Gopalan, my third student

#145

In the second half of 2017 Ramesh, a good friend, said, “Sathya, forget content writing for it is not getting you any money. Why not try Soft skills training?” I allowed myself to be persuaded for I had nothing to lose and within 2-3 months I worked out a 12 hours content on “effective communication” without Google search. There are certain aspects of life nature has blessed me in bountiful measure; “content sourcing” is one of them. My content for “effective communication” would stalk against the best in the world for it was based on my life experience – no cop out options like Edward De Bono’s “lateral thinking” or “different colours of hats” or the much abused “Johari window” instead my content dwelt on “communication strategies at thought, feeling and emotion” for a wholly self-designed course. I am not given to beating my trumpet but when I do, nail it on the wall as a self-evident truth.

            Further encouraged by friends, I advertised this course in “Adyar Times” after engaging a conference hall in a business centre.  I signed two students both from well-meaning friends as Prithvi said, “Sathya, I want my son to be your first student” and Ramprasad said, “I will sponsor one of my employees.” Then I had Mr. Gopalan who signed as the third participant and this blog post is all about him!

            It was strange for a 48 years old to mentor a 70 years old who said this on the phone for a self-introduction, “My wife keeps finding fault with me, I want to attend your communication course to learn if I can manage better.” I had grave misgivings about having a student like this; it felt the person had more a need of a clinical psychologist than a soft skills trainer. But I said, “Please come along and I will see what I can do.”

            The moment I met, I realize that Mr. Gopalan was no diffident man needing a couch at a shrink but a man of the world – spry mind, self-deprecating humour, and full of banter.  He served in high echelons in the corporate sector and USA or Europe bound almost every year. After the first class I said, “I don’t know whether I have anything to teach you. I feel I have much to learn for our interactions.” He paid the money and that felt a grave miscarriage of justice as he observed, “What is 5 k for 12 sessions? I am a rich man and can easily afford it.”

In the first class I was telling about the “mistakes of a poor communicator” with movie scenes to highlight my point, after a while he said,” Sathya, it’s getting heavy for the day. Shall we continue this lesson in the next class?” Of course I readily assented for he was the sole student!

            Each time he comes visiting my place, Gopalan never comes with an empty hand. He always gets “Adyar Ananda Bhavan mixture and a packet of sweets.” He is full of tales and humour, “Sathya, I feel sad that you have no occupation. Take my advice, select five companies and send your resume to the CEO and I am sure they will revert.” I had grown far too cynical for such an enterprise though he insisted, “Sathya, when I was young I was saddled with a poor job. Each day I would apply to five companies until I joined Seshasayee Paper & Boards Limited where I worked as a PA to the chairman for 3 decades. I retired in the “General Manager” rank, those were wonderful years. Many a time, I would put in over 12 hours for years on the job, working for Mr. Vishwanathan was one of the best things of my career and life.”

            Gopalan would fill me with details of his family, “I allow my wife to dominate me. My daughter is in London and she brings a lot of happiness with a son-in-law a senior Director in Cognizant. On the other hand, my son is a recurring problem; twice divorced and now on the lookout for a third marriage.”  One could sense his smartness as he narrated this tale, “Once my son resigned his job in Texas and came home here in Besant Nagar say in 2010 times. He simply had no stomach for America. The entire family knew it was a grave mistake. We bribed an astrologer to counsel him that “India is no place for him and that his stars shine only in the West”. That stratagem worked as he returned to America within three weeks. Now he is happily settled and risen to a Director of a Fortune 500 MNC.”  

Those were the days - December, 2017 times - I was refurbishing M90/4 by laying floor tiles and when I told him I was looking for new furniture, he said, “I have a grand piece that I want to dispose. It’s taking too much space; it will be perfect for you. I got them at Modfurn for 30 k three years back. Have a look, if you like then I will more than happy to sell it to you.” I went to his house, saw the leather sofa and fell in love straightaway as we shook hands for a deal. The same afternoon it was delivered and it’s the best piece of my home now.  

And then we met yesterday as he landed at my house with a bottle of premium coffee (worth Rs. 475), a local brand of coffee decoction, and a I kg of sugar – it would have costed no less than Rs. 600. It felt too flattering and undeserving to accept the gifts, as I said, “I wish my sisters would have done something similar. Thanks a million,” as I rushed to give anything of a gift value in return. I found couple of apples and a bunch of bananas as return gift. He was excited about his new villa purchase in Kumbakonam as he explained: Each month I visit Kumbakonam for a break from Chennai. We have a small villa of 600 sq feet. He was so adamant that I take a look, “Sathya, please take a look at this property for it is ideal for you – there is a central mess for three squares, the property is a gated community facing the Cauvery river. There are historical temples alround and we allow only a Brahmin crowd.” Gopalan advertised this property in “Adyar Times” on behalf of the promoters and closed 2 sales deals, “Sathya, unwittingly I made 4 lacs in commissions after I sold two units. The promoter is so pleased with me that he has appointed me “Director of Marketing.” If this is not resourcefulness, then pray what is I wonder. He tells me, “Sathya, there are earning opportunities everywhere but somehow you don’t seem to find them. You are living in a world of Buddha and Mindfulness perhaps.” 

Yesterday I tell him, “I always have 13-15 lacs idling in my HDFC savings account. Only today I opened a Kotak Mahindra savings bank account for 6% interest rate.” Gopalan says, “I know the Bank Manager of Shastri Nagar Branch very well.” Without losing a moment, he speaks to the manager saying, “Sathya is my best friend and I am giving you a high network account. Please take care of him, assign him your best relationship manager.” It’s this kind of enterprise and friendliness that makes Gopalan such a welcoming person wherever he goes.

As for me, Gopalan Sir is the best return on human investment in years as I got a 60 k leather sofa for 10 k, I get Adyar Ananda Bhavan sweets and now coffee decoction. I was telling Ranga at the monthly whisky drink at Maris, “Gopalan taught me the importance of gifting and visiting friends. Rs. 500 is not much an expense for it brings a lot of happiness and bonding.” Ranga said, “Sure it is a good lesson for insular tambrahms.”  As for me each time I see Mr. Gopalan it is that beaming smile that comes to mind, he sure brings a truckload of positive energy along with the Adyar Ananda Bhavan savouries and sweets. 

The magic of “Sorry”

#144

“Sorry” is just a word but it defines you have character or not.  The test “whether a person is cultured or not” depends on whether he/she has these sentences in the vocabulary: I am sorry or I seek your pardon, I was wrong and please wipe the slate clean.

            An apology is an expression of regret. It satisfies four conditions: a) My actions or words have caused you material loss and/or mental sorrow b) I regret those words and actions of mine c) I spoke those words and did those actions with insufficient knowledge and d) I am ready to compensate materially or through a genuine intent of REGRET for the sorrow that I wrought.

            I don’t think a SORRY will compensate a robbery or a wife cheating on her husband or someone who pulled a dagger on your brother and now contrite they seek your forgiveness. Fortunately, our worlds of interactions do not bring us in contact with these rough thugs unless you are a resident of Tihar jail like P Chidambaram. We are more often placed in a group of selfish and self-centered people at home and in our offices or neighbourhood who can spoil your day through gossip and bad-mouthing, betraying your confidences (the worst is “you tell your sob stories to a friend” who leaks it by broadcasting to the entire world for a social embarrassment) or just not sensitive enough to your troubles (imagine an asinine neighbor taking cudgels on “keeping the staircase lights on” when your wife is in the hospital on critical care. Even if they are right on the score, it’s terrible timing).

            I never knew “the power of sorry” till this incident that occurred on the last day of my options class on 11/9.  But before I dwell on it, let me fill in with what happens when you deal with morons (those not wired to apologize).

            I hate to take this example but nothing illustrates an INSENSITIVE person walking over someone’s feelings more than this: pUsHpA was well within her rights to change a “love/romance” quotient to a “friend” status like an airline changing the status from “scheduled” to “cancelled”. Though there is a lot of inconvenience, that in itself does not outrage or make the blood boil as much as a callous attitude and utter disregard to other’s feelings. I am a normal chap of placid temperament with a large heart to forgive. pUsHpA could have met me in person to explain “Sathya, I am flying off the nest and let’s say our goodbyes now”. That would have been a saving grace rather than a sneaking thief exit. Or at least a mail expressing genuine contrition: “Sathya, I am really sorry. I was your first date and romance, but I have now found my exact green blouse matching elsewhere. I need to compensate you and tell me what I can do.” If pw had said something like this; she would have been spared from “blog posts that singe” or the name spelt in alternate caps & small letters. A genuine expression of regret and I would have more likely grown large-hearted enough to say, “Accepted and now get out of my sight. At least your name or cheap actions will not find mention in my blogs or story tales.”

            Same story with my siblings to my grouse, “For 30 years you have not bothered to include me in festivals or even an insincere show of concern when I was down with a heart surgery. Now there is nothing left.” With the Sindhi, her mistake was a character problem for no woman would trivialize romance and pick and choose a man as though she was in a blouse-matching shop for a new saree (I believe they have 50 to 100 shades of green or any colour for the blouse piece to exactly match the saree or come very close to it).  With my siblings it was a grave cultural wiring that after marriage they are DUTY-BOUND to look the other way to the plights of their brothers and sisters of the former homes they left behind. Again a simple sorry would have sufficed had any of my sisters had mouthed this: Sathi, I am sorry. The truth is we have grown so far apart that there is nothing in common for us to invite you. You don’t fit into the festival mode or given us any reason to attend when you are sick. I understand that caring for you falls within my perview but this is one responsibility I don’t have stomach for, so kindly let it pass.” Such a simple assertion would have closed the loop and spared all of us the ignominy of seeing their personality analyzed savagely on a public platform of a blog post.  Trust me, I hate to smear anyone and any character assassination post that I pen brings no glory to me at all.  These three women bring a bad name to the entire gender like a Kaikeye or Surpanaka; their apathy used to burn my heart into a cauldron (melting pot) of hate once upon a time before I learnt my FORGIVENESS lessons in Mindfulness and Vipassana.

            Now that we have seen how morons act, let’s see its contrast. I was fuming with spite and anger as the OPTIONS class drew to a close on 11/9. My purpose of this 5 days trip was to get initiated in this asset class of trading. But what really happened was “they overbooked the class” (the increased number has a direct impact on the learning effectiveness), there was a riotous fawning XLT crowd of Rahim bhakts, and finally he made things worse by “habitually late-coming” trampling our self-respects as it were. I was fuming but when Rahim said, “Sathya, I am sorry” that very moment “I wiped the slate clean.” Rahim is a lovable person with lot of anecdotes, he is a sweet talker, he is the most gifted Options trading man in the whole of South East Asia, he has a lot of virtues besides he is fabulously rich and famous (which makes forgiving very easy, I am as much smitten by externals as anyone else. So don’t take my pretensions to virtues seriously beyond a threshold 😃). I realized that an attitude to apologize is as much a social currency in the flow of life when one is living in a society. Just to say “I am sorry” or “I forgive you” is a sign of personal growth as any. As for me, it distinguishes donkeys from human beings.
Post Script: It never pays to enrage a world-class writer. All your sins could be washed on the shores of time but a written word stays forever. 

The best form of my life

#143

I feel a sense of mastery to a zone I have not been before. I am a lot certain of myself, from the manner I interact with others and more importantly in the way I have a dialogue within. There is less of confusion and doubt, more than that the FEAR and HATE have reduced to decimal levels which in the not so distant past was almost a personality trait.

            Where did I find new tail winds for this growth? Most probably my four trips to Mumbai for four straight months in a row.  I have never been in a classroom setting from 8:30 am to 4:00 pm and in this period I have had 16 days sitting on a student’s seat facing a teacher on a white board (these days they prefer sketch pens to chalk pieces on a black board). And definitely that one week at Igatpuri got in a lot of serenity to the mind. There is no gift better in the universe than a calm and equanimous mind. I feel grounded and serene. That I write a blog post to broadcast is a confirmation that these are regions of the mind I have rarely been before.

            For the first time, I realized the PAST has zero effect on me.  Each time the mind went to my siblings there would be regret in its train. Now nothing. I also found myself entirely healed of the Sindhi disaster; there’s not an atom of doubt that we were ill-matched from the word go.  I found a female attractive in Mumbai; when I found that she was a Punjabi, my mind had a smirk and drifted away. I realized later - when putting my thinking caps - that I am 100% class and any longing for a female is crass absurdity. The odds of me finding a partner is one-in-thousand and she should find me out, rather seek me out. Forget the need for a partner, I increasingly feel that if any person can WIPE the SLATE of the PAST CLEAN, the immediate benefit is a light heart.

            I hardly have any real human interactions in Chennai and so these 16 days of classroom experience in the midst of 25 students for EQUITY, 33 for FUTURES and 61 for OPTIONS got me the “threshold human interactions”. These afforded me an opportunity to figure out where I stand. In each of the class - be in equities or futures or options - others would more likely be describing it as Sathya’s batch. I made an impression without trying; that only brought home to me how MINDFULNESS has changed the inner circuitry of my mind.

            There’s three months to go this year – I should venture to FUTURES and OPTIONS trading from October (there’s a near month concept here). This gives me a fortnight to brush on my fundamentals. Then there is a “house search” for post November, my heart feels a SENIOR CITIZEN home ideal for it frees me from the kitchen chores. There’s a desire too - maybe I will find an earning opportunity in Mumbai and then I can crisscross between these two cities. It looks like Mumbai would be more welcoming to the skills and temperament I bring to the table, maybe destiny will roll it along. Whether it does or not, I feel a decisive mastery in my mind. Even others in the proximity seem to catch those vibes, I am getting a lot more smiles and banter without me straining my voice-box.  May I build something out of this phase of life.

Post Script: In 2019 I wrote 26 blogs in thinksathya and 42,300 word count for an average of 1650 words per post, 24 blogs in Dauntlesssathya and 26,900 word count (1125 per post). Writing has never been this free-flowing and full of insights as in 2019.  I am in the form of my life on the writing front alone and writing does reflect the state of mind than any conceivable thing I know.

Mumbai Snippets (Sept visit)

#142

Each moment we go through an experience either as a live conversation or through munching thoughts or strong feelings that the world of people and places impinge on us. Each moment either makes us ecstatic or depressed with ourselves or others. Each place brings the best or the worst of us. But one thing is true: we make sense of the world around with our eyes and ears and our minds. This Mumbai trip taught me so many things about me and the world.

             a) We had four Telugu students and three from Tamilnadu and these people kept to themselves to the extent of avoiding me. I was popular with the rest of the crowd minus this seven showing how far I have traversed from my moorings. The Mumbai and North Indian crowd respect talents and values which unfortunately my own people don’t store a value. It is a very small and narrow world you draw for yourself if you cannot see anything of value from the environment absorbed in your own narrow confines of your world.

              b)  I was bitching about Tamils when Mohan Gandhi said, “Sathya, you are in a new city but why needlessly rundown your own state or language without any needling. Look, nobody is talking ill of their city or culture as much as you do. Kindly desist from scoring self-goals and tarring your own image.” His appeal made instant sense; I apologized and from then on stopped exploring this theme.  
            c) One of the biggest motivators for trading is when you start seeing big returns. If I ever were to make 1 lac a month, will my interest and commitment not go up exponentially? The day I make 10 k, that day will be recorded. The month I gross 1 lac will be recorded in memory for an annual celebration. And why not, these are huge milestones. 

             d) Mumbai is a city of survival and courage from what I saw from the lives and conversations on the road – on trains and cabs. There’s an honesty to the city. They recognized values and skills in me which a Chennaiite would never cognize. On the second day, I had a glass of sugarcane juice. I proffered Rs. 100 for a Rs. 10 fare. He did not have the change and said, “Sir, pay me tomorrow.” Again something not likely in a Chennai situation.  I learnt a life lesson from my interactions with cab drivers: So many have things so bad and yet they carry on with life a lot better than me.

              e) Rahim the instructor did the “market timings” initiation in Park Sheraton in May and he used the same examples: how a WG Gaan's theory is followed all over the world yet he ended up bankrupt or how the demand & supply zones work irrespective of what news the market generates in a day. If you have attended couple of days of Rahim’s talk, he’s sure to repeat the same tales over and over. He is a man of limited tales and unlimited charisma blessed as he is with a glib tongue. He is so sure of himself as he challenges the class, “Have you seen anyone’s ledger?” To the perplexed look of the class he declares, “My return on investment just on XLT trades is 192% each year. It does not matter to me if the stock goes up or down or sideways for I am never caught on a hop." When one of the participants said that there is a person called Sundar in Chennai and he has seen his ledger, Rahim responded, “I have not heard the name; what does he do for a living?” The student responded, “He is a teacher.” Rahim did not get this, “teacher of what?” The class participant said, “He teaches Physics.” I was a bit distraught and instinctively said, “Rahim, he is a real teacher, “which had the entire class in splits. I have been at the receiving end of many of Rahim’s antics and finally happy for getting one of my own for a little payback.

            f)  I realized one thing in these 5 days that when I open my mouth, others listen. My mouth wins me respect most of the time. I have an open mind that does not respect any hierarchy or past bias and I care two hoots for other’s reputation for life is living by the moment. So any humour generated in the moment is always appreciated as long as it not intended to hurt the other person.
             g)  On the second day, Madan displaced me from the first day seat. I occupied Joideep’s seat who came 10 minutes later. He said, “Sathya, this is my seat.” I told him, “Someone displaced me from my place and so I am now displacing you. Sorry. go find yourself another place. I am not budging.” I was bit rough and he never forgave me for the rest of the course, which again I felt was a sign of a small mind. It's crazy and mighty self-defeating to carry forward the angst of such trivial to the following days. On the last day, I found myself sitting next to Richard. He found the chomping sound of my mouth-freshener grating his nerves. He said, “I am finding your chewing irksome.” By then there was not a bit of bonhomie as I responded, “In the case please complain to Rahim. I don’t buy your hypersensitivity at all.” By that time, I had no patience for the Tamil group of students from Chennai.

            h) I was determined to raise my issues with Rahim in front of the class the last day. Couple of good-meaning friends said, “Sathya express your angst in the student survey for Rahim is still the man who can help you make millions. Don’t get on to his bad side.” I said, “If I don’t express my five days sorrow publicly, I will lose my own self-respect. If Rahim were to take offense, so be it. Not for all the millions of the world will I condone such arrogance.”

           i) If you smile heartily and mean your “good mornings” and “have a nice day” you win a lot of smiles back. Even strangers return excellent vibes in the days to follow. This is a lesson I learnt in Bahrain in 2003 and it has served me well ever since. We have in our power to uplift people around with just a smile, the returns we fetch our phenomenal. This is a very powerful insight: With every word or sentence we speak; we rise or fall in someone else’s esteem. It pays to be genuine and honest; phoniness counterfeit and it gets nowhere.
            j) There is a lot of difference living in a society bounded by such huge numbers than a Abu Dhabi or a Manama where the human beings are respected just for being human beings. There is a lot of politeness and grace stored for every human being which is lost in a mass crowed Indian city life. We are quashed by numbers and that reduces us to a herd mentality to cynicism and extreme self-centeredness. We think that the other person is out of cheat us of our rights; even Rahim with all his wealth and fame is just as insecure. We were having a conversation in a cab, once he reacted so aggressively that I told him, “Rahim, make your point with composure and you will be taken for your word. Instead if you are hyper then you are making me defensive needlessly.” I also told him this, “However smart you are, you cannot create or fabricate the perception you desire on others. You were addressing 61 students and each will make their own assessment. And please don’t expect others to agree to the thoughts of your mind – we see the world around with our minds and it’s not necessary that it will tally with the junk you carry in your mind. There is no person in the universe out to limit Rahim’s evolution than Rahim himself and it applies to everyone.”

j          k)  If there is one lesson I wish to engrave in my mind after this visit, it is this: I can deal with a characterless person or a personality-less person but there is no payoff interacting with a person high on selfishness. That's a transaction you will lose every time much like Euclid's proposition. Sadly we deal with such mindsets in our lives in the Indian shores. 

Compliments matter

#141 post

Today I was at Vishranti as usual for breakfast. Ran into Yohanan who is fast turning out to be a good friend. He introduced me to his friend saying, "Harsha, this is Sathya. He is a top class writer. If you want anything on mindfulness or meditation or anything on the workings of the mind,  I can't think of a better person than him." The other man said, "It's such a privilege to meet someone so accomplished." As I walked out of the restaurant my mind swelled with pride. It is important that I am thought of so high at least in my neighbourhood.
            Dhamma Mani Sir had invited me for his grandson’s ayusha homam (celebrated when a baby turns one) on 6^th August. I went to the function at the other end of town, he greeted me with a profuse smile. I did not know anyone in the assembled gathering as my sole host was busy smiling and shaking hands all over. For 10-15 minutes I felt strangely alone. And after a few moments Dhamma Mani Sir introduced me to his son, “This is Sathya, the writer.” The son said spontaneously, “I have heard so much about you from dad.” That moment felt special.

            On 19^th August I walked into the FUTURES class at Mumbai. Kapil the instructor was in the midst of explaining his credentials as in his past experience, education levels and trading experience for an introduction to the class. He saw me just for a moment and gave me a huge beaming smile. That moment was again special.

            After the end of the FUTURES course, I wrote a blog post of that experience and sent it to all my classmates in Mumbai. Priyank Panchal wrote in the comments section: Sathya you filled the classroom with a lot of positive vibes which spreads across to everyone. I am so grateful to meet a charismatic person like you. Parth another classmate wrote: It’s so detailed. I wish I could write with such dedication; it was a pleasure running into you. Another friend of many years wrote: Normally I don’t read your blogs at all. This time I opened and it was un-put-down-able. What makes a compliment a cherished one is the genuineness and spontaneity. It does boost my morale on a rainy day, I record every compliment I get for my writing or in person as a person crediting money in a savings account.

            I will never forget this, actually this incident was the trigger for this post. It was day-4 of the OPTIONS class; I was exhausted and dispirited towards the end of the day as we had a short coffee break. An elderly gentleman (say 60+) was having a hurried lunch. Even as he was downing the biryani in his mouth, he said, “Hello, Sathya how are you?” I felt abashed for not placing the figure as he answered to my bemused look, “I was in the FUTURES class. You were the most unforgettable face in that crowd. Man, you have some personality when you open your mouth.” Till that point every moment of that Mumbai stay felt heavy on the mind; this one compliment got in all of endorphins. I simply shook my head in gratitude and shook his hands. His name is Anand and I am not going to forget the visual imprint of this encounter in a while.

            For me the best memory is this: Around 2000 when I was taking a stroll in the Theosophical Society, I greeted Brigadier Mehta and T H Iyer mama who were walking together. T H Iyer mama said on sight, “Sathya, I am having a private conversation and so please keep off.” The rebuff did hurt me a while but now after nearly 20 years he is my best friend and well-wisher. I have certainly grown as a person in this time. There is little chance of anyone saying this to me today. Nothing gives more pleasure than when people who put you down once-upon-a-time sing your praises today. Nothing comes remotely close.