I feel a sense of mastery to a
zone I have not been before. I am a lot certain of myself, from the manner I interact with
others and more importantly in the way I have a dialogue within. There
is less of confusion and doubt, more than that the FEAR and HATE have reduced to
decimal levels which in the not so distant past was almost a personality trait.
Where
did I find new tail winds for this growth? Most probably my four trips to Mumbai
for four straight months in a row. I have
never been in a classroom setting from 8:30 am to 4:00 pm and in this period I
have had 16 days sitting on a student’s seat facing a teacher on a white board
(these days they prefer sketch pens to chalk pieces on a black board). And
definitely that one week at Igatpuri got in a lot of serenity to the mind.
There is no gift better in the universe than a calm and equanimous mind. I feel grounded and serene. That I write a blog post to broadcast is a
confirmation that these are regions of the mind I have rarely been before.
For
the first time, I realized the PAST has zero effect on me. Each time the mind went to my siblings there
would be regret in its train. Now nothing. I also found myself entirely healed
of the Sindhi disaster; there’s not an atom of doubt that we were ill-matched
from the word go. I found a female
attractive in Mumbai; when I found that she was a Punjabi, my mind had a
smirk and drifted away. I realized later - when putting my thinking caps - that I
am 100% class and any longing for a female is crass absurdity. The odds of me finding a partner is one-in-thousand and she
should find me out, rather seek me out. Forget the need for a partner, I increasingly feel that if any person can WIPE the SLATE of the
PAST CLEAN, the immediate benefit is a light heart.
I
hardly have any real human interactions in Chennai and so these 16 days of classroom
experience in the midst of 25 students for EQUITY, 33 for FUTURES and 61 for OPTIONS got me the “threshold human interactions”. These afforded me an opportunity to
figure out where I stand. In
each of the class - be in equities or futures or options - others would more likely be describing it as Sathya’s batch. I
made an impression without trying; that only brought home to me how MINDFULNESS
has changed the inner circuitry of my mind.
There’s
three months to go this year – I should venture to FUTURES and OPTIONS trading
from October (there’s a near month concept here). This gives me a fortnight to
brush on my fundamentals. Then there is a “house search” for post November, my
heart feels a SENIOR CITIZEN home ideal for it frees me from the kitchen
chores. There’s a desire too - maybe I will find an earning opportunity in
Mumbai and then I can crisscross between these two cities. It looks like Mumbai would be more
welcoming to the skills and temperament I bring to the table, maybe destiny
will roll it along. Whether it does or not, I feel a decisive mastery in my
mind. Even others in the proximity seem to catch those vibes, I am getting a
lot more smiles and banter without me straining my voice-box. May I build something out of this phase of
life.
Post Script: In 2019 I wrote 26 blogs in
thinksathya and 42,300 word count for an average of 1650 words per post, 24 blogs in Dauntlesssathya and 26,900
word count (1125 per post). Writing has never been this free-flowing and full of insights as in
2019. I am in the form of my life on the writing front alone and writing does reflect the state of mind than any conceivable thing
I know.
No comments:
Post a Comment