006 and I spoke to her husband introducing myself upon seeing the obituary notice in the pages of “Hindu”. Mr. Srinivasan is a friendly person and we connected in our first meet way back in 2007. Since then I call him every three months or so just to say “Hello” and chat what comes to the mind and the issues of the day.

            He is quite a big fish in town; he runs a SME and something like past President of Ambattur Industrial Estate kinds. His house in Karpagam Gardens defines luxury that film actors would dream of.

            Usha’s brother Dr. Kumar - which makes him my maternal cousin - died in the first week of December and Srinivasan called to inform me of the demise. As 2017 was drawing to a close, he invited me to New Woodlands for a meal and fill me on the cremation news at Mangalore. Dr. Kumar was a genius in the true sense of the word, unlikely there are ten such brains in the entire country.

            We met at Woodlands on 27^th December and the lunch was out of this world for a mouth- watering and finger licking experience. Srinivasan, who is springly at 75, observed, “This is the first time I am coming to Woodlands after Usha’s death and it was over 15 years ago.” I said, “Food never tasted better, this is verily the best place for FULL MEALS in Chennai. This only confirms what I always suspected; Kannadigas make for the best cooks in South India.”

            Srinivasan said, “Sathya, I am going to Malaysia for an annual alumni meet tomorrow. This is the 53^rd meeting of IIM Calcutta of my batch. I have a DONOR PASS for Music Academy Dance festival which you can use in my absence.”

            I went to his house the next day for the DONOR PASS and he also gave a breakfast coupon saying, “This is the meal coupon on 1^st January for a customary meeting of members with the President. If you go there, you will get a good breakfast at the Academy.”

            So I went on the New Year day, taking bus number 29 C to Music Academy. It was the best breakfast I had in my life: idly, vadai, set dosa, puri, pongal alongwith payasam and a sweet. We had three chutneys which has become the norm, parupudi and this is a royal feast which would have graced Ivanka Trump’s table had she come visiting Chennai and in the market for South Indian. I kept hogging, your taste buds knew that the meal was extra special and savour the occasion. The filter coffee at the end rounded an epicurean delight. I wouldn’t be forgetting my first meal of 2018 in a while. I saw the Music Academy President N Murali greeting members; I kept a safe distance. It would be daft to introduce myself for a hand shake; it would have meant nothing to him and to me. It is such moments you know you are a NOBODY in town. 

            I attended the first concert on 3^rd January where Lakshmi Viswanathan was honoured with this year’s title. Mark Morris made an informal speech at a very formal gathering which made for spontaneous laughs in the audience. He is one of the best known contemporary dancers in the world; there was Mikhail Baryshinkov one of the greatest ballet dancers of our times. Said Morris, “I keep coming to Madras around this time of the year.  It was my good fortune in life to hear MS Subbulakshmi twenty years back and something clicked in my head. Tamil Classical music is one of the best things to happen in my life.”

            The first dance performance with Shijith Nambiar and his wife Parvathy Menon and they rocked. I found it a bit tiresome as they went through what looked like classical dance routines. Parvathy looked sensuous, so did the male artist. One could sense the sexual tension in the air.

            Music Academy is for the unbelievably rich crowd. I saw so many pretty faces. Classical Dance is very much like Golf and Snooker; you need to be super rich to pursue those interests. I was seated next to a dancer from New York and my heart instantly melted. We conversed a bit and she sounded mighty intelligent. If I had a bit more money in the bank and if I was a bit younger and if I was a bit more enterprising, I would have asked that woman out for coffee. Instead I came home and relived the “what could have been’s” feverish infatuations. She had long tresses that felt hands friendly for a male (J) and beautiful hands.

            The second show of the day was Leela Samson’s troupe and God, this was Hollywood kind production. The theme was “rivers” and Leela and her young team were again sensuous. These dancers show a lot of emotions on the face; sparkling eyes and flashing smiles as the hands goes into different postures. Abhinaya is the technical term for facial expressions and Bharatanatyam is so full of it. The stage was awash with colour – one moment it turned all blue and another crimson and then yellow halogen colours. Music Academy is the best place in town for lights and sounds in Chennai. I had seen two more dance shows earlier at Ratnagirsiwarar temple this season and this thought kept impinging as I walked out to the auditorium as the clock was nearing 9:30 pm: Water and fire happen within space which is infinite and expanding. One light year is the distance light travels in a year and we have galaxies that are thousands of light years away. Water at its benevolent side is life giving for every human civilization happened near river banks and in floods, water drowns everything. The destructive power of FIRE is even more complete and scary; water at least snuffs your life in drowning but fire breaks everything into ashes and leaves not a trace of your existence. This is what Leela Samson's troop performed on the stage. 

            I had the donor pass for the next four days but destiny played foul. A transport strike ensured that buses were OFF the roads and that meant Music Academy was out of bounds. A simple bus ticket costs Rs. 9 while an auto ride one way would be over Rs. 200 and my position in life is not such as to spend it. But just one day of Music Academy left me with the image of a dancer seated next to me; she was a Tambrahm from New York and I thought: someone with a similar profile is just the doctor's prescription for getting my life back on track. Some harmless vivid imaginations before the pressures of COMMUNICATION WORKSHOPS take over. But yes, the first week of 2018 sat easy and light on the eyes and the shoulders. 

Sathya, Happy 2018

If GOD were to appear before ME and say: My dear son, what are your wishes for 2018? I will grant them if you are reasonable. Don’t be wild in your imagination, within reason I will grant them Godspeed.

            I will say: LORD, here it goes:

a)     Let me earn 10 lacs this 2018 which is fivefold increase from 2017.

b)     Give me a girlfriend my heart goes crazy for. It will be nice if the woman is an artist like a musician or classical dancer. If not art, at least a practicing doctor like a cardiologist or a heart surgeon, someone dealing with life and death.

c)      Let me visit Srisailam in Andhra Pradesh, Guruvayoor in Kerala and Sringeri in Karnataka in 2018.

Lord, if you fail to deliver on my earnings and thirtha sthals I will not take it amiss, but don't fail to grant me a woman who loves me madly and I am insane about. I have been alone my entire life and this is one equation I wish to set right. But no compromises, my heart should beat wildly at her sight. It should erupt in a well of joy. I pray I smile in my sleep, make imaginary talk in my dreams, and feel her to be a part of me. I like this definition: I love her so much that I don’t know where I end and where she begins. In short, I want my heart and mind to reach those regions as it beat for a Kirti and Jessica when I was mad and doused with love. Love that made Tulsidas climb a wall using a snake for a rope and Romeo wishing that he was a glove on which Juliet rested her chin. Grant me this and I will be your devotee for life. What do you say to that, my Lord??