The magic of “Sorry”

#144

“Sorry” is just a word but it defines you have character or not.  The test “whether a person is cultured or not” depends on whether he/she has these sentences in the vocabulary: I am sorry or I seek your pardon, I was wrong and please wipe the slate clean.

            An apology is an expression of regret. It satisfies four conditions: a) My actions or words have caused you material loss and/or mental sorrow b) I regret those words and actions of mine c) I spoke those words and did those actions with insufficient knowledge and d) I am ready to compensate materially or through a genuine intent of REGRET for the sorrow that I wrought.

            I don’t think a SORRY will compensate a robbery or a wife cheating on her husband or someone who pulled a dagger on your brother and now contrite they seek your forgiveness. Fortunately, our worlds of interactions do not bring us in contact with these rough thugs unless you are a resident of Tihar jail like P Chidambaram. We are more often placed in a group of selfish and self-centered people at home and in our offices or neighbourhood who can spoil your day through gossip and bad-mouthing, betraying your confidences (the worst is “you tell your sob stories to a friend” who leaks it by broadcasting to the entire world for a social embarrassment) or just not sensitive enough to your troubles (imagine an asinine neighbor taking cudgels on “keeping the staircase lights on” when your wife is in the hospital on critical care. Even if they are right on the score, it’s terrible timing).

            I never knew “the power of sorry” till this incident that occurred on the last day of my options class on 11/9.  But before I dwell on it, let me fill in with what happens when you deal with morons (those not wired to apologize).

            I hate to take this example but nothing illustrates an INSENSITIVE person walking over someone’s feelings more than this: pUsHpA was well within her rights to change a “love/romance” quotient to a “friend” status like an airline changing the status from “scheduled” to “cancelled”. Though there is a lot of inconvenience, that in itself does not outrage or make the blood boil as much as a callous attitude and utter disregard to other’s feelings. I am a normal chap of placid temperament with a large heart to forgive. pUsHpA could have met me in person to explain “Sathya, I am flying off the nest and let’s say our goodbyes now”. That would have been a saving grace rather than a sneaking thief exit. Or at least a mail expressing genuine contrition: “Sathya, I am really sorry. I was your first date and romance, but I have now found my exact green blouse matching elsewhere. I need to compensate you and tell me what I can do.” If pw had said something like this; she would have been spared from “blog posts that singe” or the name spelt in alternate caps & small letters. A genuine expression of regret and I would have more likely grown large-hearted enough to say, “Accepted and now get out of my sight. At least your name or cheap actions will not find mention in my blogs or story tales.”

            Same story with my siblings to my grouse, “For 30 years you have not bothered to include me in festivals or even an insincere show of concern when I was down with a heart surgery. Now there is nothing left.” With the Sindhi, her mistake was a character problem for no woman would trivialize romance and pick and choose a man as though she was in a blouse-matching shop for a new saree (I believe they have 50 to 100 shades of green or any colour for the blouse piece to exactly match the saree or come very close to it).  With my siblings it was a grave cultural wiring that after marriage they are DUTY-BOUND to look the other way to the plights of their brothers and sisters of the former homes they left behind. Again a simple sorry would have sufficed had any of my sisters had mouthed this: Sathi, I am sorry. The truth is we have grown so far apart that there is nothing in common for us to invite you. You don’t fit into the festival mode or given us any reason to attend when you are sick. I understand that caring for you falls within my perview but this is one responsibility I don’t have stomach for, so kindly let it pass.” Such a simple assertion would have closed the loop and spared all of us the ignominy of seeing their personality analyzed savagely on a public platform of a blog post.  Trust me, I hate to smear anyone and any character assassination post that I pen brings no glory to me at all.  These three women bring a bad name to the entire gender like a Kaikeye or Surpanaka; their apathy used to burn my heart into a cauldron (melting pot) of hate once upon a time before I learnt my FORGIVENESS lessons in Mindfulness and Vipassana.

            Now that we have seen how morons act, let’s see its contrast. I was fuming with spite and anger as the OPTIONS class drew to a close on 11/9. My purpose of this 5 days trip was to get initiated in this asset class of trading. But what really happened was “they overbooked the class” (the increased number has a direct impact on the learning effectiveness), there was a riotous fawning XLT crowd of Rahim bhakts, and finally he made things worse by “habitually late-coming” trampling our self-respects as it were. I was fuming but when Rahim said, “Sathya, I am sorry” that very moment “I wiped the slate clean.” Rahim is a lovable person with lot of anecdotes, he is a sweet talker, he is the most gifted Options trading man in the whole of South East Asia, he has a lot of virtues besides he is fabulously rich and famous (which makes forgiving very easy, I am as much smitten by externals as anyone else. So don’t take my pretensions to virtues seriously beyond a threshold 😃). I realized that an attitude to apologize is as much a social currency in the flow of life when one is living in a society. Just to say “I am sorry” or “I forgive you” is a sign of personal growth as any. As for me, it distinguishes donkeys from human beings.
Post Script: It never pays to enrage a world-class writer. All your sins could be washed on the shores of time but a written word stays forever.