Wisdom starts by right thinking

#183

The biggest mystery of wisdom is “how to fix thoughts that inspire and elevate”.  Noble and wholesome thoughts come, stay in the mind for a while, and diffuse out. They don’t replace the negative circuitry. At the intellect level, you could be wiser than a Moses but the wear and tear of living is such that we revert back to our familiar self-defeating neural circuitry.  This needs a briefest explanation – in the first 6 months of this year my emotional state flowed in these hues: Alexander the Great for physical courage and motivation then I slipped into outrage at HDFC for not furnishing the loan, then a bit of word studies for a “feel good” and “monthly maintenance of self-esteem”. I also got excited on my Gita recordings, explored Youtube for recordings, despair on the loan delay that usually leads to triggering feelings of hate on my siblings (I don't have a blood relative to be a co-applicant to a loan).  So the feelings and emotions for 2020 are: courage, outrage, revenge, contentment, excitement, forlorn, abandonment, friendship and more. My emotions dictionary is limited for I have only myself to handle, in a family set more emotions flow.

            I love myself this year for patience and waiting; these two attributes are teaching me a lot. I go to bed with a semblance, say wee bit, of a good feel but I wake up tired and exhausted. I get no respite from nightmares that are as perennial as a Godavari or Krishna. Then I started experimenting on my "first act" of the day – I tried chanting 10 Gayatris on waking for a fortnight, next month I tried SPARRC exercises even before brushing teeth, another month I resolved a bath before 7:00 am, later a week of pranayama (the exhalation being twice the inhalation for 5 min) but nothing seems to fix the weariness. I also tried affirmations in which I claim a high expertise, those wear thin too. Finally, I hit upon this – laugh your heart first thing in the morning. Watch a collection of funnies on Youtube (keep a folder that tickles you, keep updating). To laugh without a care for no rhyme or reason is not insanity. It keeps those facial muscles from a grumpy look and improve your immunity besides re-wiring your neural circuitry.

            I realized one insight about myself this year – I am a bit of chronic worrier and a proclivity for revenge. Both highly toxic to the level of dousing myself in gasoline and setting it aflame for a visual metaphor. What I love about myself is “try different things and keep working till you get a fix”. You need to vary your medicines on getting up bright as a bean. Laughing is the flavor of this week, maybe I will get bored next week and try another stream.

            2019 was a fabulous year. It had SPARRC workouts in the mornings, stock market trading for the mornings and afternoons, I also got in a bit of swimming. The best state of mind is a curiosity state (being inquisitive from learning) and staying excited with the results I was fetching in the stock markets. To stir my passions is not an easy thing, you need a spurt of mental energy that feels good inside. Why do you meditate? To remove habitual negative patterns of energies in the mind. To dilute fear, insecurity, hatred, animosity, and lust. But you also need an activity in the day that gives a “high”. It could be talking to a cheerful voice at the end of a line (these are getting fewer by the day) or unexpected good news (could be a comment to my blogs or someone writing in) or better still manufacture your own laughs.
          Movies too produce their share of endorphins. I loved "Togo", "Mary Poppins", "Miracle of 34 street", Whoopi Goldberg in "Sister Act", Steve Martin "Father of the Bride".  I was lost in admiration on "Ford v Ferrari" (it gets my vote for the "Best picture" of Oscars 2020) and "Jojo Rabbit". I also find stray wisdom. Today I found myself hooked to BK Shivani thoughts. She says: "Don't allow another's gross behaviour to affect your thinking. How you react to negativity determines your karma. Don't lose your equanimity." It's so obvious you need these random reminders. Shivani also talked about an "invisible halo" that tells more about your state of mind to others than words and gestures. There is wisdom everywhere, our job is to keep collecting them in the bags of the mind hoping that someday they cement themselves. The best of living is keep trying, bettering yourself, maybe you will hit gold at the end of a rainbow.