Sunday, January 28, 2018

Kaushik Enigma

I simply adored this nephew of mine till 2012 and then we drifted apart. There is a some tale in here and let me do a fast catch up for any readers to plough.
            Kaushik was born a year after my father’s death in 1990. Right from his childhood days this lad was extra cool. He made no demands on toys, he allowed his parents to choose shirts and shoes for him saying, “Both the options are good, I will take what you like.” In short he was much adored kid growing in Bangalore AWHO colony in Kammanahalli in the early nineties.
            This boy always had this star quality. For me it was lesson to see someone best loved in any company and without effort or attempt at humour or wisecracks. He was silent, a few comments here and there, not especially witty or brainy but you could sense the innate peace of his mind. Kaushik has a mind that can stop a rampaging bull on its tracks.
            Then 2012 happened that left a crack in the relation. I had painted the house and invited Kaushik for an appreciation. He came, saw and left. I mentioned this to Viji, his mother and this fellow was outraged. Some silly thing like: why tell my mother about this visit? This fellow, 21 years my junior, sent a sms that read: U Idiot. My response was instantaneous: Bastard, go hang yourself and I will buy you a rope for free.  Since then I have not entirely wiped the slate clean, he never bothered to apologize for the sin. If he can get so aggressive over a trivial non-issue then there is no trusting a repeat of the same and I kept a arm’s length distance.  In 2015 he went to Colorado. I made no attempt to speak to him over Skype nor bothered with any emails.
            He visited Besant nagar on 10th January and I ensured there was no bad blood of the past to sully the occasion. My sister Viji and mother accompanied him and they loved the renovation – new flooring, new fridge, plants.
            Kaushik has been in USA for over 30 months and he is still the same: I find him a bit over idealistic. But the good thing is he has that feel for people. They came from a seaside temple and brought a lot of beach sand to the house. Kaushik goes to the kitchen to mop the sand! I advised him: either get married or experience life. Get into outdoor sports and do something you enjoy in life. America gives you freedom to be what you are, don’t squander it. Thanks to K’s visit at least I am on talking terms with my sister.
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Thanks to MINDFULNESS that my last eight months has flowed with ease. I used this time to make a mental inventory and remove most of the junk, useless thoughts in the head. My mother said, “ Viji was saying that you have written a blog on all of us and not so kind. This is a public humiliation we can do without.” I came home and removed the portraits blogs of Viji, Latha and Amma the same day.
            Pilar Jennnings who spoke on “effect of primary caretakers on a child’s psyche” in the Psychotherapy Summit and she responded to my Facebook message of thanks. I heard Vidyamala Burch’s talk on managing chronic pain and she indeed is a warrior of courage. She talks about secondary suffering and how we create our own suffering through DENIAL, BARGAINING before ACCEPTING and then FLOURISH. Now I can claim myself as a cognitive neuro scientist given that I have heard hundreds of talks on the workings of the mind. 
            I told Kaushik, “Junk all this Bhagavad Gita classes. You reside in Colorado and so get in touch with Sounds True people in Boulder. Only Buddha has the answers to a mind in 2018s.”
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January was also the month of movies. I saw “Aruvi” at Thyagaraja and it was okay, say just pass. Story of a woman diagnosed HIV and scorned by her family who attribute it to her fast lifestyle, she takes revenge on the society with a long lecture on “modern day folly of emphasizes on monies and lifestyle.”  Then I saw “My Fair Lady” at the American Center and loved this 1964 production. Both Rex Harrison and Audrey Hepburn can get a passage to heaven based solely on this performance. When I told Ranga, he said, “Actually this is a Broadway show in the last 1950s with Julie Andrews playing Eliza. Julie went on to make Mary Poppins and Sound of music and I still feel she had a natural right to star in this movie.” I told him, “I love these musicals high. I enjoyed Sound of Music, now this “My Fair lady” and I also rate “La la land” very high.”  There are so many movies you just love for OST like “Out of Africa” and “The Last Emperor” and even “Beverly Hills.” Finally I saw “The Post” at Satyam and it was the best of the three. This movie yet again showed why Steven Speilberg, Tom Hanks, and Meryl Streep are Hollywood Mughals – sheer talent and they are very good in their crafts.
            On TV I loved “Big Fat Liar”, “Windtalkers” and “Night at Rondanthe”. I asked Ranga, “Why is it that only Hollywood has exclusive preserve to creativity? You can't imagine an Indian making a movie like “Home Alone” or “Big Fat Liars” in a million years.” The great man said, “Their movies reflect their society, there is more courage and openness in those societies. Here our movies reflect gossip, manipulation, intrigue which is part of our DNA. So this is comparing apples and oranges.”
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I attended a FOSWL meeting in which Uma Seshadri was the guest speaker. She spoke on “Hasta mudras” and how these can be used for healing. I loved the talk so much that I ordered the book of Suman Chiplunkar on which this talk was based. Uma ma’am as a speaker spoke so slow that I thought: This is how I must conduct myself in my soft skills workshops.   Speaking of which, I delivered a two hours training programme at Ethiraj College for Women on 11th January. I had 40 MBA first year students and it was quite an experience for me on public speaking. I fared well as a trainer for a self-appraisal, there were a lot of smiling faces at the end of the show. I pray I have more of these and make money once in a while. 
           On earning front January provided little comfort though I finalized a monthly retainer with Spot Media. Ramesh made a website for me! It is www.englang.in and I am so grateful to such friends. He also printed my visiting cards.  Everything on a volunteer basis and no cost to me. Thanks to Mindfulness, I have so many reliable friends and I value Vivek’s sagacity a lot and he is having the time of his life "wildlife-ing" in Corbett. January was good though it felt I need to earn more just to survive. 

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