Radical Listening

#137

We are all to be pitied for we live in a callous world where CARE is as extinct as dinosaurs. SELFISHNESS and SELF-CENTREDNESS is the age we live in, our parent’s and grandparent’s generation had it a lot better. They at least had siblings to visit and call on them, the earlier generation not only knew their cousins but they kept in regular touch. It was only yesterday I realized the power of RADICAL LISTENING from my interactions with FB friends.

            We mistake ourselves to be our monkey minds where the thoughts flow at astronomical speed, there is no constancy in a thought. The mind in its natural state produces a stream of opposite thoughts, we try to make sense now and then. Say I would like Amitabh Bachchan when I was a kid, today I can’t stand him for two minutes’ watch on television, same story with Gavasker who I idolized in my growing years to the extent that I would keep a score of his test match innings, updating as it went along. Now I wouldn’t care to shake his hands even if he was to visit me at my house. So the premise is “thoughts are valid at a point in time, I have every right to change them” at a mental level and consequentially at an action level. Maybe changing thoughts and actions is referred to as inner growth or else we’ll be no better than animals that come with a built-in constancy.

            In my initial years of BLOGGING I was hot-headed. I would jump on other’s views on politics, religion, language or even start a city war like Mumbai is better than a Chennai. Now older and a lot matured I am not so wedded and bonded to any view on any macro subject. Today if someone were to walk up to me and instigate saying “Buddha is a moron” it will not rile me. Or something equally asinine as “Jesus is the only savior of the world and other religions are dog shit.” These opinions reflect the character and personality of the speaker and not me a passing listener. Neither do I get worked up when some groups love for secularism makes them espouse the Congress family, they have a right to their opinions but I don’t have to subscribe to it. Neither is it fashionable for me to proclaim that Arnab Goswami is a maniac which he undoubtedly is, I don’t have to air such toxic views. There are better things in the world of sights and sounds to converse, like how much I enjoy a walk in the Theosophical Society lawns or how invigorating a boat ride on the Ganges was in Rishikesh or how much I loved Igatpuri. Besides I don’t have to have a subject to harass people with my views and opinions or keep a list of party jokes instead I try to practice present moment awareness.  Increasingly I see that many people - including me - don't know how to use their talking mouth. But each time I goof up, I am aware and come hard on myself.

            I think the greatest gift you can confer the other person in your company is to ACCEPT his/her thoughts without editing or culturing it. They can harbor any thought or feel any emotion, if it gets too heavy you have a right to run for cover but you don’t have a right imposing a contra-view and heckle them by starting a self-imposed education process for them. Radical compassion is listening without interruption; it's saintly patience not to supply a point of view or joggle your memory for a building pressure in the mind for a response. You can listen to them politely and carry on with your life without enforcing your petty views on them. Sure you have as much a right to hold any view on any macro subject but it's churlish to express them at every single opportunity. Just allowing others this little space to be themselves is an act of great kindness and compassion.

            We as Indians suffer from this complex of impressionism (often mistaking a loud talking mouth for intelligence) and conformism of a herd mentality society. But this lack of acknowledgement of others is no excuse for you to shout your way through, it’s boorishness to the extreme. There’s already a lot of noise in any gathering, keeping quiet should be your contribution and soon enough you’ll be respected for it. I have often been guilty of talking about my siblings or a failed romance, sure enough the world is not interested in them even for a gossip value. So any hunt for sympathies is not only a wasted effort but it reflects poorly on me for washing dirty linens in public. I must realize that a talking mouth is not the sole pathway to display my knowledge, wisdom, and how smart I am. It's silence that brings out these aspects to others and never a rattling mouth of a speedy train on rails. 

            My FB posts or blogs do generate a lot of compliments. Not a week goes by without someone praising me to the skies but I don’t feel anything. There is no high here for I know that mine is essentially a wastrel life. I am part of no one’s life and this loneliness hurts me psychologically. Only now I am realizing the power of acceptance, not the garish banter or humour. I try to bear in mind that it's in my best interests that the other person finds my company relaxing; it's a quiet demeanor that attracts flies to a honeycomb than the Rajdhani Superfast express octane blast of reason.  How nice it will serve me if anyone who interacts with me find it their best moment for the day.  Never open your mouth for a time filler, be it as a co-passenger in a flight or a train or when placed in a group of people. Speak as though you'll be charged on a word to word basis as in filling a telegram form. Kindness and Compassion are most bandied words; it starts with listening without interruption. This is a lesson I am yet to learn but increasingly sense its value. Now that I have put my mind on this, it should reflect in my writings and speech for more of restraint and a little of grace.