https://anchor.fm/thinksathya

#173

This is my best in a long while. Recording 15-20 min on each chapter of the Bhagavad-Gita (https://anchor.fm/thinksathya) I realized many things here:

a)     When I am passionate on a subject, I spare no effort. I was listening to Swami Paramarthananda’s weekend lectures when I was 29 to 34. There were times when I would attend 3-4 classes a week. Slowly my rough notes turned into transcriptions and now I have over 75 talks on SPIRITUALSATHYA. It would take me 3 hours of effort to transcribe a 60 min talk but it is something I am mighty proud to leave behind for the present and the next generation. My role here is that of a student, not one word is mine. Mine is limited to transcriptions and posting on a site for any reader to access the “dazzling brilliance of a great teacher.” When I first heard Swamiji in 1998, I thought: he is the best in the world, my search for a teacher ends here. Later on, I also transcribed MINDFULNESS masters. So if I am ever in need of motivation or a revision, I just have to visit my own writings.

b)     Doing these GITA talks I realized one thing – we get inspired from a talk, we make notes but the knowledge does not stay in the mind despite a transcription where you are mentally involved as to hear each line twice before keying in. Knowledge is like a flow of water; we are attracted by its life-sustaining role but we don’t know how store. For me recording these talks are like “knowledge stored in pots”. They never get stale, never lose their freshness, they retain the ability to inspire. Doing this recording my knowledge kept getting reinforced. I thought: even my sisters have a place in God’s scheme of things. It is my job to learn from their negligence; wise are those who learn from fools. There is a place for both goodness and evil to co-exist. They serve to reinforce my wisdom deeper. Any antagonism or bad blood here, I dig my own bondage.  

c)      There are so many learnings this Gita recordings afforded me – reduce world dependence, increase god dependence before you gain the knowledge that essential quality of the Lord and you yourself is the same. I learnt to appreciate the bounties of nature, the sun rise, the sea breeze, the trees, the birds around my residence. The universe is so vast yet my mind is hijacked by emotional starvation – my mind hankers for human bonding or the loan process to be expedited or feeling stiff over my unwieldly knees.  Our everyday living is myopic, it draws us away from the wonders and vastness of life. There is an inexhaustible precision in the way the universe is run. It is the same wise principle that runs our petty lives. The chaos and confusion of the mind has a cosmic purpose  – it affords all of us to toughen and purify our minds. There is a bigger picture beyond the narrow and immediate confines of my mind’s hunger list of wants. Life demands inordinate patience and self-efforts, you don't have the luxury of throwing in the towel. 

              I learnt one thing – I am the laziest soul on earth. But when I dig a well, I dig deep. These recordings and notes of Swamiji’s teachings and Mindfulness convinced me - a perennial self-doubter - I am a beaver when it comes to toil. I have the patience of an elephant carrying logs for a transport company or an ant that carries a ball of manure on a grass field. Now it’s time to grow in silence and tranquility. I have been blessed with the best teacher in Vedanta and the best Vipassana guru in the universe. Though my life looks vacuous on the surface, I am doubly blessed. Fools are those who make stories of their lives, wise are the ones who grow in mental strength and peace. In millimetres, in centimetres and inches, for wisdom is gathering one drop of water in the vessel at a time. 

Lockdown 3.0 blues

#172

I am bored as hell. Searching for a synonym, I greedily resonated to ENNUI that the dictionary threw up on a search: a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.

            I find it difficult to stay motivated and hopeful in these lockdown days. The biggest grouse of my life now is “When is the loan coming?” Though I have three credible sources, every blessed thing is halted in this lockdown. So hold your horses, don’t allow the mind to run into a frenzy are my affirmations for the days.

            In April I combed my word-list collection for a shortlist of 500 words that I should use more often. Not only I jotted it down for a two weeks’ study, I made a recording of them. Navigating through words and idioms give me a high, these recording fill vacuous afternoons.  

            Then in May, I found my own blog posts of Bhagawad Gita on SPIRITUALSATHYA inspiring. Swami Paramarthananda’s talks are a marvel, this time I made a short 15 min recordings of each chapter on Anchor (Gita talks). This is another two weeks of good usage of time. In April I was logging in two hours of Vipassana sittings in a day, by May my patience waned. Now I do an hour of Vipassana and try to get in 20 min of SPARRC regime for my knees. I tried to read a PG Wodehouse in ages, I soon found my mind popcorn fried – low on energy and high on pessimism that after a couple of pages I cast it aside.

            My hero for the two months lockdown is TH Iyer mama – he is 88 years old and he calls me twice a day. We have known each other since 1998 but our friendship gathered depth only in 2016 when my mind was in the darkest dungeons. These days – April and May - stretch like a lost train on a desert in grueling summer sun in Africa. TH Iyer mama’s calls is the only time in the day I get to open my mouth – his mind is sharp and he is high on faith and discipline. Each day he calls at 9 in the morning, “How is your day? Did you get your driving license renewal? What did the cook make for you today? What is happening on the loan front? Did you talk to Prakash? This concern is a tonic for me – in this planet at least I have one person batting for me.

            Over the last fortnight I discovered the pleasures of my terrace. I wait for 6’0 clock in the evening, such is a scenic beauty awaiting me. The terrace feels like being on the beach, the view is fantastic with lot of trees and birds. I sit on the staircase to the motor room and take in the breeze, the gale winds of the Bay of Bengal sweeps over the Chennai land mass feels a healing of tired minds. The breeze is so strong that crows are tossed around in flight. Nature is always therapeutic; my love for this house shoots up at this time of the day regardless of the obstacles in the loan process. At times I chant some slokas, if energetic I stretch a few limbs, I water the plants and I practice mindfulness. This 40 min is sacrosanct, I don't despoil it wallowing in self-pity or forebodings.

            I also re-ignited my friendship with Ashish after a cloud of mis-understanding. The matter was trivial and it is foolhardy to re-visit those regions again. He was large-hearted, I am more than happy to rediscover our friendship.

            I feel so bored on some days that I do a lot of Rudram or Gita chanting; the guitar holds no attraction after 20 minutes. It is then I realize how much I miss the SPARRC morning sessions. If 2019 was a good positive year, it had to do with this daily discipline. It resolves me to get a two wheeler and resume those morning rehab exercises at Besant nagar.  
           Yesterday TH Iyer mama said, “Sathya, stop hurting your sibling with your stupid mails. Maybe it is this negativity that is affecting your loan process.” This is my Achilles heel as my mind reflected on guruji’s words: It never pays to be the cause of someone’s misery. Nature punishes you first, here and now, robbing your mind of whatever peace gathered over time.

            I love my Bhagawad Gita recordings, I was introduced to Gita when I was 22.  Only now at 51 the mind is matured to relish its full fragrance. When I sit on the terrace, I ponder over these wonderful thoughts of Karma yoga and nature of Brahman. I loved “Mary Poppins returns” and “Togo” on Hotstar Disney. I watch very little of television, zilch reading and so I chew on my long thoughts to fill the long hours of the day.

            The world around is neither a source of joy or sorrow. I keep praying: Lord, give me some energy to discover some positivity in myself. The best of these times was “renewing my driving license”. It’s a story that merits a blog post to itself but let me serve the gist. My driving license expired last year as my clock hit the 50^th birthday. Nitin Gadkari gives one-year extension for renewal. For first three months of 2020 I was as frantic as a bird that lost its young one to a predator in my chase for “change in address in Aadhar card”. I paid the renewal fees, had an appointment and the officer rejected my application for lack of new address in Aadhar. Now I tried a second time with the Besant Nagar address, engaging a Xerox shop owner opposite the RTO office (his main business is giving medical certificate, fixing appointments and getting those application forms). My license would have overrun the one-year extension, how I reached my papers to this man is some anecdote in the lockdown days of no traffic on the roads.  He fixed an appointment, paid the fees on my behalf just one day before my 51^st birthday.  The RTO opened this week and there I was on 12/5 with these set of papers. They took my snap, scrawled the signature on a digital pad and presto within 90 min I had the smart card. I felt waves of joy flood the veins and neural systems. Not even climbing the Everest would have been so rupturous!!!! Now I proudly display the “smart card” on the cupboard. So each time I open it for books or clothes, I gloat over my smartness. On such small wins my life rests and I am not complaining. But seriously, I need to get the 2019 discipline of SPARRC and resume stock market trading again for happy hormones to flow.  

Facebook thoughts

#171

My facebook posts are usually mindfulness thoughts; they spring at a moment and at times I record it. When I was a cub writer in 2006, I would pen down any gem that popped out from the cranium. But now that's not the case. Trust me, writing gets infinitely easier if you have only you to impress. Now for these thoughts (you can find me as "thinksathya" on FB):

             We are such poor listeners. I recorded half a dozen calls with my friends, I played them back and the conversations sounded awful. Nobody was listening, each bidding their time to interrupt. I also realized that the attention span is so little, don't speak more than 3 sentences at any point in time. People switch out much before then. People are not evil, they don't think bad for you but they are obsessed in themselves. They don't live to serve your purpose, so don't waste time. A good conversation is one with a lot of pauses, bad one is a Rajdhani express. Never EXPLAIN, don't ever be in a conversation where you are not listened to. They only add up to NOISE. 

Money and fame are external world's validation of you. Totally unreliable and fake - they come & go and fickle. The world outside is never smart, so don't pay any heed on your money and fame quotients. The world perpetuates itself on glamour and money. We live in an age where a Kim Kardarshian the porn star would rank higher than an Einstein or Newton on the page 3 supplement. I am literally a zero - I stay alone barring a few friends - but I have lived. What money and fame the world denied, I confer self-love and self-compassion. The journey is long and tough, be your best friend and 24 hours support (you are the ambulance driver, surgeon, cardiologist, critical care and nursing for your mind). Keep faith in one person and just one person alone - not Buddha or Vipassana or Mindfulness but "Sathyanarayanan". When troubles knock at the door, look at the mirror and smile. You will see it through. As always.

As you keep peeling life experiences one thing gets clear: all our lives are spent in a search for love (understanding and care). We keeping running from foolish people who latch on to you to desperately seeking love and understanding from wise ones. Remember it is only the wise who listen to other's grievances, generate empathy - the only bridges of connection to another's mind and heart. But the supply of wise ones is always perpetually in drops and drips. In the end, we are saddled with fools, our lives spent running in meaningless chases before realizing an eternal truth: There is no one apart from "I" and everything is just a passing illusion. So don't play the fool to yourself. 

Is there a god who rules our destinies or are we products of randomness? I believe there is no GOD directing planets in orbits; it is unlikely that GOD would direct the SUN to revolve around a larger galaxy and the nine planets around itself. It's pure Science and specifically the laws of gravitation. The universe is self-evolving and self-sustaining like a weed, it needs no supervisor either for its order in precision or madness in chaos. But we humans create god for we are swamped by grief and sorrow. We invented religion to bring order and discipline to our minds; needless to say failed miserably.  We are emotionally very fragile (it takes very little to break our hearts) but we think we are super-smart. Life is an adventure none of us have the manual, we write our own rules and these keep revising with experiences. 

51 times around the sun

#170

No bookie would have given me higher odds than 1 is to 1000 on “Sathya reaching 50+” even a decade back. But then I live to survive and stack up the years. In nature’s scheme of things some people should never grow old – I would hate to see an old Jonty Rhodes, we remember his athleticism and “dash to the wicket and flying in the air to hit the stumps”.

            The last four days were glorious days where I mined through over 800 comments and made 8 blog posts of them. It felt like cleaning the cupboard in a decade, you come across antiques – like your 8^th standard report card, or a love letter you got from a classmate or the now tattered novel gifted by your first sweetheart in school. I have nearly a 1000 blog posts and these reflect my times under the sun, this week I realized that the “comments” were the world’s validation of me. “Comments” come with this extra feature that one’s own writing doesn’t; when I read my blog post of 2007 I almost know the next sentence. It’s my genetic wire hidden barely under the skin. But each time I read someone’s comments, there’s a novelty and freshness. One thought stuck in my head after the exercise: I have lived long, I have lived deep and I have been strong. I felt like Alexander reflecting on his achievements in his dead-bed as soldiers gathered around him one last time for a head shake recognition or a hand shake.

            Yesterday was just another day except I had a bath at 7:00 am (instead of the usual 8:30 am) and chanted “Dakshinamurthy slokam” and I also managed 20 minutes of SPARRC exercises – a birthday motivation for I am lazy here. TH Iyer mama was the first caller and he sang “Happy Birthday to you.” He is a very accomplished person and this was a grand gesture. He is 88 years old, with a razor sharp mind, and he has grown affectionate over the years. Ganesh Shenoy called for a quick “Happy Birthday Machan.” With him, I slip into “mama” and “machan” as fillers in a conversation. Sandeep Lakhina called in the afternoon and I said, “I don’t have 21 friends. Not all of you are as capable as you (in Hindi).” He laughed as he did a Facebook post thanking each friend for each day of the lockdown 1.0, “Any celebrations today?” I said, “Not by a mile, I don’t remember even cutting the cake and blowing candles for more than 5 or 6 times in my 51 years.” I am recluse alright and it sits well with me.

            The best part was the surprise call of Deepak Mehra from Dubai and it made my day. He said, “I can see your growth being a regular reader of your blogs, “which sounded the best sentiment by far. I said, “I envy the Punjabis for their bonding, family and friends stick to one another in a crisis.” Deepak said, “It’s your romantized view, maybe it stems out from your siblings’ indifference. In normal families, people do stick with one another.” There were half a dozen greetings on Facebook, another half a dozen on Messenger and some more on SMS and Whatsapp. As I hit the bed, my mind reminisced with gratitude the four callers of the day. It was also time for thanksgiving – doing the “Comments” collation my mind went back to the heady days of pUsHpA. It was a relation that had no rhyme, the pairing was like a “bird falling in love with a fish” and my heart blessed her a million times (remember I am lying on the bed) on her decision – the surgery was heartlessly cruel but the deed was wholesome. It saved my life and probably hers got better. I also prayed: God, I felt a million times alive during those times. God, just give me one more chance. Give a woman for whom my mind flips, my heart pounds, my hands to caress and lips to lick on the skin real estate. That’s the prayer and thought I left myself with as night stole over and sleep took over.

            51 years is 18,628 days (612 months and 2661 weeks). The best part is it’s 1,609,459,200 seconds. So I am a little more than 1.60 billion seconds and life is as many moments of living. God gives us painfully long lives, I was happy to live to write this tale. I am a genius in self-praise and self-congratulations and I told myself: Courage in adversity has never gotten so far. Sathya be praised and the Lords be praised for creating this wonder!!!!

COMMENTS

#169

There were 85 comments as entries on DAUNTLESSSATHYA- there are some where I keyed in from Whatsapp and Facebook and these were 2-3 messages pooled in one - and featured here are the ones I treasure. Why compile? It makes you feel good on a rainy day!!!! The first nine featured here are from OBSERVESATHYA while the rest are from this blog DAUNTLESSSATHYA. There are over 700 comments from THINKSATHYA, OBSERVESATHYA, SPIRITUALSATHYA, and WRITERSATHYA and I will tabulate them more as morale boosting exercise. 

ShivajaJune 29, 2008 at 10:21 AM

May you find more things each day to keep you whistling.....after all every thorn filed rose bush has sweet smelling pretty flowers too. Cheers! - Shivaja

Life flows like a river. Even the mightiest dam( read Geisha or Diva or whatever)can stop the flow for only so much time. The water will find other channels and flow in some other direction. Forgiveness is like these channels which help us find new directions and move on with life. on A new mind sans Geisha memories     Ben (1/11/2009)

A.SathyanarayananOctober 21, 2010 at 6:41 PM

I visited his office 10 years after his death. They were still using my father's letters as template (no wonder where I get my writing skill from). The bank manager lamented how the business of the firm has gone down. Even NTR remarked on hearing my father's death," Arunachalam garu was a good man".

Year end quote from our friend Kanchan Bhattacharya ( not necessarily a personal observation on you but about geniuses in general) Life is sad- from heights they fell so much, some into melancholy, some into penury, some just in the clutches of the God of Cirrhosis, or even worse, into the demon, narcotics! Creativity takes its toll... the genius has a fear of never being understood! on 2010 Experiences – reality bites

A.SathyanarayananJanuary 26, 2011 at 9:42 AM

Yesterday, the doctor's son was telling the steward serving coffee," Not in those steel tumblers, we prefer paper cups". I said," These are very special people. Oblige the doctor for he will give you free service if you are ill". The doctor laughed his heart out on a possible free case

tymkynFebruary 8, 2011 at 12:32 PM

Hi satya,

u took me by surprise in getting our yesterday's conversation on to the blog this fast.Satya despite ageing (me not u) u can be rest assured of lighter moments every time you interact with me.

Keep smiling and laugh 2 yr heart's content.Its sure to make you feel younger and realize that life is worth living.

bye dude
sdp

ambrosiaJune 16, 2011 at 2:24 PM

wowow I am inpressed. am reading it again. too many hometruths to take in one go

AnonymousAugust 29, 2011 at 11:14 AM

That's lovely... Orthoptists rarely get any praise these days. The ophthalmologist is usually the one viewed as doing all the hard work.

Venkateswaran1/29/2011 5:20 PM

I just stumbled upon this today, the 29th Jan 2011, after nearly two years of posting by you. For some time I didn't recognise myself in this. Anyway, thanks for all your ++ things said in this.
By the way, you do write very well. It has goven me an appetite to read your book. You promised me a copy but have forgotten about it. Otherwise, please remind me the title and where it is available?
Venkateswaran

A.SathyanarayananOctober 10, 2011 at 7:29 AM

Start again. Start with a calm and quiet mind. Start with an alert and attentive mind. Start with an equanimous and tranquil mind. (Then there would be instructions for the session). Goenka would end by saying: Work patiently and persistently. Work ardently and diligently. (this can be a mantra before starting any task. It is best mental preparation I find).

T.H.Iyer1/31/2014 8:42 AM

A remarkably frank and well worded description of your life in Abu Dhabi. Take things in your stride.

We miss you. Varadan has gone to Pondicherry for few days.

Mami and I send you our love and good wishes.

tymkyn2/27/2014 3:36 PM

For once you have found your happiness Satya. Happy for u. For sure it's going to last several years. God bless.

Ben2/26/2014 5:07 PM

Good to see you back to writing. Be happy and stay blessed.

T.H.Iyer7/27/2014 4:57 AM

Amazing style of reporting. Your self confidence level has increased and you are becoming more and more sober and self erasing.

You will succeed in your endeavours. It will happen exactly when you need it.

Soul Searcher7/27/2014 9:10 AM

Very nice narrative and a very positive way of moving on to whatever adventures life offers next. Look forward to the next episode from Chennai. Good luck and God speed in whatever you do...

Soul Searcher8/03/2014 12:21 AM

Quite a turnaround from your earlier piece.The writing is reflective and poignant. But dark and beautiful Melancholy is back. Whats' up Bro

Soul Searcher9/02/2014 11:15 AM

I was shocked at Robin Williams suicide too. Sometimes one just cannot understand the burdens which bring people down. You need not worry, you have 25 years to complete what you need to. Currently most people are productive till 70. :-)

As Robin would say in Dead Poet's Society "Carpe Diem"

tymkyn6/28/2017 4:25 PM

Heart rending. I wouldn't wish even my bitterrest enemy to experience this living hell. There's always light at the end of the tunnel.I hope and pray you find peace and happiness.As a literary work it's a masterpiece.

Siddhan7/13/2017 8:56 AM

Touching - Mother only as a biological one is not easy to imagine,. She not only give the elements of your body but contribute in the making of he psyche. What you describe makes one feel sad - It should not happen to anyone. But as long as you carry the hurt, it is not her problem but just "YOURS" alone. Throw this behind and walk out of the shadow.

T.H.Iyer7/07/2017 11:58 AM

You have indeed passed through tough times Sathya. Now the light can be seen at the end of the tunnel.

Siddhan7/13/2017 9:01 AM

The heat zone you have traversed could char many. Light at the end of the tunnel is seen by you still as a train coming to mow you down is incorrect - you are getting out of the dreary and dark phases two women tested your times. But movement like Tolle puts it and knowing that you have the treasure of redemption within you. No age and no time is inapt as there is life to be lived to the full - best wishes and love - Siddhans

My precious brother,
I'm deeply moved into tears after reading your post. Believe in the Lord and he will change the MESS in your life to a MESSAGE. You have gone through what many in fairy tales don't. Hang on, brother. I will cheer you even if no one does.  Suloch

A.Sathyanarayanan9/01/2017 5:46 PM

Take care and don't indulge in self-pity. Satya, you are a guy with class and brains - a rare commodity nowadays. SD Prabhakar

A.Sathyanarayanan10/01/2017 1:05 PM

Why do we hold on to a relation that gives pain? We are scared of loneliness and so any relation will serve even if it brings only sorrow to the heart. This post argues against such self-destructive attitudes

Narayanan Subramanian on Whatsapp: Sathya, if you have forgiven then you must forget too. She belongs to your past; you have so much to look forward to in your life. Better watch the road in front than have your sights on a rear view mirror.

A.Sathyanarayanan8/07/2018 11:11 AM

Mani Sir on Whatsapp (6th Aug): Yes you need to get up and pick up the pieces. Dismiss what happened as a bad dream though it cost you a lac. Hope cyber crime chaps nab this Uma Gayathri. You have my best wishes and prayers. Chennai probably did not deserve you and let's hope that Gurgoan benefits.

Ashish Bansal Great to note that you are signing up for soft skill company. Well written again though feel sad after reading what you have gone through and are still facing. Your strength is remarkable and your constant growth in all these adversities is humbling

Nandha12/18/2019 8:39 PM

I'm from Malaysia, planning to visit Kanchi mahaperiyar samadhi for blessings. Hope I get his blessings too 🙏 Thank you for sharing this insight.

Anonymous11/03/2018 9:33 AM

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A.Sathyanarayanan11/23/2018 3:57 PM

I wish to record these two compliments here. Anurag Gupta, my batchmate in another context wrote: These are powerful words spoken by an excellent writer. Not many can match you in your abilities. Another was Lalit Matai's "Sathya, there are lots of people in our batch who care for you. Don't feel lonely." Again in a different context but I want a place to store these and this is as good as any.

A.Sathyanarayanan12/14/2018 5:16 PM

Sathya,

You are on the right track and your greatest achievement in 2018 is to conquer yourself and build sufficient self confidence for achievening a lot in 2019

Lots of love,
T H Iyer

A.Sathyanarayanan12/29/2018 5:27 PM

On whatsapp (28/12)
T H Iyer: Well done Sathya, you are a great compiler

Arunanjali: Great wrap up- let bygones be bygones and start 2019 with zeal and joy! Life is about cause and effect. Everyone makes their own causes and live those effects. We make our own choices and see its manifestation. Good cause makes for good effect. Happy healthy and victorious 2019.

Dhamma Mani Sir: Read your blog on 2018 memories and very much liked the 10 k fine you promise to pay up in case you badmouth the bad 4. I would prefer a caution deposit instead> Should I send my bank account details? :)

Neetu: I am quite perturbed. You talk of FORGIVENESS and not practice at all. Just let it go. I prefer to read your posts on Guruvayur and Madurai which are bereft of this bitterness.

A.Sathyanarayanan12/29/2018 5:32 PM

Dhamma Mani Sir on Whatsapp: Hope this is your last post and this one resolution will surely take you forward. You will move from self-pity to earning the respect and attention and love from others that you yearn for. This is just the negativity that is denying you these gains. Now that you are resolved to shed your negativity, you will see a positive difference in your life. I pray 2019 will usher in happiness, peace and harmony. Concentrate on your writings positively and money and honour will follow. Good luck

Sailesh2/05/2019 8:51 PM

Glad to see a positive beginning in 2019 in your new home and may the happiness and good cheer continue.

Sanskrati4/03/2019 5:46 PM

Very informative post really appreciated your efforts. Also do visit.
Mcx tips

Shivaja6/02/2019 5:14 PM

Reading through felt like listening to you talk. And this friend of yours..Ranga, he has put the points aptly. Never thought of it that way. Yes if you had recorded would have illuminated the world, but then you have conveyed the gist of it and I liked it.

Ashish Bansal on Whatsapp (30/6): So well written. Your personal progress, your happiness quotient just keeps through. Your description of Chennai rains is fantastic - so relatable, so human. And finally tieing the laces with PUMA acquisitions. Feel very happy for you, my friend.

Shivaja: ...ur writing is effortless and natural. We the readers feel part of your life as we read.

giridharan7/08/2019 9:54 AM

I would suggest better try to travel somewhere until your mind says to stop. Then experience the climate and culture. And then comeback to home.

Ashish Bansal: Saying it again "very human" "very real" and it egged me to read on. It was humbling to know that our call meant so much to you. You are a wonderful person and "very human". Cheers to your lovely writing. Carry on.

Dhamma Mani Sir: Vipassana will give the mind the protective coating needed to prevent it from going to rust and ruin.

A.Sathyanarayanan11/08/2019 8:43 AM

Ashish Bansal on Whatsapp: Wonderfully written. Even through the roller-coaster of thoughts, I sense your mindfulness which is great achievement. You are aware of what is going inside and outside, despite the busyness that you have not experienced in a long while. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

RV Rajan: Excellent post. All the best in your new home. God bless!

Unknown12/02/2019 9:41 AM

Very nice post. Congratulations. May the Almighty bless you to complete registration of Green Park as scheduled.

Gopalan

RVRajan-Celebrating Life2/09/2020 9:05 AM

Sathya- I learnt very early in life that love, affection & respect have to be commanded & not demanded. I am delighted to learn about the initiative from your mother & sister. Reciprocate it with all sincereity. You will be a happy man. Remember the age old Tamil saying- Kutram parkil chutram illai. God bless.

A.Sathyanarayanan4/13/2020 8:50 PM

Dhamma Mani Sir on Whatsapp (13/4): Glad to note that you have begun to love and repose trust in yourself. Everything has a time and I reckon yours will come sooner than later. Take fresh guard and be on the mark, get set and go....

Shivaja4/14/2020 1:27 PM

Musings Sathya style. Original always

Just understanding self

#168

Understanding oneself is writing a cheque to oneself where you write boldly SELF in capital letters!!! 

            These are the best days in a long while, never has my mind reached such peaks of clarity and conviction. I used to do Vipassana sitting from the cot and they got me nowhere. Last week I chose the other bedroom, and now the sittings have gotten such a fillip that I look forward to them: two hours a day. It gotten a fresh lease of energy and relaxation for the mind. I feel blessed with my chosen path for a spiritual journey – from a born Brahmin now I am totally in the Buddha way of life where there is no space for personal gods except a lot of efforts in these Vipassana sittings.

            2020 is special for me for this reason: CLARITY. The world outside is bewitching but it stores no care and bonding. My one word description for the world is pUsHpA – she was bewitching with her guiles but no good either in the short run or long. It is selfish and self-centered to the extreme and so you will not grudge me this pUsHpA metaphor. The alternate capital and small letters indicate the whims of the world. It's a ride in pleasure and pain but always ending in sorrow. Last week I spoke to Neetu on a whim and it was a self-inflicted mortification, “Sathya, what have you donated for the migrant worker crisis? I don’t agree with your description of the wOrLd as selfish, it’s more your quality that your bring.”  Each time I have a bad time on the phone, I try for a compensate for a prospective ounce of sympathy. I called Krish and it felt Neetu was too kind!!!! I mention these two names here for they symbolize the wOrLd – even a few empty words of solace and care are beyond us which defines the world to me. APATHY, ENNUI, ABJECT self-interest as to topple the boat each time. Such a worldview of the wOrLd is only mental conditioning as we strive for SELF-DEPENDENCE, otherwise have a polite veneer in your interactions. It is counterproductive to wear your feelings on the sleeve.

            Vipassana has gotten me to respect me a lot shoring up tons of self-respect. I like to watch Trump’s press briefings and I have seen very few in my life with that kind of overweening confidence. He hurls abuses to White House reporters that I feel a need to pause and imbibe those lessons. Vinod had that daredevilry in my childhood, Sherlock Holmes the cavalier supercilious air about him and why should I not be just as condescending and patronizing? It's worth practicing those gestures before a mirror.

            These are unusual eerie times of our lives. Who would have foreseen 5 weeks of lock-down – three gone and two more in the calendar as we march to 30/4? I am more than convinced that the human race and the health of the planet cannot be taken for granted. Maybe we see Armageddon (I think it means “end of the world as we know it”) in our own life-times. I am sure as hell counting on a tsunami or a earthquake or super heavy rains to drown out my life!!!!

            If you are a thinking animal like me, you will define and re-define these words at every opportunity and corner of your life: ME, WORLD and GOD. Me, I am clear – a weak lonely man with the courage of a Hercules and Alexander. The WORLD is an appalling observer (thanks to my 2020 learnings) and GOD is Vipassana meditations. You are the only one who can bring comfort and cheer to your mind; others are an obstruction. Maya is an illusion and a delusion that others can be on the credit side of a passbook. No sir, others are always an EMI of an outstanding loan and never an income cheque.

            My bank loan was on the verge of disbursal when Modi declared a lock-down. Some karmic forces confluencing to add to my misery!!  I speak to Ranga, Pandi and a Bharat these days. My best friend is still T H Iyer mama and he keeps himself busy penning his reminiscences. I look out of the window to see a crow cheerfully basking in the summer sun, I am yet to discover such a well of happiness within myself but I am getting there.  There is a lesson here: choose your heroes carefully for you end up as them. I always looked to Vinod for a model, Sherlock Holmes and Alexander my heroes from history and art, and look where I am today - cynical of the world and supremely trustful of me. Just what I wanted and just about right. 

Lock-down days

First things first, I pruned (online dictionary says: trim by cutting away dead or overgrown leaves or stems) a lot of text in 2020 dauntlesssathya posts. Now I make it a point that I will do without explanatory idioms and colorful references on blog writing. From now, I will simply chop off any redundant sentence.

            In the 10 days of LOCK-DOWN I sleep and sleep. Then I try to get in two 30 min sessions of Vipassana in a day. But the best part to the days is revising word lists, an activity I used to pander myself in the distant past. Now I indulge myself – for me the fun part is to generate synonyms before referring a dictionary. For a writer a “word” is flesh and blood, you need to have a feel for them.

            I have been negligent on exercises – those SPARRC regimes were good for the knees. Sheer laziness, no better excuse here. I get a bit of guitaring in the day, I love myself in each session though I have no stamina after 10 min. Guitaring is a “finger strength” exercise, it hurts a lot. Of late, I see myself getting exhausted and bored easily. Maybe my clock is ticking faster. Except for Vipassana where I keep my back straight and eyes closed for 30 min at a stretch, no other activity grips the mind. Similarly after the Philip Freeman’s “Alexander the Great” in January, my appetite for reading is filled up to the brim.

            This month I watched a lot of Chinmayananda’s YOUTUBES and he is sensational. Absolutely master in tone and content, his oratorical skills resonate in my ears. There are lot of wisdom embedded here. He is a classic, you can hear him repeatedly and any time and you will still learn something.

            On OTA XLT sessions, again my mind is on curfew. I know the gaps in my skills but I have little energies to learn. With the bank loan still on the pipeline (the week I was supposed to get the money the Government announced a lock-down just to spite me as it were), the learning can wait. 
           I am fortunate with regard to cooks. Nalini has learnt cooking the brahamanical cuisine.  She also sweeps and mops the floors. In the last 14 years of engaging a cook, Meera was the friendliest for a chat, Thangam mami gave solid reliability for a decade in the kitchen. Nalini is not in that class but a quick learner and superb work attitude. 

            One of the best things of 2020 is I have reduced my talking by 90% though they were negligent even to begin with. I only speak to TH Iyer mama who calls twice a day. He wants to write an autobiography where I do a bit of mentoring. One of the first skills of creative writing is “using words as strokes on a canvass for a visual feel”. A reader must be caught by the scruff of the neck much like a movie sucks you in. A good writer will make you feel the emotions, you get an experience and not a story (which even an illiterate grandmother can narrate).

            I was also caught in the Ramayan fever. It is 1980s production but with a lot of heart and honesty (to the extent possible); certainly a watchable fare. I also watch Youtubes of “Yeh jo hai Zindagi” where I love the antics of Rakesh Bedi, Satish Shah, Inmandar and the feisty Swaroop Sampath. I find Ms. Sampath’s vocals unique in appeal, it has a ringing streak to it. Then a bit of Gita chanting, I also listen to Danish Sait's prank calls (you will find on a YouTube search, some are hilarious to the full).

            Last month both my Mumbai visit for a OTA course and a week’s Vipassana in Blore got cancelled from the virus. Now as I wait for the loan, I have an avowed thanksgiving pilgrimage to Sri Sailam. Last visited the holy place when I was 6-7 years. I have fetid for visiting familiar places of the past. I have a mind that does a quick contrast of “now” and “how it was 40 years before” kinds. With a lock-down, life is on a standstill which puts a creative writer out of harness. I also got the Aadhar address update on the website, changed the address in the ration card too - finally savvy on filling forms on government websites which takes some pluck and trials. 

         I did four video podcasts, anyone can check them on Youtube if you search “thinksathya”. These are beginner level quality, once I get a hang of it I will do on topics like "Mindfulness" and "Alexander". I am content these days, if I were to die today my mind would carry images of listening to Swami Paramarthananda at Vidyamandir on Upanishads (those 1998 -2002 years were a goldmine), walks in the Theosophical Society lawns and the banter those fetched. I would also think of Balakanth and Vinod and maybe that Sindhi woman too. It’s been a good life, I am ready as a passenger on a platform for the train. I have filled my life with so much, it yearns for a little rest of a different kind. 

Blocked calls

#166

If I were to die today, my entire being would flood with regret for an absurd over-emphasis on relations. We give too much importance to others, we even try to wriggle our way to their good books. That’s pre-digital age mentality. We were told that Dale Carnegie’s “How to win friends and influence others” is a gold standard for living in a society. Bull shit. I would write a more relevant book titled, “How to make life difficult for others at the first opportunity.”

            I am not cynical or over-dramatic here. The world has changed beyond recognition in the space of a decade: Being nice and courteous in this age is being a moron to the extreme. The joint family died in the 60s and 70s, maybe the nuclear family died in 2010 and now in 2020 it's me and my interests alone.  
            I am saying this with all the earnestness at my command: Please don’t be kind and courteous. Being rude and boorish is fine but it should be done at an art level. You need to be sophisticated. Don’t parade your SELF-CENTRED streak but serve it with layers in false show of concern; have sweet words for the mouth but no feeling in the mind. Your job and duty is to care only for one person and that’s YOU. 

            For me 2020 started with Ajay’s “I will ask my wife if I should give you a loan.” That shook me up as the thoughts gained momentum: The world just does not care for an individual. If you realize how little the society thinks and feels for you, you would not open your mouth. The only person who cares for you in this digital age is not your wife or daughter but online marketers. Once your number gets into their database, they will badger you on “personal loans”, sell a vacation to Mars and anything in between. You are loved for the money in your bank balance and not you; if you think someone loves you then it's maya, the ultimate self-delusion. Want proof? Lose your job, don't buy your wife and kids any gifts or lay infirm for a week - you will soon realize how hollow and self-centered all their affections were. 

Blocking spree: I need a guarantor for my loan and the first person I approached was Srinivasan. He said, “Give me a day and I will get back to you.” It's as much a smart stalling move as after a job interview “We will get back to you, don’t call us.” I waited a couple of days before blocking his number. Then I sought out Mugundavel my builder for a guarantor. I know he is as cunning as a perpetually starving rat, he has no morals but I wanted some humour as I kick-started this social experiment: Sir, will you be my loan guarantor? He said, “I am already a guarantor for a close friend, I cannot have a second one concurrently.” I smiled and blocked his number. Then tried Krish with the same request. I was under the illusion he cared until he chickened out, “Sathya, if I sign as a guarantor my credit score would come down. Then I cannot avail any loans in the bank should a need arise.” I was sorely tempted to block his number but I thought: if he were to ever call by mistake, let the phone ring itself out. Then I wrote to a friend in Dubai on Whatsapp: Man, I feel like talking to you. Would you call me this week? I got no answer as I deleted the name from the contact list. Last month I was happy to an exuberance to block Vivek on my cell phone, a friend of 13 years, on another grouse: He simply got into the habit of annoying me. Sathya, what have you done to your sisters to merit hospitality? That number went for a year before this straw broke the camel's back: Sathya, I told you that getting a loan is very difficult. Why did you buy this Palavakkam apartment now? You should have first made money in the stock markets and then ventured into these buys. Most sensible advice on hindsight but this is a classic “I told you so” on a burning deck. Then there was Ramesh, Yohanan, Manikandan, Rajaram, Prithvi, Siddan, Prabhakar who fell on the wayside for no reason. 

            In all these ruins there is just one person who shines; 88 years old TH Iyer mama. He calls me daily wishing me luck and hearing my laments. In this world if you have just one person to EMPATHIZE, you are fortunate. Napoleon lamented he had none to trust, Alexander the Great had just Hephastion, and I have my TH Iyer mama. To the rest of world, be kind and courteous but from a mile away. I must warn myself that any flood of friendship is wasted energy on a unsuspecting public. It’s a pity we are not allowed to carry guns and knives in our society particularly as human population is on an exponential rise. But in your mind, just kill your kindness and compassion. If not at least start blocking numbers on the phone. Welcome to the digital world of Aadhar and Pan card and 16 digit credit card numbers, don't think you are bigger than them!!!